Fuck, this is difficult and scary. I'm afraid It could be OCD

I understand what you're talking about. Yes, part of this is part of the healing process. I'll start by saying that I actually have diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder and am slightly OCD. However, I did have some increase to both during the early parts of my reboot.

Have you had OCD symptoms before? How about anxiety?

One thing that I've found helpful in dealing with such feelings is something similar to meditation: notice the feelings, if there's anything that can be done about them do it, otherwise let them pass, as you would thoughts during meditation. Which reminds me, do you meditate? That would be very helpful, too.

The lingering part is likely due to your anxiety over having the OCD feelings. The less you focus on the feelings, the less they will linger. Have you been acting on the OCD feelings?

I understand you're not able to get a diagnosis at this point and I'm not suggesting you need one. However, if the problem gets worse or lasts more than another month, I would encourage you to find a way to get one. At that point, you may actually have a mild anxiety disorder.

I felt like shit during part of my first reboot, too. It does pass, but in the meantime, it sucks.

 

The cap thing!! OMG, yes! That's a big one of mine, but I am slowly getting rid of it, too. It doesn't really sound like you have OCD if that's the only thing you've experienced. If there really are no other OCD "habits," I'd stop worrying about it. And also, step away from WebMD and online health diagnostic quizzes. Yes, they can *sometimes* be helpful, but in my experience, they can cause just as many worries and problems as they help. Just my two cents.

If things are improving stress and anxiety-wise, I'm more inclined to say it's all reboot related. Keep an eye on it, though. If it really is reboot-related, it should continue to get better and lessen until finally, it's gone. Like I said before, if it does linger, seek help. I don't know your circumstances (and you don't need to tell me), but if it lingers and/or worsens, please find a way (sliding scale clinic, etc.) to get help. Because if it really is an anxiety disorder (and from what you've said, I VERY much doubt it is at this point), waiting too long will make it worse and harder to treat.

For meditation, I think that will really help. First thing I tell people is "Forget the rules!" I may get flak for this, but the "rules" only get in the way. Some people are so rigidly fixed on "doing it right" that they never see the full benefits. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to meditate, there's only what works best for you.

That said, I'm happy to share what I do, if you think it would be helpful.

As always, please feel free to reach out to me, either here or via private message, if you need/want to talk. Going it alone with this stuff makes it twice as difficult. Let me know if you want my info on meditation and have a great day!