Get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals

Tx - I know i can beat it. - Where can I get some pointers on the "why" i liked it so much ?

 

This video explains it in scientific terms, which are understandable to non-scientists, like me. It is really quite simple, we are programmed via evolution to "like" sex. We like thinking about it. That part of our brains that reward thinking about sex with a dopamine rush does not distinguish sexual thoughts created by watching porn from those created by thinking about our next sexual partner. Porn, however, High Speed Internet Porn, specifically, is different. It allows for sexual thoughts that are non stop, every day, for years, thus creating a more powerful and prolonged dopamine high, and, thus the addiction.

Get Educated.

http://yourbrainonporn.com/garys-tedx-talk-great-porn-experiment

 

Thanks William. In my case, it helped me realized I had a huge problem with porn reading the books Your Brain on Porn, Breaking the Cycle and The Porn Trap. They also helped me realized the problem could be overcomed. All of them great, with little overlapping. It helped me as well the Maltz Hierarchy of Sexual Interaction http://healthysex.com/self-help-articles/the-maltz-hierarchy-of-sexual-interaction/. And now that I know I have a problem, and I can solve it on my own (I've failed many times), I'm doing the 90 day challenge here.

 

Quitting porn may have been the hardest, most difficult, unpleasant and painful thing, I have ever done. If you are newbie, and you are here, you may be facing one of the most difficult admissions to yourself that any of us make: I am a porn addict. Without that admission, you will never be free. I felt broken, hopeless, nauseous, possibly suicidal.

So, here is the score.

Quitting will feel like dying. If you are not prepared to feel that, don't bother. If you are looking for an easy way out, do not bother, it does not exist. That is the addict's dream. It is just a dream. It does not exist. On the other hand, to quit porn, one must fully embrace their masochistic side. You will, more likely, succeed, if you embrace the pain that quitting entails. The withdrawals are among the worst things, mental, physical, and emotional, I ever felt. The trick is, embracing them, Learning to Love Withdrawals. Know it going in. When it was at its worst, I wanted it to hurt more. Psychologically, that was the way I made it through, that was the trick. I had to quit begging for the pain to stop, and had to start asking for it not to. "Is that all you can hurt me?" "That is the best you have got?" When it hurt, I wanted more, I quit asking for the pain to go away, and asked for me. Did I want more? Fuck no, but not giving into the addiction, not giving it an inch, hating it, spitting in its fact, mocking it; these are what you must do to overcome it. Porn addiction is a mind trick. The cure is, also,is a mind trick. No easy way out, but...there is a way out. I promise you.



Because, I watch other things that porn now.

Much love.

WILL

 

Thanks for sharing. It helps me foccus. I'm on 55 days but the pain in my groin never seems to go away. Today I will say to it is it the best you got tx to you.
Any idea when it goes away ?

 

Many report that by day 90 those feelings are seriously diminished. By then, for many, if done right, they want to go forward, and quit wishing to go back. Of course, feeling some of that is just natural, so, don't expect it to go away, 100%, for ever. The thing about the reboot is not becoming asexual or eliminating sexual desire completely, but, rather, about becoming your own master.

 

Thanks everyone for the very kind posts. So, we get hooked unconsciously. We have to de-hook consciously. That is painful. No easy way out. I just want to say, to anyone reading, especially newbies, there is a way out. You can get clean. By "clean" I mean, not watching it every day, but, more importantly, not missing watching it. And that state can be for life. It takes time, it takes effort, but if you put in the time and effort, you own you. Porn does not own you. You owning you, is sooo much better than porn owing you. Own yourself.

Much love.

WilliamOneAndDone.

 

Hello @WilliamOneAndDone,
do you have an opinion / comment on this (from my Journal):
- thanks for your time!


Relapse After Relapse Prevention Phenomenon
There must be a better name for this. Anyway, what I'm talking about is the phenomenon that exactly when you think you've won against the urges a relapse is pending the most.
At least to me that happened a lot of times. What can be the cause?
Potential reasons:

1. We let our guard down. The fact that urges went away alone let us forget how close we were to the abyss and still are. What's more feelings of relief and success abstract us even more.
2. Relapse Prevention can mean a lot of stress and sexual frustration. When we succeed that means that we haven't used our favorite (sexual) anti-stress tool which is PMO. When we realize our victory and look at our ongoing streak we're rewarded with brain-chemicals. We can stop gritting our teeth and suddenly we feel good. But this is quite different to the heavy dopamine-rush our brain is craving for. I guess the good feeling works somehow as a chaser effect. The crooked logic behind this might be: we're already celebrating so why not go all in and have the best reward of all. Our brain which wanted both, a NoFap success and a PMO-induced dopamine rush might even seek such an outcome as the less-than-ideal-solution. It seems the brain can get the most rewards in a short time from this kind of behavior (of self-fraud) and it seems to make no difference when the consequence is depression and self-loathing.

 

Hi Jodo, I will try and respond.

We have to start at the beginning.

We are hardwired to think about sex, and in turn get something we love, a dopamine rush.

If High Speed Internet Porn had never been invented, we would still like to think about sex, because we like that dopamine rush. So, getting rid of that completely is not possible, and would be unhelpful to the purpose which evolution picked it for: encouraging reproduction.

But, about 20 years, we invented High Speed Internet Porn. This allowed us to ride a pronounced, powerful, dopamine high we could never get through thoughts of sex, or actual sex. Many of us, unconsciously, in ignorance, came to prefer HSIP over reality because it is far better at giving us a dopamine hit, over and over, every day for years, than actual sex can.

The one and only reason all porn addicts (aka porn induced dopamine addicts) relapse is because they love the dopamine high the addiction brings, and when they attempt to quit it, they go through withdrawals. Withdrawals can look and feel like a lot of different things, to a lot of different people, but they are, generally, physical, mental, and emotional pain, of some sort. Addicts do not have to have some underlying flaw, condition, mental illness, to become an addict. We may have those things, but we become addicted for one reason: we love the dopamine high it brings.

The reality, Jodo, that a lot of us do not wish to admit is: reality will not bring as many, or as profound, a dopamine high as PMO does. I know you, and many, have conceived of porn as an anti-stress tool, but I conceive of stress as a withdrawal symptom, so I see porn as a way to treat withdrawals, meaning any addict can lessen withdrawals, as long as they are willing to continue using what they are addicted to.

In quitting this addiction you should embrace a thought many do not wish to admit (including me), and that is that reality's reward will never be as easy, or as high, as the brain-reward PMO can give. Other than, perhaps, other drugs, there is no dopamine high as high as PMO can give us. Part of the trick in getting clean and staying clean is accepting that, and learning to give up, forever, that dopamine high. In the beginning that is an almost impossible thought. But I can assure you that if you are willing to do the reboot, eventually you will quit missing it and quit wanting it, and then you are back to normal.

I hope this helps.

Peace.

Will I AM.

 

I am very grateful to you for making me more aware on this matter. I am really amazed by the quality and purity of your post.

 

You guys are some assholes that Gabe video has pornographic scenes I thought this was a site for porn addicts to heal & help each other why would you include that in your post I hope that doesn't affect our reboot process cause that was very incorsiderate

 

Hi Garlon, welcome to the forum. Having been here for over three years, I have been called every name you can imagine, and, some quite creative ones you probably have not. Addicts, in recovery or not, are not the nicest of beings. As for the asshole thing, I'll own it. I have no illusions about who or what I am. As for Gabe Deem, and Alexander Rhodes, and Gary Wilson, they are not. They are bright lights in the very dark place many porn addicts find themselves in. In 50 years, people who study the addiction will look back and those people will be where the beginning of the cure will be traced to.

Thanks to all for the kind words.

Billy OneAndDone

 

Thanks for the message and the link to this thread.
However, I feel I must clear some more of my story up.
I have edited my thread in the forum New To NoFap in order to do this.

 

This is a very helpful thread indeed. Thanks for letting me know about this in your pm Williamoneanddone. I am through with day 5 today (I live in Tokyo so the sun sets sooner than for you guys). I am aiming for a 30-day hard-mode at the moment. I know you strongly recommend the 90 day one but that is not an option for me esoecially because I'm married and I can't not have sex for that long. The longest I can go without an orgasm (sex-induced) is about 50-days, but that seems a long way away at day 5. I hope less than 90 doesn't mean useless.

 

今日は @new_mojo. Welcome to the forum. I love Tokyo. I love Harajuku. Just make it to the train before midnight. I love Yoyogi park, I love to watch the greasers light up rock and roll.

You will be fine, just remember, during sex, think of your wife, and only your wife. Do not use porn memory or porn imagination. I have absolute confidence you will succeed in this. じゃまた . Don't be a herbivore.

Much love.

Will I AM.

 

Thanks for all of the information and for taking the time to direct me to this post! I really find the information on porn substitutes to be very enlightening. I have been using substitutes for a long time now but am still left feeling worthless and guilty after doing it. I can finally see the fact that the substitutes are actually just as harmful as the real thing.

 

Gary Wilson's ted talk is not available in the link in first post but here :



and also link to topic is changed as nofap is not running on nofap.org anymore but nofap.com

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/action-or-not-have-you-actually-prepared-for-it.3549/

 

Thanks for your efforts William. An excellent compilation of beginner tools that will, and i have no doubt has, helped 100s/1000s of people achieve their goals.

Peace

 

William

I just went through the whole thing even though two videos are not available anymore but i get the point. Even though i quit watching porn more than a year ago. Im still thinking of it and imaging porn like things during sex with my girl friend. Otherwsie i cant orgasm. So its still in my head. Ive treid for months now and its been really difficult for me. Ive improved and then relapsed.
Hoping that this forum would help me over come a decade of addiction.
Underdog

 

I realized all these fantasizing, edging and finally relapsing, especially when it wasn't very harmful to my life, when it seemed as if the strict nofap-mindset wasn't my authentic self, quickly crushed my determination and brought back the sex and porn-dedicated me without any self-control.

I got educated well about the issue. I gave it so much thought. Sometimes it feels like I would have read and said enough, the flame burns only small.
But then, years of feeding my brain with porn have made an impact. All those fiery words, all those impressions and emotions can be gone and in vain so easily.
Therefor I need to renew my education and my commitment again and again.

"Today I won't watch porn..." this mantra has worked every time for me.