NoFap

Day 69 - Most Challenging Day Yet

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Strength And Light, Oct 26, 2016.

Page 3 of 3
  1. Aug 22, 2019 #41
    Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

    2,334
    9,036
    143
    That Eckhart Tolle quote is a good one. The quote of mine that you posted was written in October of 2016. Thankfully, I have not done any cybersex, watched any porn, or masturbated since that post.

    Btw, you are not a weak individual, there's no such thing. You are a regular individual, in a practice of being weak. Small technicality but big difference.
     
    Strength And Light, Aug 22, 2019
    Strength And Light, Aug 22, 2019
    #41
    Omeed likes this.
  2. Aug 22, 2019 #42
    Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

    2,334
    9,036
    143
    Yes, it still holds up. I think it's a wider concept that applies to more than just porn and porn-substitutes. Internet scrolling in general is a practice of engaging with anticipation. Anticipation of something, of anything.

    Maybe some shock or outrage will satiate (by making me feel powerful when I become angered instead of the powerlessness I feel now)? --> (scrolls the news)
    Maybe some titillation will satiate (by making me feel excited and desirable when I'm turned on instead of the boredom and loneliness that I feel now)? --> (scrolls Psub)
    Maybe I will find something to motivate me (so I don't have to practice discipline in motivating myself)? --> (scrolls photos or stories of people with better jobs, bodies, social positions, relationships, material gains, etc...)

    It's this practice of reaching for something to avoid ever feeling even the slightest discomfort. When we practice, practice, practice this, it becomes a habit we carry to other areas of our lives. We lose tolerance for any sort of discomfort. So after a bad day at work we watch a movie at home, but the movie might be boring, which would be intolerable, so we start looking for something to help us avoid feeling any possible boredom. Some chips, a glass of wine, our phones, etc... Looking looking looking. All just really a habitual practice of anticipating something better to come along than living in the moment we're in right now.

    I looked at a woman's butt in the grocery store last night. It was a nice butt. This is how it happened:

    I need oranges. Where are the oranges? Oh there they are. I'll get three. Ok, bananas. Geesh, they're kind of small. This bunch? Nah, too many - they'll go bad before we eat them all. This bunch? Sigh, I guess, but man they are really small. What else? Apples. Over there, by the well dressed woman. She looks very healthy, what's she buying for her diet? Raspberries, kiwi and grapes. Yes, she eats healthy. Are honeycrisp apples on sale? Nope. The pink lady apples look decent. Maybe six of them? One, two, three, four, oh wait eww - that one has a gross bruise, four, five......five is enough. Ok, pears. Where are you today pears? The healthy lady has a nice butt. Now she has asparagus and spinach. Definitely a healthy eater - good job. Dang it, the pears are tiny. Red pears? Nah, those are soft. Tiny pears it is. One, two, three, four, five. One red onion and I'm done. It's 5:05 so I need to hurry up to get to the day care on time....

    I still have a working definition of what constitutes a "nice butt". What used to be ogling is now just recognition. There is no longing that is triggered. I could type out a faux example of what my old internal dialog would have been but I think you could imagine. :rolleyes:
     
    Strength And Light, Aug 22, 2019
    Strength And Light, Aug 22, 2019
    #42
    clapas and Omeed like this.
  3. Aug 22, 2019 #43
    Omeed

    Omeed Fapstronaut

    428
    71
    28
    I just wanted to state this, whether it is a problem for you or not, this is a hacked up version of George Collins
    from the book Breaking The Cycle. This is not word for word it has some of my interpretation or variation to keep
    it concise within the struggle presented. This is the only book of Collins I follow. It is also about fifty percent about
    Eckhart Tolle's teachings such as The Power Of Now.


    For the next two months I tried out this technique when my eyes would wander towards a trigger. My addicts “radar” would automatically scan for women to objectify. Instead I would earnestly put my hand on my heart and tell myself that her body was none of my business. Gradually it sunk in that is really was none of my business. It allowed me to be more relaxed in public. Other then drifting into fantasies that I knew where never going to happen, I began to notice other things, such as store windows with merchandise on display. I was no longer just on the lookout/prowl for attractive women to sexualize. I felt calmer. It was also great to lose my “X-Ray” vision that allowed me to “see” woman nude. I had been using my Hand-On-Heart technique affirmation to work through this.

    Once when searching for protein powder I felt strongly compelled to look down and to the right. It was a huge, “Radar” pull, with my addict yelling, “Look down! Right now! Now!Now!” Instead I reached for my powder. Then I turned down the aisle to go to check out when I saw what my addict had been pleading me to see. A woman picking up a soup can from the bottom Shelf. It was what I would use to have called a, “Shot of a lifetime.” I did not stare down her blouse. I just stopped in my tracks and thought to myself, “It works!”

    This is actually a three part step called

    The Red Light Guy

    1. Notice behavior or changes instead of automatic
    mode.

    2. When realizing the behavior such as staring,
    or about to objectify put your hand on your heart.

    3. Think to your self an affirmation, “I'd like to
    shift this energy to some positive thought or
    behavior.
     
    Omeed, Aug 22, 2019
    Omeed, Aug 22, 2019
    #43
Page 3 of 3