My wake up call came about a week and a half ago. I was having sex with my wife and could not keep an erection. I knew it was because of my addiction. I've been PMO since I was about 14. Almost 20 years. I've tried to stop before but haven't gone more than a week or so. Honestly, I'm terrified to even be writing this introduction, but I know that I need to be part of a support community if there is any hope of me succeeding. Reading some of the other entries has already been so encouraging. I want to be able to renew my relationship with my wife, as well as be a role model to my two boys. Both are teens, and I don't want them falling into the same trap that I did.
You have definitely come to the right place. As you said, being part of a community where people understand what youa re experiencing and can help navigate that road to recovery is very important. It is great that you are posting and recognising that you have a serious problem. First things first, I would recommend having a good read of http://www.yourbrainonporn.com. It has got a lot of very direct information about what you have been doing to yourself for the last 20 years. you have really caused some damage to how your brain functions. But this is a road to recovery so all you have to do is follow that road, learn about the problem, follow the advice, be disciplined in yourself and you will get better. However, being disciplined is not a common trait of a PMO addict so it is going to take work. Break it down into chunks. Read around (looks like you have already done some), start a journal somewhere that you think you identify with, write about all the things you are doing to help yourself, write a list of things that trigger you and come up with a list of things you can do to combat those urges. Get a counter to keep track of your progress, delete any P on your computer, delete any bookmarks or secret accounts, look into installing a P blocker like K9. You can do all these things a bit at a time or throw yourself at it. Either way, you are moving forward. The most important thing to keep in mind, though, is that from now on you are never going to look at P. you are never going to fap to P. Did that sentence make you shudder? Did you feel a physical reaction to it? That is your addiction reacting to its doomed future. Learn to recognise what your addiction feels like, what it sounds like. Learn to identify it when it lies to you, when it prods you, when it tries to convince you that giving up is too hard and you should just give in. THAT is your addiction. THAT is what you are fighting. Good luck. Keep coming back.
