Diagnose me please

I am a SO whose partner had the same issue. He had porn induced delayed ejaculation and death grip syndrome. He had no issues maintaining an erection but he could not O from anything other than his own hand. I figured out early on that this was not normal and asked him to stop all pmo he agreed but did not. The only way he could O during sex was by moing on me it was horrible. He would say he felt nothing during sex and only one spot on his penis touched a certain way felt good. He gripped his penis very tightly and moved rapidly. He also never used lube and if we had sex he would have to wipe any wetness off as he could not get enough friction. After I caught him lying he did actually stop and our sex life improved within about a month or so he was able to O from my hand and mouth and he had a distinct return of feeling and sensitivity. But he cannot use his hand at all including during sex with me. If he can't finish we stop once im satisfied and try again another day.
While I can't diagnose you here's what I recommend. Stop all porn use and masturbation for 90 days. Stopping MO for 10 days is not even close to what you need. Don't use your hand during sex. Your partner should be your only means of orgasm. Only touch yourself to urinate and clean. Do not edge (mo with no O) just keep your hands off entirely. It's going to be a lot of frustration for you but you need to do it. Tell your partner what you are doing so she can be onboard. It may take longer than 90 days but you should see some improvement.

As for oing during intercourse my partner still can't and it's beyond 90 days. DE is very hard to treat and if there are psychological issues underlying the DE such as anxiety, anger toward women etc it may never be fixed. In my case I suspect my partner has returned to MO and is lying to me about it and that's why our progress is halted so it may work better for you.

If you don't see improvement in 90 days of obstaining from both then see a doctor. But most cases of DE are psychological in nature and so no medication helps. ED drugs make things worse. If you can O solo with no problem then it's almost certainly not a physical issue.

To see if you have death grip you could ask your partner to grip your penis as tight as she can. If you can't feel it or if it's not stimulating you most likely do. But death grip can also mean you have trained yourself to O from one certain type of stimulation not necessarily that you are gripping too hard. When you continue to mo you are reinforcing that this is how you O. If you have the option to use your hand during sex or MO solo your body will always chose that method as it's easier and you know it works. You need to remove it as an option.

I know it's difficult to stop all MO and use of your hand but you have to or you have no chance of ever recovering and this condition will kill your relationships. One can't say for sure if you have death grip until you eliminate your hand for 90 days. Then if that does not work maybe it's another cause but I suspect it will. Good luck!

 

The reason you can't ejaculate inside a vagina but you can with your hand is because you grip your penis too tight. You've caused desensitisation. The vagina isn't tight enough to stimulate your penis but your death grip is. That is also the reason you get soft during sex, the vagina isn't stimulating you but then you pull out your mighty hand of Thor and reapply death grip to get you back in the game. Stop with the death grip and sensitivity will return.

You need to go longer. 10 day streak isn't enough to regain full sensitivity. Although in those 10 days you obviously experienced great results with your erections, keep going and you will be back to normal. I presume your delayed ejaculation is because of your death grip.

 

Are you totally honest with your gf about what youre going through? Maybe you could work something out with porn or while you are Oing to stick it in?

 

The fact that you can O quickly with porn and not her shows that porn is mostly likely an issue. You have desensitized your mind to normal sexual stimulation and by that I mean mentally. Your brain needs more dopamine to get there and normal sex can't get you there. Death grip physically and mentally effects your ability to O because overtime it can damage the penile skin and build up callouses meaning you lose sensitivity but it's also mental in the sense that you are used to Oing that way. DE is an arousal disorder. Many men describe a feeling of numbness and not feeling anything and presume its physical but it's not. Getting to the O level requires a certain level of arousal and you just can't get there because your threshold is so high from porn use that normal sex won't do it. You need to rewire your brain and I think by skyping and having contact with a real live female you are doing that. I'm not sure if the other poster is suggesting you watch porn during sex to O but that's a very bad idea. You have to get it out of your mind and trust me as a female when I tell you that it won't be a well received request.

 

This is not a good idea at all - you don't want to introduce/reintroduce someone who already has a problem to porn. This would only make things worse...

 

Try the no PMO thing for 90 days. I am unfamiliar with any kind of ED. Not Oing for 10 days should be long enough to O with a gf inside. He gets hard too. It seems like it's an anxiety thing. I am a psych nurse in a major metropolitan magnet status hospital and I have never seen a doctor recomend a 90 day no PMO to cure ED. It is usually a drug or something. But you dont have ED. It's like you are too much in your head. I wonder what are you thinking about? You could have performance anxiety? I have introduced women to their first orgasms and then it becomes very easy for them. It's my belief that your problem is that it's performance anxiety ie you are focused on finishing rather than enjoying it. Or she is not doing something that might work for you. Dont be afraid to tell her what you like... this does not sound like a PIED problem ie he gets an erection and can finish in her presence. Also he has not watched P for 60 days. If you are on this site just to learn how to O into a V well than that still remains my suggestion. Conpleting a 90 day no PM may help, but will you still be trying with her during this time and finishing with your hand if you can't finish? That would def be counter productive. Forget the P but try finishing with your hand but while Oing stick it in. Hope that helps...

 

Agree but this advice is commonly given. It was given to my partner and I who had PIDE by a medical doctor and a psychologist. It was that's what he's used to it will help him relax.

 

I get what you're saying, but that's like saying because I don't drink anymore I'm going to use ecstasy to relax. The way to get over any sexual dysfunction is work on cleaning up the problem. This is by PMOing and starting to train your brain that a V is much better than a hand. I had to kick the porn habit because I suffered from performance anxiety, but after a while I stopped watching porn and learned how to enjoy real sex and I was able to train my brain to be healthier, which ultimately worked on kicking my anxiety.

 

Unfortunately most doctors and psychologists do not ascribe to NoFap. I think part of it is lack of knowledge but another part is the belief that porn is healthy. It can be for some but for many it causes serious issues. Men like my partner go through doctor after doctor and pills but when they stop the pmo it works. I think anxiety certainly plays a part in DE for some people. If the 90 day NoFap does not work then I think he should explore other causes. Ten days is likely not long enough to see changes. That does not mean he won't but that he should not feel let down if he can't. Using his hand and then inserting I think is okay for the first few times but usually the goal is to have your orgasm tied solely to your partner and outside of your control. If a man with DE uses his own hand it reinforces old habits and usually makes him more prone to relapse from the chaser effect. If you are doing NoFap with DE then its best to take a total hands off approach.

 

You gave some good advice, but you may want to put a trigger warning/some form of spoiler alert for the rest of the post after what I quoted.

 

You and I are in total agreement. But just saying this advice is often incorrectly given.

 

Well that would only be odd if its your non dominant hand you can only finish with?