Help, my SO feels blocked for sex

Wait, shes your ex?

 

Gotta tell you man, I think I'd reboot and move on, maybe friendzone her. The damage has been done. As soon as you would have a bad day and she couldn't turn you on, it's going sideways on you. Bad situation.

 

Oh, and karezza sucks, we tried it. Its wholly unsatisfying and you find yourself trying to wake her up in the middle of the night cause you can't sleep, still horny, of course, she got off during sex, so she is out like a light. And you're left lying there debating if doing it yourself will be that bad for reboot.

I gotta tell you, there is A LOT of mental illness floating around on these boards. A lot of guys are masking their depression, bipolar, anxiety etc with sex disfunction. And coming up with stuff like karezza, which is wholly unnatural. Sex has one purpose, to reach orgasm, anything less feels frustrating and unnatural.

 

As an SO I need to disagree completely with the "advice" above. Karezza is incredibly healing and I have never heard anything negative about it (except the above post which is very much "addict" talk). I highly recommend that you read "Cupid's Poisoned Arrow" which describes the neurochemical bonding that occurs with Karezza and that we are not in fact solely animals that must reach orgasm to be natural. That being said, for many couples dealing with PA/SA Karezza offers a huge relief from performing and the comfort of connecting. Remember: The Opposite Of Addiction Is Connection. It also decreases performance anxiety greatly.

 

@Sadgirl Thank goodness there are people like you on this forum on behalf of every heartbroken SO.

 

Hey, whatever works for you and your guy, great. But wanting an orgasm with sex is as much addict behavior, as wanting to swallow the food you've chewed, when you're hungry.

 

Using your logic Damnation. When you are addicted to junk food, to a point where it makes you unhealthy. And you feel like you cant live without it. But guess what? You most certainly can. And you don't do that by not eating ever again. You do it by learning how to eat healthily, abstaining from the bad stuff, but still eating. Learning to enjoy food for the right reasons.
An addict to porn/masturbation/orgasm must re-learn his sexual desire/practices from unhealthy, to healthy. And that means abstaining from the bad stuff, the stuff that triggers unhealthy behaviour, and learning to associate sex with feelings/intimacy/love rather than a dopamine high. And the point of Karezza isn't to avoid orgasm forever, its a tool to aid in the building of connection/intimacy whilst in recovery from the addiction to dopamine fuelled orgasm. As sex wont all be about chasing orgasms anymore. Just like a person on a diet wont always be on a diet, and will be able to increase their calories once at a healthy weight.

 

So much, this. I can see that this is exactly my behavior, even being PMO free for almost a month. I still chase the physical connection with my wife, even with no expectation of O. It's still addict behavior. It's going to be tough digging out of this.

 

Agree with this! Managed to successfully achieve Karezza/Orgasm-free sex a few times with my wife, and it's absolutely amazing! The opposite of what I'd thought... it is hard at first, and accidents can happen (she coughed the other night during lovemaking and the reflexes made me ejaculate instantly haha!) but I find it a really useful tool for bonding - I don't feel tired after sex, I feel all wired & cuddly.

I just bought the cupid book, need to give it a read!

 

HAHA this is amazing!!!!

 

Thank you so much for your kind words <3

 

Honestly, I hadn't had any masterbation/sexual activity or contact for about a week, so she agreed we could try still lovemaking, so I gently ease inside her slowly....obviously I was close to the edge anyway, and I couldn't control myself once she coughed!

(Anyone else notice how a vagina tightens when a woman coughs or sneezes?) Haha