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halfm
Last Activity:
Oct 30, 2015
Joined:
Jul 29, 2014
Messages:
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Location:
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halfm

Fapstronaut, from NC

halfm was last seen:
Oct 30, 2015
    1. halfm
      halfm
      It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'm honestly not sure what really triggered it, but it has been relapse city. I made myself go back and read some of my stuff the other day, and that seemed to help break the denial. I've made it a few days now. How have you been?
    2. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      How you doing bro?
    3. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      I'm taking a break from posting this week. I've been distressed since what happened last week. I really care for this girl. I've been reading about flatline as much as possible. It's getting to be an obsession and I need a mental break. A mental break from reading about fapping and hard mode and flatline and 10 day flatline vs 100 day flatline. I'm anxious, pissed, embarrassed, depressed, ashamed, hopeful all at the same time. Now she's wants to back up a bit and I'm like, shit. Honestly, my sexual energy is tremendous but I got caught at a bad time just 10 days out of a binge. I need simply to think about something else for a few days. So, I'm not reading about anything PMO or nofap related until next Sunday. If you need me, holler through my kik account. Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you make a change. This is mine. So be strong and holla if you need me. I'll hit the forum up when I reach my 21 days next Sunday. Peace.
    4. halfm
      halfm
      Baby steps - I've had to remind myself that it took me almost 20 years to get here, so it will take some time to undo it. That's hard for me because I want it now! :-) I would encourage you to attend a a meeting. At least see what its all about. The organization suggests attending 6 before deciding if it is for you.

      Today is a rest day for me. I'm glad because it is only 35 degrees this morning. Tomorrow it's supposed to be even colder so I will have to bundle up for my long run.
    5. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      Baby steps. Sometimes that's all we can make. I may look into that.
    6. halfm
      halfm
      Pretty early on I realized that I was facing an addiction, not just a bad habit. Back in the middle of October I decided to join SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous). I have been attending meetings online and working the steps. It has been helpful.

      I crossed a few lines last night, but did not relapse. It was a response to an emotional event. But, the rational part of my brain won out. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I recognize that I made progress. Progress, not perfection.
    7. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      What's a recovery meeting? I feel hungry for success. I am aware of overconfidence. It has killed me in the past. I'm just humbly acknowledging I can't look at any P or entertain a sexual thought. It simplifies it for me so I just brush them away before it takes root. I desperately want to succeed man. So, one day at a time. I've been here before with 9 days. My apprehension will set in after 14 days. I can't seem to get through that 3rd week. So we will see.
    8. halfm
      halfm
      So far, so good. Shared my story for the first time at my recovery meeting last night. Felt good to get if off my chest. But, a bit more emotional than I realized. This is about the time that I usually screw things up, so I'm a bit apprehensive. But determined. You?
    9. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      How's your 2nd week going so far?
    10. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
    11. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      Yeah man. One week today. Haven't done that since last time I participated in nofap. I won't even dare do a 1/2. I will barely run 3 miles, and that's on a good day. I have some pretty intense cardio workouts I participate in. If I sign up for a month or so, I should have the endurance for a tough mudder without having to practice running a lot. It bothers my knees and hips. It's still gonna be VERY hard though. It'll be fun. I'll be 42 next year so I just wanna be able to say I did it.
    12. halfm
      halfm
      Good job on the 6 days. Did you make a week today? I did a mud run in September. It was awesome and I can't wait to do another one. I've looked at Tough Mudder, but I'm nowhere near ready for that yet. I want to conquer the half marathon first. I tried a mudderling workout once and it kicked my butt!!
    13. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      Wassup, day 6 is done. Looking forward to my first week. Have. Good one.
    14. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      Kik user name is kellz1843
    15. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      Not bad actually. I've got officially 5 days and 6 hrs down now. I've only felt a few urges and brushed them away quickly. I stay busy with work. I'm in the gym 3-4 days a week. I lift though. I also do some HIIT exercise programs. I can't run for squat. I respect runners, but don't see how you guys do it. I need to get ready for a tough muddier race next year so ima have to start soon. It's a 10 mile obstacle course. My biggest obstacle is the 10 miles. It's all good though. But as far as PMO, I've been good. I have a new friend so I want to start our relationship off right. It helped ruin my marriage. I want this to last so I'm resolved to go into and remain PMO free. So I'm doing this for me first, then for us. So, so far so good.
    16. halfm
      halfm
      How's it going? It'll be one week for me tomorrow.
    17. halfm
      halfm
      Good for you! I had a close call last night. I was feeling the urge, so I decided to go for a night run. After 4 miles, I felt better. When I got to bed I still had to face some intrusive thoughts, so I got back up and did some push-ups. That seemed to work. I came close but stayed strong. I've been up this morning continuing to work on my story that I'll share with the reovery group sometime.

      What's your kik username? I'll look you up. It's pretty easy to respond. :-)

      Chris
    18. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      Good man, I'm good for day 4. Looking forward to tomorrow. Stay connected and stay strong. I can't figure out that kik thing. I'll get it eventually.
    19. halfm
      halfm
      Yep. In fact I was tempted to act out, but reached out to my recovery group. That's big progress for me!
    20. Kellz1843
      Kellz1843
      Day 2 is down. U good?
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  • About

    Location:
    NC
    34 yo male

    I recently started running and I am trying to work my way up to a half marathon.

    Signature

    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
    I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference. (Robert Frost)