HOCD or Denial?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Straus, Apr 7, 2019.

  1. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes there is a time i really believe i am straight, but then there comes a time where my anxiety comes back and analyze my whole past to see if i liked guys before or not
     
  2. Habbapop

    Habbapop Fapstronaut

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    Meditation is good for much, but not that. sorry
     
  3. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    I think i am really a porn addict. Because i look at lesbian humiliation and get hard. I look at Gay humiliation and get hard. If i watch normal lesbian porn i get hard but not to normal gay porn. After that i masturbate to naked men and i didnt get hard but then i look naked women and get hard. Maybe this foot, cuckold and other porns create a humiliation fetish. So that times before i cum to gay porn was not because its gay, rather my brain associated with humiliation and i get hard because of that. It makes sense because if i was attracted to men, i must get hard everytime to men pictures gay porns and all of them. But that case is only at the women. So maybe if i make nofap over 3 months this humiliation fetish goes away and i can concentrate to my real orientation
     
  4. ElogicalStudent

    ElogicalStudent Fapstronaut

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    hocd is a consequence of porn addiction brother
     
  5. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    I think that what habbapop says is truth, my body search a way to get that dopamine kick. I fantasize about women today and i get hard. I fantasize about men and got a little bit aroused but it goes away later and nothing happened down there. I never had sexual interest to men before that all started, i always looked to women, find them attractive and wanted a relationship with a girl. But my Head made always this anxiety and its very hard to deal with it
     
  6. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    I have learned to accept that ALL fantasizing is not real - it is IN YOUR HEAD it does not involve another person. Fantasies can be symbolic, they can be things you NEVER want in real life - and the brains way of 'escaping' .
    That is why I think there is such a wide disconnect between our PMO,/F(fantasy) MO and what we see in real life...
    I only accept as real what I get aroused on in real life in person, with another person.
     
  7. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    The biggest weapon of Hocd is when you get aroused to gay stuff. Doesnt matter if it was gay fantasize, gay pictures or gay porn. My head always tell me if you were straight you wouldnt get aroused but you did, so you must be gay. But if i were really attracted to men why the most time i didnt get hard when iam checking myself, that’s really unlogic. There is such an anxiety now. I just want my old life back
     
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  8. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    Can anyone give me a tip how i can beat this HOCD. I test myself several times i find men not sexual attractive, but i have always anxiety. Is there any chance to get my old life back?
     
    RogerPongare likes this.
  9. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    read the book "Brain Lock" its about general OCD but there are some helpful tips.
    A simple thing is just to name the behavior when you find yourself doing that say "oh there's my HOCD firing off again"

    Of course a porn, eding and m fast - at least 90 if you can do it.
     
  10. Habbapop

    Habbapop Fapstronaut

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    Yes.
    1 Start NO PMO 90 days
    2 Read the book " your brain on porn "
     
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  11. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    I start with nofap today. I realize that this checking leads to nothing. I read an article about people they are confused in their sexuality. They say which gender i often dream about, which gender i can imagine a romantically relationship and witch gender get me sexually aroused, tell me my sexuality.

    I only had crushes on girls in my life. All i want was a girlfriend and a nice relationship, i came never to the idea to have a relationship with a guy. In my past i looked at a few guys in the street, but not on a sexually wise. If i imagine me to have a relationship with a girl, to kiss her, to watch a movie with her, to have sex with her, i enjoy it and get aroused. But with a men i didnt enjoy it because there is a kind of fear and i didnt want that and dont get aroused. But here comes the anxiety again that tells me, that the fear is that my friends and family will hate me if iam gay and i surpress my feelings and my arousal to not accept that i am gay. Maybe my hocd bring me to look at boys in a other wise now or maybe i am really gay.

    But If i am gay why i keep fighting this so much since a 3/4 year, why i doesnt get aroused about the fantasize of men, it do nothing for me, but at the girls i like that and get aroused. I dreamed so much about having sex with girls my whole life and not with men. I am really confused and i cant tell what my feelings are in this moment.
     
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  12. Xaviar.marshall

    Xaviar.marshall Fapstronaut

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    I completely feel u man...i am going threw the same thing....but I began to notice the male penis in porn more....i started not even watching penetration...just ass jobs and shit..thrn I got to penetration then blowjob and so on.....which later led me to throat fucking....3d hentai .....i did have a totty fuck fettish for a while but before this hocd kicked in i would look at the porn video like why can't I have a women I can love and be with...and fuck like this....or throat fuck like this..or titty fuck like this i eventually got into....doing cum tributes on Instagram because porn got boring...then I began to watch overwatch porn and elastagirl porn...then I began to notice that I began to wait and I wanted to cum at the same time as the guy on the porn video...it made it feel...like I just pounded her throat....and shit like that....sorry so graphic...but in being real...now 2.5 months into this deep depression....hocd symptoms and shit...the thoughts don't even produce reactions like they did....i began to have gay dreams and dreams about loving men....and I woke up stressing and scared....produced extreme anxiety..i woke up shaking for the past 3 weeks ...j can't even look at females any more It almost scares me...when I see Instagram models it's like a jump scare....idek y tho...did I turn gay......can someone turn gay..im breaking down here...i can't look my step father in the eye anymore....i can't eat all my food without worrying I'll turn gay...or I can't wear these shorts or I'll turn gay....i cry myself to sleep all day...the reactions I do have idek if they are genuine disgust or something i trained my body yo do...but I still don't get hard to gay porn at all...i check and check....i see a big booty girl and I'm like damn. ..her ass fat asf...but idk if this is admiration or genuine lust for a fat ass....i just don't know anymore....
     
  13. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    Is it possible for hocd to create feelings they are not really real? To example a fake arousal or crush feelings for a guy with palpilation but without butterflys in the belly, just this palpilation that feels like fear.
     
  14. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    I imagine myself again to have sex and a relationship with a girl. I get aroused and i enjoy it. If i imagine this things with a guy i didnt get aroused and didnt enjoy it. This is the proof that i am heterosexual, but there comes the anxiety again. I always think about that digit ratio think and stare at my fingers and that triggers my anxiety again.
     
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  15. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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  16. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    Well i didnt masturbate since a week. The feeling of being gay is weaker now. i check myself again when i watch women ( i get hard ) and men ( i dont get hard ). I watch a few foot porns today but i didnt masturbate, but there is such a urge that want to watch this videos.
     
  17. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    I relapse guys :(

    I cant resist i must watch this shit of porn.
     
  18. Straus

    Straus Fapstronaut

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    So today i was checking myself again. I am sure i most be bisexual now. I masturbate to naked men pictures and cum very fast. I also imagined me having a relationship with a guy. Kissing him, cuddle with him and have sex with him. I dont get aroused but i was not disgusted. At the women i got aroused but thats not the thing. If i was straight never ever i was able to get aroused to naked men. I lived a lie my whole life, i thought i was straight but that cant be true anymore. I just should accept now that iam Bisexual
     
  19. AngeZarate10

    AngeZarate10 Fapstronaut

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    only you know the truth.
     

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