Getting a gf motivates me to be the best version of myself. Is this bad ?

I think that's a very good question. My husband thought he had left his PMO habit behind when he met and married me, ie, he wouldn't need it anymore, now that he had a girlfriend and, later, a wife. Turns out that was wrong and he relapsed after we married. He deceived me for 5 painful years, during which I knew something was wrong, but not what. I guess my point is, you do need to find an inner motivation to change and live a better life. You can't hang it on the love and attention of a girl. I think it's good to think, I want to be successful at being the best man I can be so I can be ready to find a good gf/someday wife. But it shouldn't be the only reason you have to have a better life. What if you and that girl break up? What if you guys end up fighting? Do you PMO based on those ups and downs of life?

Plus, I'm a great believer in the gut feeling. I think you're asking this question because you have a gut feeling you need a deeper motivation to change. Something doesn't feel quite right. Trust your gut.

 

YES. That. That is an excellent goal. For me, therapy helped with that. Best of luck to you.

 

I worked on my posture and my body language. My head use to be bent forward and fixed that with a exercise. Now my posture is as good as James Bond. Also started lifting weights. I started using cologne.

But I see very few women because I work nights.

 

I find the best type of motivation is self-motivation because it comes from within. This is when you are in control of your life, and you set reasonable goals for yourself to obtain and accomplish them to the best of your ability. Self-motivation means disciplining yourself without the need of others. For me, I started off with having no confidence when I was much younger, especially in high school.

What helped me to be self-motivated is to write down my goals: they involve daily, short term, and long term goals. If I want to get a girlfriend, I must take the necessary steps in order to have one. I've finally realized that the best types of relationships ends up being unexpected. Why? Because you're focused on yourself, such as your life, your goals, your dreams, what makes you happy, etc. Women are the last thing in your mind because your own self-motivation and self-discipline will help you immensely in keeping you right on track.

If you're considering that having a girlfriend just to motivate you and make you happy, then there's something wrong. Not with you, but more about the situation that you're in. It just means and you're needy, and in most cases, you'll end up with someone who is also needy or just plain manipulative. I've never been in a official relationship, but after a lot mistakes and rejections from girls, I've finally realize what I must do. And that is to work on myself.

Like I said, self-motivation is the best motivation. And if you're lucky to find a girl with the same mindset, then things will work out better in the long run. So my tip to you is this: motivate yourself. Find your passion in what you like to do, and find other interests along with it. Set some goals, write it down, and check it off when you've completed it. If you don't have faith in yourself, then you're just not motivated, and it shows your lack of confidence. But that's my 2 cents of advice for you; hope things work out man.

 

Well I'm flattered by your admiration. These are the things I've learned through experience; therefore, that's where the wisdom comes from. Knowledge alone isn't enough, and sometimes it takes a while to figure it out. For example, it took me almost 10 years. The reason why is because back then all I wanted was to have a girlfriend. This was a bad situation, and after countless of failures with women, I've decided I've had enough. Ever since I've focused on myself such as my health, my career, my confidence with girls, and so on, things have been a lot better for me. I can feel the confidence in myself because of all of the accomplishments I've had. Also in your case, I'm just telling you these things ahead of time for your own good. If you were hurt as badly as I have, then you wouldn't be posting this thread. Life can teach you many things bro. Other than that, not too many people admire what I have to say, so I do appreciate it. Best of luck on your journey man

 

Why in the world would that be a bad motivation? One of my motivations is that I wanna get married and have a family one day, and I don't want this to get in the way of my future relationship with my future wife. It's a great motivation!

 

Good motivation!
You have to be good to attract good. Also, you have to be good to take care of the GF appropriately. So working on yourself is basically the smartest thing to do!

 

Whatever works for you man. So long as something is pushing you to strive to become a better person, what does it matter? Honestly as long as you are changing for the better, actively working towards those self improvement girls you can decide to join NoFap just for the fun of it and go on to become PMO free.

What matters though is that you really apply yourself to whatever it is you're doing. It won't do if you show up to these self help groups, learn from them and then decide to goof off and forget everything that they're teaching. Focus on becoming a better person, that will lead to the girls.

 

I agree with all said here.

BUT, be careful, because don't set your standard on stuff that is either hollywoodian, or trend'ish..
If you want to be the best man, you don't have to be an athlete+a sex god+a philosopher+ a chef cook+ the most perfect man on this rock...you don't have to prostitute yourself to meet a girl/woman. You need to find the right girl ,not a fussy girl.

You need to have a healthy relationship with life and people. You need to avoid being a creep and have a good level of self-confidence..
But life is more than relationships. It's about a full experience of feeling good or at least half-decent in all aspects of your life.

This is a life project. Don't rush it , or don't pressure yourself to be perfect. You're not. I'm not.

 

Islanders all the above have said good points....

You are already good, you are already great my friend....you were born good....you just got lost along the way....you have good traits and you need to find them again.....


Me I got lost when I was about 17.....but I started to find my self at 36...the reason I say this is no gf or wife can define the goodness in you.....only you can define it....and usually it's what you were before all this shi$ started....I started to ride my bike again....I started to follow my childhood football (soccer) team again....I started to draw designs for houses again.....

All this stuff I hadn't done for years....as parents had kinda said I would make no money from those things.......well I made loads of money and where did it get me I led a life of lies and cheating and PMO......now I live the life I wanna lead....if I wanna draw a house design...I do it....if I wanna ride my bike I ride it....I wanna cheer a team...then that's what I do....

Secondly don't blame the past for the now....you own the now...go be who you want to be....

Find your passion....as I said usually the stuff you were talked out of doing as a young child

Strangely the girls will come...as they like a guy that is into what he does....

 

Well, if you've built a Solid sense of discipline, that's actually a pretty amazing and profound motive, wanting to better yourself for the sake of your Goddess.

 

I think it's ok to try to be "the best version of yourself" as long as you do it for yourself. You don't have to change yourself for somebody. Think what's good for you. Because when that person is not there anymore, what motivation will you have to keep being that awesome person you've been so far?

My advice: be the best you for yourself and no other reason. Forget about getting a partner or have sex. Those things will come naturally. Maybe not in great quantity, but in good quality.