Help with my girlfriend

It would be unhealthy to deliberately 'relapse' with your girlfriend because that's going to trigger your addiction. Doing it with her isn't going to let the steam out, it's letting the genie out the bottle. You're going to end up fapping to porn loads. It's important that she realises that it's an addiction. It's not just a subsitute for normal sex to satisfy regular sexual urges, the urge is distinctly to jerk off to many videos of anonymous women. That's what the addiction is. She is not porn, she is not what you're addicted to. But jerking off to a video of her on a screen is nevertheless likely going to trigger your addiction, because the addiction is to jerking off to women on screens. It's not a good idea.

If she says that doesn't answer her question or is still has some kind of problem with whether she is 'porn' or not, I'd suggest she's just being difficult. It's pretty self-evident why it's a bad idea for an addict to deliberate engage in the behaviour they're addicted to, no matter the context. I'd change the subject.

 

This is not your girlfriends fault in any way, in fact discourage her from trying to compete with porn, she can't compete with fantasy and that only leads to more pain on her end. What your brain seeks is nothing but a fantasy the perfect scenario to reach the peak and then call it a day. Well the road to that perfect scenario which let's be clear doesn't exist, leads you to watch more naked woman than you would in a life time. Your brain becomes a spoiled brat and then all that wants is newer and more fucked up content. You can't stop yourself so you give in, then you feel shitty and because you feel shitty you end up going to to porn again because it makes you feel less shitty for a little bit. This means that at the end of the day, you fucked up your neural pathways a bit more and hijacked your reward system, so normal things activities don't feel very good, you become numb, angry, frustrated, etc. Also because your reward system is messed up and your girlfriend cannot change shapes, the brat brain won't be as entertain by her.

There is a very logical explanation to the addict behaviour, though it's so crazy that some people have a hard time believing it. For me and my wife, understanding what was happening in my head on a chemical level helped me to be more mindful of where I was standing. As you are long distance, maybe one of the things you could do with her is read together a book on this subject, I always say your brain on porn is a great start. Best of luck!

 

On surface level, it's important for you to think about how you'd feel with the roles reversed. How would you feel if she was choosing PMO instead of virtual intimacy with you. Just something to think about.

 

You would, you'd have an advantage: You're experiencing the addiction. You know that it's real, it's weird and it has nothing to do with how much you love her.

She doesn't have that insider info, so lack of understanding is normal on her part.

There's plenty of good advices here. Relationships are always complicated, more so if they're long distance, and PMO isn't known as a facilitator of anything.
But on the other hand, challenges make things grow. Anything can be achieved through perseverance... and love rocks.
Good luck!

 

I think I understand what you mean by this. Correct me if I'm wrong. But you are saying feel that you'd understand her better than she currently understands you.

What I was suggesting though is imagine how she feels about you fantacizing about other women, rather than engaging in something with her. It would make her feel like she's less than optimal in your eyes. Imagine how you would feel if you were wanting to engage in a form of intimacy with her, and she would rather fantacize about other men. You likely would feel rejected. Which can hurt really bad.

 

I’m coming at this from the perspective of one being addicted to a particular camera model, rather than porn generally. The interactivity of working with your girlfriend, rather than responding to anonymous porn, should motivate you to spend time virtually with your girlfriend.

The fact that you don’t choose to interact with her instead puzzles me. Are you afraid of the intimacy or the lack of anonymity? My long-term relationship with one camgirl removed any semblance of a lack of intimacy or, over time, anonymity. That was a good thing. I don’t get it.

Celebrate her willingness to be intimate with you.

 

Perhaps in some brain chemistry sense they are similar. But building a relationship between two people by sharing intimacy is itself a valid experience.

 

You can probably explore, going through s fee weeks without the intimacy thing and then try adding it, see how you feel. It's definitely a screen and virtual but I don't think it's porn. Some people can recover having intimacy In their relationship and others can't, it's a matter of trial and error.

Though, the real issue is not whether she is porn or not, the message she is trying to send is why don't you stop using porn and focus on me. To her and in reality, it won't matter any answer/explanation you give unless you take a real stand and stop. She is telling you "hey I'm flying to visit you and you still go to porn, why am I not enough". Understanding where the problem comes from may help a little bit, but it won't help her with the feeling of betrayal. I don't mean to sound too forward but If you are in this forum you probably know what the real problem is. If I'm missing context I apologize, but the answer to her pain and yours is to quit.