Deep Funk when's the right time?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by PJT, Apr 13, 2019.

  1. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I'm 35 myself and honestly, I know i'm immature. Especially when it comes to relationships and girls in general. I can take a step back and talk to myself about everything and come to a lot of the same conclusions you are coming to. She won't go on a roadtrip with me though. She has a man. She's loyal. All of these reasons is why I like her...a lot. Loyalty plus immaturity. It sounds stupid but I like having people who I can just goof off with around me and people who stick by me. People who know me, know this about me. Even as we all grown older they can expect that when I am fully in my comfort zone to get at the very least get hit with a little bit of nostalgia..back to when we were kids. I got that every day from my coworker at one point.

    Now it's different. Man thank you for your reply and helping me sort all of this out.

    I think I need to just remove myself from here. But alas, do I do it first or does she? It's like the new battle. In my mind that's our new war. I get to turn my back to her or she me. It's like a power struggle. I'm salty about the other guy. That bothers me and its showing and it's making me look like a reject to her. Every time i open my mouth about that she's affirming what she did. She'll never tell me sorry, she'll never tell me that I was her friend througout all this. She'll say I made her believe that we weren't friends. No matter what I remind her of. I think like a lawyer with timelines or like a detective and I use that in my arguments/debates/rebuttals.

    Ultimately, I can't see me working out with anyone else. There will always be that 'what if' with her and it's stopping me (atleast right now) from moving on. That and I don't want to fully be depressed.

    My mother and my aunt keep showing me these girls whose parents want them to get married off or whatever. They won't stop calling me. My cousin got into this act too of trying to matchmake. i haven't even picked up the phone about this. They all pale in comparison. I can't even think about anyone else in any sense of sincerity.

    It's like i need to see her pregnant or married before I get over it; maybe even put in a last dig about her body will completely change now. Maybe I just liked the attention from her this whole time. It could be it. idk. The past 6 months or so I have day dreamed on an actual life with her like in a house etc. I'm getting into the territory of idolizing her and I don't want it to be that at all. I don't think it's attractive, it's not healthy, and it's wrong according to the scriptures. It's literally a sin.
     
  2. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    so I went out last night and my sole like real guy friend that I have left is leaving DC. Or atleast says he is. Someone mentioned I should listen to the universe. Now I feel like it's telling me to leave here. I don't want to though. My pride is telling me to stay, I haven't accomplished all that I want to accomplish. Why leave with unfinished business? Maybe the universe is throwing me a favor and removing an outside distraction so I can work on me?

    We went to my friends friend bday party. It turns out these guys are all club heads popping molly. In my weakened state of just two beers I took some too, it was nice to dance and just be in the moment a little, but i couldn't stop thinking about all this going on in my life; my coworkers hate me and are probably going to fire me, the girl I like probably pities me, this guy next to me (my friend) is hugging me telling me he loves me like 50 times, like dude I get it. I put him an uber and we parted ways. I went home too. Had a decent talk with the uber driver about women, I told him i was bummed out and he was saying how the woman's greatest gift he can give you is a son. I don't know if all this anxiety and self pity and loneliness is stemmed in this gift or not. In a way it makes sense. But tbh I just want to continue to grow and I know whom I want to grow with. But it takes two people, two minds and not just mine.

    If this were a boxing match I feel like I got floored about 5 times in the match, but i keep just barely getting up. There's no one throwing in the towel for me, and I'm not quitting I keep coming back for more. What's left? Finish out the match and move on? I can get brain damage if I keep going you know.
     
  3. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Thanks man, I apologize I didn't see you had replied again. Okay, let's evaluate your strategy. What do you actually want? Do you want to make her jealous? There's things you can do, and then there's things to do for you, to be better convert your pain to strength etc. If you want to wait her out, like a romeo, well, that's another strategy too; but I think you need to really define what you want.

    By the way, there are occasions where this happens between a man and woman who cannot even BE with the guy she likes because of culture, language, class, marriage to someone else, religion etc. The point is, that there can be forces here that you may not be considering.

    Are you ready to forsake all other women ?
    How long would want to wait for her? 1 month? 1 year?
    Would you look for her if you had a different job?
    Would you look for her if she had a different job?
    If you were to return to the US or switch countries again, would she want to go, would you want to bring her?

    I guess I'm trying to help you answer these questions, so you can separate the "crush" from something more permanent.
    Plus, I can't tell if this thing is quasi laziness/convenience on your part. At our age, we get lazy to "restart" so hanging on to what we think is low-lying fruit is definitely a challenge in itself. (women get the same thing too at times.).

    The best way to recalibrate the question is, if I were to present you with a hot girl that had the characteristics you are looking for, would you straight turn her down, or listen and see what she was about?
     
  4. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    so what do I actually want? Her. I want to be in her life, I want to see her and have fun with her like we were having prior to all the complications in December. I dont want to make her jealous, I don't want to hurt her at all. Every time i talk to her now I hurt her however. I have walked to different parks this week and just opened up a journal and wrote in it (handwriting). This morning I woke up and wrote a letter on my laptop. I'm not going to send the letter, I do't know what i'll do with them. I am thinking of writing one every day to her and if we do ever get together I'll start to send them. The point of these letters is to just remind myself of her and not be mad, remember the good times, so that they don't fade away.

    Will I wait her out? Yes.

    Am I ready to forsake all women? - when I am sober this seems like an easy yes. But not when I am not sober.
    How long would I wait for her? - a year if not more
    Would you look for her if I had a different job? - yes.
    Would you look for her if she had a different job? - yes.
    I'd take her anywhere she wants to go with me. If she doesn't want to see my face right now i'll take a job that pays less in order to salvage whatevers left.

    To answer your last question, i don't think I'd straight turn her down. I would hear the girl out. The likelihood however is super low. She was so unique and maybe it's my lack of dating life but that type of spark/energy/connection was just never there for me before. Hard for me to see it come around again.
     
  5. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Wow, you are really connected and committed then. I can see that. I appreciate the candor too, but what about what she wants? Are you willing to go away if she requested that? I am asking that because that might be your best play here. You can wait for her, away from her.

    You can't get her to miss you by hitting her up all the time. In most new relationships or flings, the first few months we get high on the chemistry of its something new. She can't miss the old right now, and you need to figure out what to do in the meanwhile.

    My story, i went on a trip to Managua a few years back. I met with my customer there, and the accountant was so humble, thin, beautiful dimples, petite, morena. Like just perfect cinderella kinda thing before the banquet. She was all sweaty b/c the office and heat there is very much like panama. well, I invited my customer and the auditor out for drinks and we took pics and it was very kosher. I got her number (somehow) and shared how she impacted me and how I wanted to connect with her. In my case, being married living far away is obviously very different, but the point was that since I was far she could miss me.

    she told me she wasn't planning on having a connection with me, and I gave her space. After several months, she really came after me strong. her words: "I realized if I lost you it was going to be my fault."

    And she was much more pliable than a year or so before.
    You are a hunter, they are fishermen.
     
  6. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I dont know what she wants. When we spoke on Monday she said as a reaction to something I said that I can't see this turning your way meaning turning out to what I want. But it was a reaction to what I said, I don't think it was her initial feeling...because initially she was trying to get friendly with me again.

    I would go away.

    I got a phone interview in an hour for a job. I started to apply and someone emailed me today. The money is less. I dont care. Regardless if the heart grows fonder or not, I want to do whatever is best for the both of us. If that's my decision to make then so be it. Although, she too is looking for new jobs and told me she wants out before me. She tried to place an importance on her getting out before me. Like why should that matter? For me it matters bc i can't stand to see her turn her back on me one last time. But for her..I never turned my back to her.
     
  7. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    It's amazing what cleaning up your space can do to your spirit. Idk what's going to happen with this girl. I'm happy she's still here and doesn't seem to be looking for new jobs . Accepting the timing of me voicing my feelings for her was not compatible with her own feelings for me and that there is a dark cloud within me . My demeabor so far has not been combative. Soon enough I need to get back to the gym, develop my hobbies and learn what i got to learn seek my why again. She opened my mind to things and possibilities. Regardless of us time to do those possibilities . It's time to live
     
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  8. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Yeah bro. You also need to know you focusing on you, makes you more desire able. Women like power too. Just like walking in a room with a beautiful girl makes you more impressive. It’s not fair but it’s real.
     
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  9. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Today I went to a job interview and the lady I think liked me. I'm probably over qualified for the job but as soon as I got back to work and I had a conversation with a boss I was reminded once again why a new situation would be good; despite my feelings for my other co worker.

    After I took that molly last week, the next day I was walking with my friend from getting food and I bit into this stupid blow pop I took from the bathroom in the club from the night before and my freaking tooth cracked. I thought the filling just popped but today at the dentist they told me I needed a crown. I say this because I was so upset last week I got the dentist appointment because I wanted to make sure I get the tooth filled before I up and quit and lose my dental insurance that I have with my current job. I thought it was the universe telling me that I was going to lose my job so cash in on the dental insurance. Now I am thinking it was not the universe telling me about losing my job, it was simply the universe telling me STOP doing drugs! Your tooth will crack! Tough lesson, had to learn the hard way. I might get a gold crown just bc.
     
  10. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Yeah man since stopping pmo I have been hitting the sugars and I got a dentist apt tomorrow.
     
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  11. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    @PJT so how's the life going? did you switch jobs? still in panama? what did the girl say when you moved on?
     
  12. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    @need4realchg life's life. No new job not in Panama and the girl is protecting her feelings I think or just have none anymore for me. I was talking to her now and we was talking about how I don't find dating apps to be useful. I told her that I can't find a good girl on there and that most people on there have problems that I don't want to deal with.

    Basically took a shot at her bc her current bf was found on an app. I can't let it go still. It's tough. But idk if she looked at it that way. End of the day I'm not enough into the dating game or experienced enough for dating apps to work for me. It's no knock on some people...some people are just in the game or knows the game...me no. That doesn't mean I'm socially inept. I still grew up a huge pothead so that crowd gets along with me also grew up a huge sports fan. But yeah women is hard for me to connect with. I'm getting comfortable in my own skin now so Im just me and be in the present. We talked for hours at work. It's healthy it's not healthy for my mental.

    was at a family wedding this weekend on charlototte it sucked. I mean it was nice just that I got a little emo the whole time can't stop thinking of this girl. It's messing me up but it's also giving me strength to be the best I can be. Just trying to turn these pains to gains.

    Hope you are doing well. I dont see the counter on my phone but keep up the progress man
     
  13. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Sounds like you have come to terms with the decision she made. Tough but mature. Good for you bro.

    If I lived in Panama I would definitely be “in the game” and help you out. I don’t have it on my schedule next month but I know how important it is.

    In Spanish we say “con un clavo se saca otro”... which means with one nail you remove another...

    Or as we say here , “don’t hate the playa hate the game”. lol.
     
  14. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, thank you for responding and being there to provide me some insight and guidance. I really do appreciate it.

    I need to find me a new girl...a girl would work I suppose.

    I think there is a little bit of confusion, I am not from Panama nor do I live and work there. I actually work in Washington DC. Just wanted to clear that up.

    And yeah about the game, I am hating the game a little. I was actuallly talking about that out to myself a little before. It's like I never really got into the game and I am chasing a girl whose getting back to the game. I think I conflated the two (trying to enter the game first time vs reacclimatizing to the game) to mean the same thing and I got myself worked up as a result. I got a plan but I haven't been so motivated to act out completely on it. I want to make this my best summer yet.
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  15. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Lol thanks for clearing that up ! Man I se your op and read it too quickly.

    Dc!!! Yeah , dude there’s lots of females in dc. But your game has to be pretty decent I’d say. Kinda interesting since each market has different expectations.

    I try to think of markets from a marketing perspective. I have family in dc too so I feel like I know it. But very competitive. I have some gorgeous and I mean gorgeous cousins. But usually with them you gotta take a number and wait. And they have friends.

    One of them looks like Alicia keys but shorter.

    Do you go out anywhere? Maybe like. Concerts or excercise groups ? I find that doing a routine will help you build confidence and provide some low lying fruits to meet and greet.
     
  16. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I haven't been going out too much lately but I do live on u st which is where all the bars are. Im trying to cool it with the drinking. It lead to pmo so I try to avoid making it a daily habit.

    I go to a boxing gym right now. It's way individual. I know mostly guys from there no females. I have this guitar but don't know how to play. I got to find activities that I can meet people at. I'll look into it.
     
  17. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Oh yeah. Brilliant. I will say this, I have immersed myself in different cultures and lately it’s the hip hop and Latino cultures. I have been mad that I don’t know how to dance super well, and I felt my inability to do so limited my prospecting net. I decided to join a dancing club (hip hop, dubstep, salsa) and you wouldn’t believe it was practically all girls. I am traveling too much still to take more classes but that’s one thing that I found I could do to improve my self esteem and challenge my negativism.

    Have you ever considered dancing?
     
  18. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I've thought about salsa or going to salsa meetups. But I'm shy when it comes to dancing. Maybe I will join. At this point I look at Spanish women and just think of my coworker.
     
  19. PJT

    PJT Fapstronaut

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    I messed up last night. I feel weak. Just weak minded. My pot dealer stopped by we smoked drank beers went to Hooters to watch a game I took an oxy. Like I'm just trying to empty out . I'm trying to hit rock bottom. There's no fight in me. Buying shit for no reason ..abusing drugs. I want out but I'm a glutton for this punishment. I need to see something other than this alley through the window in my office .
     
  20. Sharksvv

    Sharksvv Fapstronaut

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    To be honest you said you were “working on it” for 2 years, if you’re talking to a girl for 2 years and nothing materializes, not even 1 kiss than I hate to break it to you but the writing was on the wall that she only ever viewed you as a friend.
     

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