Got a Girlfriend, I think I am rebooted

Thanks for hearing me out. If anything I said doesn't apply to your situation, then it doesn't apply.

Personally, I think a young lady such as you describe who just wants a casual/open relationship is already damaged and setting herself up for more. But that's my opinion, many would disagree. A lot of young people are similarly carefree, and it is what it is.

I concede that there is utility in PUA techniques, and developing your confidence. I'm just wary about what I see as the logical end of a science that regards relationships and romance as a set of protocols and quantities to be processed. It's somewhat dehumanising, whether or not you use the techniques with noble intentions. I expect there's a healthy balance to be found, but from your initial post I feared you had crossed over it.

Congratulations on your recovery, complete or otherwise.

 

So you're being a voluntary cuck for her huh? Interesting.

 

The word convince is defined as follows: To cause someone, by use of evidence or argument to believe something or take a course of action. So if you convinced her that means it was not her idea, nor was she open to it, but you persuaded her to be. That’s what you said you used the word convinced. So she agreed that you should be in an open relationship after you convinced her right?

 

You call the shots right? Sounds like a very respectful relationship, when one person calls the shots.

 

Well, he sees her as a 6 out of ten and also a social experiment so..

 

DUDE, if you have to persuade someone to do someone they don’t want to do it. You make it sound like she said to you “hey I am looking for an open relationship and you said that sounds good.” But what really happened is you said I am looking for an open relationship and she said I am not sure that is something I am interested in, but you persuaded her to come to see things your way. So which one is it? It’s like me not wanting to go to a baseball game because I don’t like baseball. You ask me to go I tell you no I do not want to go. I don’t like baseball. You tell me all the things that are great about baseball and why I should go with you, so I relent and I go, and I hate every second of it.

 

Right I wonder if he’s told her he sees her as a 6 out of 10 and a social experiment, think she would be on board for that? The level of addicted throught process going on in this thread is gobsmacking. That’s why we cannot make sense of it, it is an illogical thought process.

 

That's a contradiction, but it doesn't matter to me.

I have no doubt that girls want to have fun. But neither do I doubt the wages of sin. Cyndi may as well have sung "boys just wanna watch porn".

I don't want to keep on at you, but when you say:

I find that very selfish. This plan may well be great for you, but not for the women you string along, nor their future partners (nor perhaps yours). The women may be consenting to all of this, but I don't agree with the view that consent makes things OK. I think promiscuity is harmful for individuals (some more than others) but also for society.

 

I'm not a Christian either, but I think there is wisdom in religious traditions. "Sin" in this context is not a stain on your immortal soul, but a selfish or short-sighted action that has serious negative consequences in the longer term, I think I've already outlined what I think those consequences are.

 

Defensive is not the English word for what I am doing. You are being defensive. FOr me to be defensive would mean that I had done something and you were calling me out for it, and I defended myself. I did not do anything so how can I be defensive? I am female so I do think I have a bit more insight into how a woman feels, acts and thinks than you do. First, the fact that you are using a scale to rate a woman in itself is problematic, and objectifying. Remember you are a porn addict in recovery, so any type of objectifying is a no no. Second, you should not ever tell a woman she is a 6/10 or a 2/10 or whatever the case may be. The fact that she said “I am a 6/10” was not a display of confidence, it was her telling you she does not think she’s attractive enough for you, and you confirm it? That’s like me saying to a guy hey you know your dick is really small compared to every other guy I have been with, it’s not all that great. Why in God’s name would someone say that? If you cared at all about her feelings, you would not say that. She may act like it does not hurt her, but it does. It may be true that a man has a small penis, but what is gained from saying that? Third, a PMO addict in recovery should not be in a relationship with a person that they are basically using as a sexual object, and that’s what you are doing. Whether she consents to it, is on board with it, or not, the problem is you. How is this part of recovery? All you have done is transferred your porn addiction to her. The fact that you may be able to find a woman who has such low self esteem that she thinks being treated this way does not mean it’s okay for you to do it. Just because she agrees to it does not mean what you are doing is okay.

 

I don’t want to win. I want you to be successful in your reboot and not hurt others in the process. My suggestion is that you end this relationship, and go back into hard reboot as well as counseling for 90 days. Then try dating again. The issue that you are having (and you may not see it), is that you are treating women as sexual objects or objects just for your pleasure. Sure you love women, but in the way you loved porn, or you love pizza, not in the way that true love exists. You need to see women as people, not objects to provide a rating to. The partner you describe clearly has low self esteem, and you are taking advantage of it. Then after your reboot, focus on getting to know women, not on picking them up or having sex with them. Have female friends, go places where you will interact with women and then move forward from there. The PMO mindset is very hard to get past, and it’s not something that generally happens in a few months, it can take years, but first you have to see that you still have it, and I am not so sure you do.