Dwindling kindling

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Vixen, Oct 25, 2018.

  1. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

    152
    283
    63
    My spark used to be a wildfire but now it’s barely visible. Having a hard time breathing. That which I would inhale, the breath of life, that which used to invigorate my life, my fire... is now a subzero frigid wind that threatens to snuff out what little life remains.

    Little life.. my children. I love them but I am now utterly overwhelmed. This was already difficult before discovery. Now one of the twins can crawl. And fall.

    Kind of like my marriage. In the last month we had just begun to cut through the briars of shame and isolation and get to some real intimacy— or so I thought. Could just be a mirage.

    So we began to crawl. And it was nice. But then I saw the ground we stood on vanish like an apparition. Lies. This isn’t safe. Fall.

    Trying to process if my marriage is salvageable. If I can ever truly rely on anything authentic honest and intimate from him.

    My toddler clamors for attention. I desperately need silence and peace. I’m My twins constantly moan. It’s as if my inner angst is being broadcasted on surround sound to engulf my physical environment.

    Self care... fleeting aspirations. I want to stay in bed. I gave to care for everyone else. My spark is so small.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  2. Vixen

    Vixen Fapstronaut

    152
    283
    63
    Daughter tries to comfort me:

    “Daddy and I will keep you safe.”

    “Your bones will keep you safe. Do what you need to do.” She sings as she puts her hand on my hand.
     
  3. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    Holy crap.
    I have 3 year old twins. I could not even imagine dealing with this when they were in the phase yours are in. Having twins that are learning to walk/explore is like doing hard labor 24 hours a day, every day. I was always in a heightened state of anxiety; they'd take off in opposite directions, one trying to climb something & the other sticking some small chokable object in their mouth. I'm still shocked we've had no major injuries, considering their dad has been fapping away while I've been mommin' it solo.
    Wait until they start talking! I hope yours get along....I gave birth to become a full-time referee between mine :)

    I am seriously sending you any strength I can....you must be exhausted.
     
    HonestyMatters and Vixen like this.

Share This Page