Depressed about cp charges

The police came to my home three weeks ago looking for child porn on my computer. Which they will find. They said they would be in contact in a month. I feel like my life is over. If I thought my death would be easier on my wife and daughter I would just end it now. I have been on porn for over thirty years. The Internet amped up my usage to twenty hours a week. I don't think I'm a bad person. I served in the Army. I haven't broken any other laws. I give blood and to charities. This has ruined my life and I don't think I can handle it.

 

Yes I was surprised. I used a torrent to down load some files. I didn't recognize the files the cop mentioned. The said an agent was able to download files that I was sharing. I don't share, post or e-mail any porn. I hate myself. I don't want to create another me. So uncertain of the future.

 

Thank you both for your support. I hope I do become a better person and that I weather this storm. I am currently writing my story and hopefully will get it published. It deals with trauma in my childhood. An alcoholic father. Addictions of my family that claimed the lives of both of my sisters, one brother, my niece and my father. My other brother is on his fourth marriage. For some reason I thought I had escaped my youth with no baggage.