fellow fapstronauts, why do you feel so bad about being single?

i just tell myself you dont need anyone. you are ok.

 

Different culture i guess

Being mock and sometime bullies from your friends, coworker even your family members...like there is no safe place to go, its kinda of deppresing tho

I do appriciate if they kind of help or pray for me but nah asking why are u single every damn time is what thyre choosing

 

Oh and yeah @davido548 when i was 23 was thinking ok to be single for awhile, try 30 and u see the difference

 

I dont feel bad about being single

Last week a girlfriend of a friend of mine died and he is tottaly destroyed.... well as a single i dont need to worry about that ahahha

 

I don't convict being single but this is also important to know what does impede one from not having any partner.

 

i do agree with you for feminist, instagram, whats app

Thats why i did not look woman on social media,, i honestly call me old but i like when taking woman to a cafe or something and talked each other rather than chat at whatss app,,, social media is fake so do the messanging apps,,, talk each other will show how our communication skill is, how your life really is and are u a slave that holding your phone even in the bathroom. You know stuff like that

 

Social media isn't good in general - it's essentially similar to Tinder, having no real use in getting into a relationship (except for 0.000001% of people), except there actually isn't any socialisation going on most of the time. Most of the content is involved with pointless posts which only attracts egotistical people, specifically 'influencers' who are really nothing in the end in spite of their 'clout'.

Unless you're as attractive as a model, there's no point in bothering.

The reality is that most guys aren't considered 'attractive' anymore because social media has depicted the definition of attractive men to be vastly higher than before. Perfect face, sharp jaw, strong muscles, tattoos, taller than 6'0 (and even the 5'0 and below women will talk about this over and over) whereas our standards aren't as specific.

I think the reason why people think they need to be in a relationship is because of validation; that being with a woman shows that they're actually desirable. You see people all the time going from relationship to relationship, in spite of them not working out, simply because of this. Society has depicted men who are single as worse than men in relationships -- it's no exception for women, since there's a lot of pressure to BE in a relationship.

Relationships can be beautiful; yes, but most of them are not. The problem is that media depicts that there is always a happy ending, always relationships working out, especially in Christmas movies (which have the exact same plot and series of events, I swear). That's just not simply true. I've seen relationships fall apart, quietly or explosively, in the end.

Feminism was a lot better too. It used to be that feminism was the goal of women being equals to men as they should be. Equal opportunities and rights. But it's now devolved into "Men are pigs, monsters, how dare they believe we don't live in a patriarchy!" and denouncing men, which ironically was the exact same thing that women were treated to long ago. I know there are feminists who are genuinely looking for equality between men and women, praise to them, but feminism now has been symbolically tarnished.

The world may be far more peaceful now than it was centuries ago; but could you really say that most people are good, now? No. They're (sorry for swearing) absolute fuckwits. Obsessed over approval, obsessed over the newest thing, getting into relationships, all just to feel like they're validated and good enough. It's not right.

The better thing to do is focus on yourself. Train, meditate, annihilate the shit out of porn. You can't control what other people want but you can choose for yourself. It doesn't take away the loneliness in regards to a relationship, but learning to deal with being on your own and being okay helps. If an opportunity comes for a relationship and the time is right, provided both involved are mature enough and ready (financially, emotionally, and so on) for it, then go for it.

As for if I feel bad for being single? Well, yes, but I'm used to being single. I'm considered ugly as hell and I'm short too; not exactly going to have a relationship. I understand why it's that way, but it did hurt before the pandemic. I've mostly gotten over it now.

 

I think it's different if you have never been in a relationship to having been in one and are now single. If you have never been in one you lack 'evidence' that you are desirable which can be difficult to deal with. Human connections are a very complicated thing which I don't understand. I have lived alone for my whole adult life although have been in a few relationships. When I was with another person I missed being single and not having 'pressure' from another person. I am single now and I struggle with the thought of being alone sometimes and at times feel it would be nice to have someone. The deep and complicated workings of the mind conjure up desires to try to make you connect with others. I guess the best approach is to aim for a relationship with a person you truly want to be with but you must not rely on them to keep you afloat. After all, that person may not be around forever. You need to aim for a solid foundation in yourself, who can exist alone and with other people.

 

Societal expectations around being in a relationship tend to cause me to feel bad about my singlehood. Whether it's family or friends asking about your dating life, those situations lead me to feel some sense of incompleteness about my current life. There's also FOMO when you observe your surroundings and feel like you miss out on important experiences of connecting intimately with someone. I'm okay so far being single because I need to focus on personal growth. However, it would be helpful to have someone close by to encourage improvement like the person above stated.

 

Im confused if he is your friend why would you laugh about that??

 

For me its okay.. Being alone can strengthen character forsure.. But there are things like seeing other couples laugh and enjoying eachothers company that is enviable also when its nice to have another person sleeping next to you on some nights.. Most nights i think we can all agree we like our own space and room on the bed unless we don't get the proper sleep we enjoy or at least thats how it is for me. Lol..

 

It's not like I feel that bad about it, it's just that I feel I can't live too long single. I thought at first that I can easily be a loner and just live like that for years, but I really want to be a father, a husband - someone to love and someone who is loved back.
I just want to wake up next to someone I can love as much as myself. Someone who can help me and whom I can help.

 

I think part of our loneliness is fueled by how Porn has effected us. We (or at least I do) see our singleness as kind of a derivative of my previous PMO behavior. I know I tend to feel like if I had never gotten into an addiction with porn I would probably be with someone. And that’s what can hurt, knowing I screwed that up for myself. My bad for rambling.

 

Im not laughting about what happened to him neither laughting at him ..... im just saying i dont have that problem

 

Ah.. Forsure.. Thanks for making that clear.. Seeing the "ahahha" in your reply kinda threw me off.. But i get what your saying..

 

I feel if i had someone with whom i can share my darkest secrets, my life would have been a lot better.
People value the things most that they don't have.
I see many people saying being alone is not a problem.
But how about being alone for more than 2.5 years?
I can tell my story. I always used to be a bright student during my school and college days. My family saw me as some prodigy. I am the youngest one in my house so i am always left out on many matters. Its not that my family is toxic but since they had high expectations of me, so i could never gather courage to tell them about my mental issues.
We humans are social beings and we need someone to talk to.
I could not share everything with my family, I had no friends( i left them coz they used to bully me out of jealousy in my school and they started bitching about me behind my back to the people I never met in my entire life). I was 18 when i left my toxic group of friends. I thought being a lonewolf was something to be proud of. My college life was fucked up right from the start. I could get good grades but had no social circle.
It was my gf that was my only hope. I used to tell her how shitty my day went and listen to her stories.
And then oneday she left. She knew how messed up my life was but still she didn't care. Out of loneliness i got into PMO as i thought it was filling the void. But things got worse.
I survived 2.5+ years alone, i dealt with my insecurities alone, i am dealing with my OCD alone, and social anxiety alone.
I know how it sucks to be alone.
I can proudly say I am a lone wolf. I fought all these years and never gave up despite all the suicidal thoughts that crossed my mind.
But.
But if i had someone, someone that told me that they were there for me, my life would have been a lot better. I would have been a lot better person than the walking mess I am.
I still don't have anyone trustworthy, and being a 21year old Virgin sucks.
So i challenge anyone who says that being alone is good.
People who have been alone for a long time develop fear of loneliness.

 

I’ve been divorced-and mostly single-for almost five years, and I can definitely say that being in a toxic relationship, with the wrong person, is a thousand times worse than being single could ever be.

Like, a part of me desires to have the right woman at some point, but it’s not really something I put much effort into finding, especially now with the pandemic. Thinking about that marriage leaves a bad enough taste in my mouth, that I really find comfort in knowing I’ll never have to wake up to something like that ever again.

i enjoy life today.