Hi! I'm abcsuper. And I'm from Hong Kong. a 23y/o man. I'm not so sure where can I post for looking for help, but let me post my questions here. First of all, I did only had 1 relationship and it was over. 2 years ago I guess. I know that for HC Nofap should be NPMO. But I also can't really do that at all. I will still have P and M sometimes, but I feels like no orgasm has became my habit. It feels weird because sure of course orgasm feels great, but at the sometime it feels lonely and more importantly, that will lead to my body leaking nutrients. Losing testosterone. After no orgasm became my habit, some of my friend told me that I have a better skin, also I found some voice record comparison on nofap on reddit, and I did my own voice record also, there is really a big different to my voice. Deeper and sexier, that's why I don't want to have orgasm, at least until I'm not single. But also I feel confusing. I'm virginal, ya sure I want to have sex and orgasm. But also after a long time of recovery after break up(ya 2 yrs ago already) I feels like I'm adapted to single. While I want a relationship but at the same time I feels...how should I say that...annoying to have a relationship? Ya that could be the word, sry for my English. So should I go and seek a relationship? ya I know, I'm confused. I want one but also I feels annoying about that, annoying to seek a relationship I mean. Also I want to try sex. At least I feels bad if I get an orgasm while masturbate, that's just pure leaked energy. But should I save my virginity for my next relationship or should I just find a way or find someone and have sex? Really hard to tell which way will have less chance to regret. At least in my head there is also a voice said try everything as early as possible and I feels like WTF are u sure? I really need some advice from u guys, thank you!
Hi. Welcome to forum! Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation. I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started. As far as your questions, that's kind of personal. I can recommend some but ultimately you have to figure out what Your values are. So should you find a GF? I would say yes. If you do not like relationships you can always just brake up. But you might be happy that you decided to find somebody. You might figure out it was worth it to overcome that annoyance. If you do not try it you might never know would that be worth it or not. Should you have casual sex? I do not think there is anything wrong with casual sex. The same way I do not think think there is anything wrong with masturbation. But I agree with you that it is waste of energy. But meaningless sex it pretty much also waste of energy. Meaningless sex is like using the body of female as a sex toy. You are using her as a blow up sex doll basically. Like I said, nothing wrong with it morally, she is using you as nothing but a dildo too - fair trade. But if you have problem with masturbating then you also should have problem with meaningless casual sex, cos it's pretty much the same thing. Having sex with somebody in relationship that you care about it is different. Maybe not so much physically (even tho if you making love it does release hormones differently that just fucking does). But mainly psychologically. And it's not so much waste of semen too. Because you actually get love back from it, it's a payment you have to make. While in casual sex you get nothing back, you just lose energy. Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
