Help. A girl might have cheated on her bf with me?

Did you have sex with her? Or were you only texting? What actually happened? It sounds like you were just texting.. if this is the case, then no cheating happened and it was just flirtation

 

you are fine… just go to work like normal and do your job.. whatever happens will happen.. no need to stress about it

Her boyfriend isn’t part of a gang or carries a weapon with him? Your only risk is if the boyfriend attacks you

 

If you don’t want to ruin someone’s relationship, then be clear and set boundaries. Let her know how you feel, and paint a picture of the scenario. So far, it looks like you haven’t really done anything except for just texting, but that could just just the start iykwim.

Clearly you’re feeling guilt, and distress because you know it’s wrong only because she’s already in a relationship. You seem like a good person, with morals who holds loyalty as being something of great importance, I think.

The question is does she really like you? and do you like her? Would you just fuck around or could this lead to something pure, loving, and serious. If so, maybe you two could be a better match together than she’s with her current partner rn. Who knows, tbh I’m pretty sure a lot of people who are in long term relationships, married, etc meet and join together from situations like that. The guy would probably hate you and her, or move on and realize oh they’re better off together, I wish them the best.

On another note, but if she’s in a committed monogamous relationship already, and almost cheated on that person with you, I’d maybe wanna let that guy know what’s going on, of course you’d only do that if you realized how much of a bro move it’d be. Would be potentially saving him from dealing with a lot of unnecessary future pain, or having his heart broken down the line because of a cheating/infidelity/lack of trust situation. Even if it makes things awkward, or fcks with the relationship(s) It’s only fair dont you think. Could be a catalyst of a learning experience for everyone involved, and lead
to lessons, maturity, growth, and developments. @fusion47

 

I had to chuckle at this, she's not just out of his league, but WAY out. he's got some hurt coming, but im sure it was fun for a while. She's got some hurt in her future too when she finally does get with some guys with many options, and they take them. Glad to be old and ugly

 

Cheating on someone means having sex. Flirting or sexual texting, while it could be morally wrong is not cheating.
You are a nice guy, if a 10/10 was sexual texting me, I would be having sex with her with minimum guilt. People find their own level and you say she's out of his league, so it won't last with him. Just understand that she will cheat on you next, welcome to the world of hot college girls.

 

I completely disagree with this. What a myopic and unhealthy viewpoint. Only sex is cheating? This is some immature logic.

There is physical cheating and emotional cheating. I'm not going to educate you on what this means. You have the internet and are capable of researching this yourself. But what you partook in is indeed emotional cheating. If you guys are sexting each other without the other boyfriend's consent, then that is cheating. How would you feel if you were in a monogamous long term relationship and you found out your partner was spending their private time sexting some stranger behind your back? That's a clear breach of trust in intimacy with another person that you did not consent to. Thus, cheating.

If the boyfriend is okay with it / they're in an open relationship, then that's fine. If you are okay with cheating is up to your own personal morals and ethics. What type of person do you want to be? Do you want to be a cheater, or a person who helps other people partake in cheating, and are you okay with that? Then by all means, go forward with what you're doing. If you don't want to be a cheater, or if you don't want to be a person who partakes in cheating, then set clear boundaries and let her know you don't feel comfortable with these advances because she's in a relationship.

It's as simple as that.

And please, for the love of God, don't listen to people like nomo. Instead do your own research. Like I said, you have the internet. There are a gazillion articles out there about what classifies as emotional cheating.

 

Couldn't agree with you more @fasticles. Unfortunately, just like the real world, this community encompasses individuals from all walks of life. The lack of "actual" understanding of things easily, and frequently, spills over in to misinformed (and toxic) information being disseminated throughout our boards. Thank you for calling out the misinformation. By doing so, you potentially prevent others from justifying unhealthy behavior that would be counterproductive to recovery.

Wishing you the best bro!

 

Look for another job. There could be serious problems for you since you work with her.

 

If this girl is in a relationship, why would you even consider sending her any kind of sexual message??? She's clearly committed to someone else. Would you be okay with her doing that with someone else if you had been dating her for years? (And to keep it fair, let's rememeber that she's sending sexually charged texts to a lust addict.)

 

I cannot possibly agree with you more on this. It doesn't sound like nomo is really working a good program if he would ha e sex with a 10/10 who was in a relationship showed interest in him.

 

But shes way out of her BFs league!

 

Okay, I read that. But how does that matter in this situation for fusion47?

 

The way you're describing this gives me the impression this woman is a bad person and is using you as an escape from her failing relationship. I'd be willing to bet even if you did sleep with her, she'd eventually break your heart too. Both you and the other guy deserve better.

 

Okay, that sheds a little.more light on this. So if she's losing interest in her bf and decides to pursue you after that relationship ends, you'll be able to make your decision based on your feelings on her and whatever you feel (if any) role you played in her current relationship ending. But I would caution you not to completely eliminate the possibility of what's going on with her and bluer bf now happening to you and her in the future. It may seem like it never would if you two got together, but never say never. You don't know what has happened between them privately. I'm not saying it absolutely will happen, I'm just saying don't be so quick to be sure it never would.