Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Is there any hope, Dec 29, 2018.

  1. Is there any hope

    Is there any hope Fapstronaut

    Dont know if this is the right place to put this so sorry if it isn't. I just need to get something of my chest.

    So when my husband looks at porn (pictures of other naked women) it makes me want to post mine on a porn site. I sent him hundreds of photos because he told me it would help and he would stop. Yet that was a lie. I want to post them because I start thinking "if he isnt going to use them let some one else and make me feel better." I know its wrong and not to do it but man I am so sick of feeling like I am not as good as these women he looks at.
    TheBarbarian, Nugget9 and learning like this.
  2. HailCeasar

    HailCeasar Fapstronaut

    Breathe..don’t chase him down to are too good for that.

    Focus on becoming a better person.

    I bet you are an amazing beautiful person, don’t let anyone’s actions ever make you doubt that.
  3. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    You don't want to post your pictures, and you should try to delete any copies that exist. Inevitably somebody you know is going to see one of these pictures, and then other people will see, and eventually somebody you care about will see.

    I don't know about the marital issues you describe. Hopefully there is a solution to your husband's addiction.
    Is there any hope and HailCeasar like this.
  4. Is there any hope

    Is there any hope Fapstronaut

    None of themnshow my face but my tattoos are what would probably be a give aaway. I keep telling myself it isnt worth it but man it sucks to feel this way ..thank you so much for your wordss. I am trying to deal with things as it comes but that is a thought i have struggled with fighting often.
  5. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Another thought: imagine that your husband was able to marry his favorite porn star. His porn addiction would probably continue and his new porn star wife would soon feel unwanted just like you feel. You are not competing with porn stars; you are competing with your husband's addiction.

    Take myself as an example. I often times spend 8 hours straight staring like a zombie at random porn on my computer. I usually don't even have the patience to watch a 5 minute clip before I click to the next random clip. That's a completely different thing than marriage.

    Also another random thought: I have read that sex helps keep marriages stay healthy and that couples should force themselves to have sex even when they don't feel like it so their marriages stay healthy. Maybe if you guys can continue to have sex regularly and pretend the porn addiction is solved then it will help you both keep some hope and motivation in spite of the addiction? That is just a random thought, and I probably should not give advice on relationships when I have no personal experience of my own LOL
  6. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    I completely understand the "desire to feel desired" but I don't think you will get any satisfaction in the long run from posting your pics. It won't make him feel jealous, so it won't be good revenge. As for all the thousands of guys who would be fapping to photos of you - think how many of them have wives and girlfriends that will feel just as betrayed and inadequate as you feel now.

    It sounds like couplea therapy is in order. Good luck!
    Trappist likes this.
  7. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    I'm not even going to address some of the advice you've been given thus far.

    Your idea of posting your pictures on a porn site is, well, stupid. Don't! Don't ever send him any photos again either. Doing so was not helping him as he told you "...and he would stop..." That's bullshit. Unbeknownst to you, you were enabling his addiction. That's why I said, DON'T!

    Do you really believe publishing your pornographic images for someone else to jerk off to is going to make you feel better? It isn't! It is going to help you spiral right down the drain of addiction along with him. And trust me, if you aren't already, this addiction is the worst kind of hell to overcome. You DO NOT want to go there. So, it isn't going to make you feel better. It's going to place your naked body all over the internet for the world to see, and once it is there, like your tattoos, it is permanent. You can never get rid of it. No matter how much, no matter who, what, when, where, and how, you cannot remove the image because it will always reside somewhere even if it is sitting on an old hard drive in a decomissioned server sitting on a shelf in a storage closet. It will always haunt you and raise it's ugly head when you least expect it. Would you like to hear your grandchild say "Hey Grandma, was this you?" Laugh, it's happened! I assure you that the digital images that graced the internet throughout the 90s have a lot of grandchildren nowadays.

    So here is the deal. Address it head on. You need Boundaries & Consequences. If you want/need help with those, reach out to me and I'll help you. All I can do is offer them. It is up to you to take it and run with it. Those who have are seeing results in their relationships. Those who haven't? Well, we keep having to deal with it over and over and over again.

    Last, you need to know this. This isn't about you at all. These pixels he is reacting to? They're not real. They're fantasy. You're the real thing. There is no substitute for the real thing. Just remember, you need to understand that you are beautiful in body, mind, and spirit. Never let anyone lead you to believe any differently. His addiction isn't about you. It's all about him.
    Trappist and Is there any hope like this.
  8. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    BTW, this thread would be much better served in the Partner's Forum. Not telling you what to do, but if it were mine, I'd reach out to the Moderators and request that they move it there. Just my two cents.
    Is there any hope likes this.
  9. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    Another thing to consider is that sometimes people who know you will pass your pictures among themselves to humiliate you, or an ex-husband might post your pictures to hurt you. That's probably the more likely scenario as opposed to somebody recognizing you tattoo while browsing porn. Just remember Murphy's Law - anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
  10. TheBarbarian

    TheBarbarian Fapstronaut

    Don’t follow his example, going down that road will only cause you more trouble and heartache.

    And tell your husband if he does not stop looking at that garbage you will leave him.
    HailCeasar likes this.
  11. Is there any hope

    Is there any hope Fapstronaut


    When we lived together we had sex twice a day every day. I always would have sex with him even after catching him looking at porn and feeling totally destroyed I would make myself have sex with him
    learning likes this.
  12. Is there any hope

    Is there any hope Fapstronaut

    We currently arent living together because it got to the point i couldnt take him doing it 5 minutes before i was supposed to come home from work. And we were fighting hard about it. He wont go to couseling with me. I have begged and begged for it.

    Also is there anyone specifically i should reach out to to get this moved to the right thread?
  13. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut

    I have requested this for you.
  14. Is there any hope

    Is there any hope Fapstronaut

    Thank you!
  15. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    In the best case, that happened in the movie Titanic...but I would delete all pix like that. ALL.

    PA is so hard to deal with and
    it will take time to find your path.

    Value yourself first.
    Start a journal
    Read posts.

    Immediately do nothing
    until you have more clarity
    on your situation.

    Join the SOs group here.
  16. The Black Dog

    The Black Dog Fapstronaut

    I have been married for quite a while, so I didn’t go through the dating process while the internet was widely accessible - thank goodness. My wife had been with a couple of men before me; I really didn’t like thinking about the fact other people had seen her naked prior to me, but I was able to live with it because that is life.

    Think about the potential next knight in shining armor that may ride into town to sweep you off of you feet. Perhaps he will find you to be the girl he has always dreamed of, but the issue of you being all over the Internet is the deal killer for him. Like others have said, you can never unring that bell once it has been struck, or worse, pealed.

    Don’t post revealing pictures of yourself on the internet; never; ever.

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