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I shared with a human

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Queenie%Bee, Sep 17, 2018.

  1. Sep 17, 2018 #1
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    I. Shared. With. My. Sister
    I don’t know how it happened. Yes I do . The damned prosecco by the pool ;)
    We are very close . She loves my hubs . Saw nothing more than an enviable marriage ( Barbie and Ken ) . She mentioned counseling for her longstanding marriage problems ( her husband is a nice enough guy but he’s kinda a dick .) I mentioned we have been to counseling. She was floored . I mentioned I have my own therapist “ when did you guys start going ?” I said 18 months ago she asked “ when did u start going to one “ I said 18 months ago . She sat up “ why , what’s going on ?? She started freaking out . I handed her my NOFAP journal and she started sobbing . So Ofcourse I did too . She was upset I didn’t come to her . I explained I didn’t want to pile on her shit . But she was right she said how I’m her therapist and an amazing one . I then explained maybe I was able to share because we’ve had HUGE breakthroughs. I didn’t feel embarrassed. My brother I’m close to knows ( they are bros lol ), he picked me up after DDAY , took me to the casino and I told him everything. He had to pull over ( his wife is a former pill addict ) but it’s different. He’s a male . He can’t ever feel what a woman could . Funny him and my SO have never spoken about this . It was on my request. I felt it would only bring more shame . My therapist has been pushing me to tell a close female family or friend . My sis said things have felt different for awhile with me . Yes I have isolated 100% . My hugs are different. I haven’t been present when we hang out . My so wouldn’t b upset that I did but for now I’m not telling him . I told her for ME . She was so supportive as I knew she’d be . Bloom speaks highly about being social , get out there . LIVE . Baby steps . But for me thisss was huge . I feel like it unstuck from my bones for a bit . Telling her , and having our breakthroughs with all the TALKING , and feeling with my SO gives me such great hope . Fear is there because after all this I will be destroyed if he’s ever dishonest with me again .
     
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 17, 2018
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 17, 2018
    #1
    FearMyDiscipline, Nugget9, Queen_Of_Hearts_13 and 7 others like this.
  2. Sep 17, 2018 #2
    monkeyseemonkeydo

    monkeyseemonkeydo Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing.

    This sheds a lot of light on what my girlfriend of 3 years has been going through with my PA. It's such a selfish act on my part and people with PA rarely think about what's going on with their SO's. It's just always about the PA's problem; how hard it is for him/her and rarely about how it can affect those around him/her.

    I especially liked your post because I always thought that I would get mad at my girlfriend if she ever told anyone about my problems. I now realize, however, that part of getting over this PA is not only being open about my problems, but allowing my girlfriend to find her own ways to cope. I mean, if she is the one trying to help me through this, she should be able to find her own ways to stay sane through this journey. It would be selfish of me to say that she can't talk to anyone about it while being inconsiderate of what she may be going through.

    It's amazing but I've declared that if my girlfriend were to tell anyone, I will not get mad and hope that it aided her in finding comfort while enlightening the one that she told to find courage and strength to work through whatever he/she is going through.

    I'm aware of all this now because you decided to share. Thank you :)
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2018
    monkeyseemonkeydo, Sep 17, 2018
    monkeyseemonkeydo, Sep 17, 2018
    #2
    Banjaxed, Numb, hope4healing and 3 others like this.
  3. Sep 18, 2018 #3
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    I, too, am glad you shared this part of your story with us. This is something with which I've struggled for sooooo long. Besides here on nofap, I've never said a single word to anyone about having to share my husband with his addiction for the entire 22+ years. It's such a heavy load to carry all the time. I have wanted so badly to talk to someone about everything, but I've never had the courage to. But, reading your post has given me a little push...maybe it's time for me to open up to my sis.

    Thank you.
     
    hope4healing, Sep 18, 2018
    hope4healing, Sep 18, 2018
    #3
    Banjaxed, Deleted Account and monkeyseemonkeydo like this.
  4. Sep 18, 2018 #4
    Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    Being able to talk to someone outside the relationship is a huge step with all this. Building a personal healthy support system is beneficial for the healing and to know you are not isolated in all this.
    I’m glad you could speak to your sister. I sometimes want to talk with mine and my mother about it all but out of respect for husband I haven’t.
    He’s not ready for them to know yet. (I can understand his reluctance about my sister). He’s only now spoke to his mother and father about it. However we do have a couple of friends that know everything so we both have someone safe to talk with. That was incredibly helpful for not just me but both of us.
     
    Jennica, Sep 18, 2018
    Jennica, Sep 18, 2018
    #4
    FearMyDiscipline, Deleted Account, hope4healing and 2 others like this.
  5. Sep 18, 2018 #5
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    With the disclosure to my sister , I then knew she could handle keeping my secret without worrying everyday about me and not sharing it with anyone else . She texted me good morning with the unicorn emoji ( that’s what my SO calls me lol ) she knew I didn’t need more than that . I also told her I’d come to her if needed . That I am trying to not live my days with constant reminders of what he’s done .
    If your SO could tell one person she trusts that wouldn’t judge either of you I highly recommend it , I waited too long .
     
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 18, 2018
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 18, 2018
    #5
    Deleted Account and Jennica like this.
  6. Sep 18, 2018 #6
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    Exactly ! We don’t have friends /couples friends . We lost ALL / most from divorces and mostly envy because we actually would hang out with each other at parties lol
     
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 18, 2018
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 18, 2018
    #6
    Deleted Account and Jennica like this.
  7. Sep 18, 2018 #7
    Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    It actually felt great and then I felt bad that there were times I felt off . It’s because at her house we’d alwats hear “ omg you guys are so gross together makes me sick “ you’d usually find me sitting on his lap or smooching or hugging . Soooo other than the PA I do have a good marriage and am glad my husband had finally been shook /awoken
     
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 18, 2018
    Queenie%Bee, Sep 18, 2018
    #7
    Trappist, Deleted Account and hope4healing like this.

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