Hire a therapist as accountability partner

Anybody here ever work with sex therapist or just a therapist in general? If nothing else, if I knew I had to pay somebody $150 200 bucks a month, I have a feeling that would have a positive psychological sting/ reminder that you can't afford to do this indefinitely, so you need to take this s*** serious and stop pmo. Know what I mean?

Nobody really wants to spend that kind of money if you feel like you're just wasting your time. However, it would be money worth well spent if it helped. Personally, and maybe a lot of people are like this: I don't want to make a fool of myself if I'm paying somebody good moneyfor it not to produce results.

What's everybody's experience having hired a shrink?

 

you said CSAT was very helpful. How so?

you make a good point: a therapist would not be a good accountability partner because that's not really their job. However, I still May hire a therapist, along with also finding some kind of group accountability that can compliment therapy on the side. As someone else pointed out: the more things you do to Aid in your recovery, the more committed you are also becoming. And especially when you start spending money for help, you really got to take this crap serious then because for most of us, money is limited.

However, because I don't have the money of Jeff Bezos, it's probably useful first to see how much progress I can make on my own before I start spending thousands of dollars. I was just at the library, picked up some books on Addiction in general, but also some books on sex addiction.

Probably a good idea to educate oneself before going into therapy, so you know if the therapist you're working with actually knows what the hell they're talking about.

 

Thanks. How are things going with your own Journey? What are some things you've done so far that have worked?

 

Thanks for telling me about your childhood. Interesting, perhaps isn't the right word to use, it is still though nonetheless.

Initially, I kind of wanted to talk to somebody about some perverted stuff I've done over the years. But, the more I think about it, I really don't need to pay someone in order for them to tell me that it was perverted actions, I already know that: phone sex with married woman, and other stuff. Just want to start moving forward, as slow as it needs to take, starting right now.

But I had a veteran cop tell me once, that after all his years in law enforcement one thing he learned is how perverted men really are.

If I do go the route of a therapist, and I may still, but it would be more so just to have, as you said: a real life human to talk to about this stuff. I go back to what I said before, if I actually put some skin in the game: money, I think I'm a lot more likely to take all this more serious.

A therapist who knows what they're talking about, meeting once a month, basically to bounce off ideas of what I'm currently doing over the course of the last month to improve myself in areas of being a more sexually healthy human. And each new month, basically just trying to be a little more sexually healthy than I was the month before. And using the therapist to kind of Bounce Off those ideas of what is working and what isn't working and they can throw in there too since too.

But, based on the logic above, I probably be better off just finding an accountability partner on this nofap forum.

 

I'm reading a book on addiction, a neuroscientific approach to treating addiction. I kind of decided I can't seriously attempt "recovery" until I have a better understanding of what's going on, and how addictions work in general.

To my understanding, and I don't know why this would not be true: some people can use pornography in an appropriate moderation, and likewise some people get hooked and fall under that dangerous category of porn or sex addiction. Like alcohol or other substances for example, some people can use them in moderation and some people overstep their boundaries.

Though apparently, about 10% of the population just based on genetics is more likely to become addicted to something. And then there is physiological addiction: certain drugs, for example, anyone will get hooked if they use them enough. And it's funny, cuz it just kind of happens, or at least that's what it feels like I'm sure. You can't really pinpoint exactly when it happened, you just wake up one day and realize you're kind of hooked on something. Or like John Lennon said, and I'm paraphrasing but it was something like:" you can't really say exactly when you fall in love, you just wake up one day and realize you're in love."

 

Apparently once you are truly addicted to something, let's take alcohol for example, to the alcoholics brain, it literally feels like fight or flight, life or death if they don't get their drink. Which makes a lot of sense when you think about that person who gets that fifth DWI and is sent to prison because they couldn't stop themselves from drinking and making poor decisions.

With that said, it's important to understand that the person has a disease and is not acting like "themself." So it's important to be patient with that person and realize that they can get better and when/if they do that person will be a different person more likely for the better.

It's good to know some of this stuff, that some of my past behaviors were at least partially due to my brain being hijacked. So be patient with myself, because one's emotional state can very much cause triggers and cause that person to relapse. For example, if you beat yourself up with shame and make yourself feel miserable your probably more likely to relapse (once you have a certain amount of control over your addiction already).

 

If I said: but isn't masturbation healthy in moderation (1-2 times per week)? Let's say for the sake of argument, that if somebody was able to only masturbate one to two times per week it would be healthy enough.

However, that brings up the next question: can somebody who is a porn/sex addict truly only masterbate 1-2 times per week? I've tried going down that route, of masturbation in moderation: for me, it did not work, in fact, It generally only leads to binge/ out of control masturbation.

In a way, I guess it's like asking an alcoholic to only have 1-2 beers per week.

 

I still don't get it though. What am I supposed to do: be like the Dalai Lama and go abstinence for the next 50 years? That ain't happening either.

 

Going back to my original statement about masturbation in moderation. For me, it does work as long as there is no access to porn. Because masturbating several times in a week without porn just feels like a chore more than anything.

So based on that statement, if I got rid of my phone altogether, and just used computers/internet at the public library for Life needs, that would take care of a lot of the problem.