Changing myself from Incel to more succesful Incel

I was always a loser and outcast, without doubt I will have hard time even now and I'm taking myself into my hands.

These days I'm studying a lot to get into IT field and do much better in life, so I will be daily studying and getting better, getting outside from my home into job market.

This reason I will start to rise up in the mornings do mediation for 10 minutes and slowly also start doing it in the evenings.

Also study for certifications in IT and grind very hard for better life, by doing at least 5 hours of sessions with 50 minutes of studying and 10 minutes of rest.


So my goal starting from tomorrow:

-Morning mediation 10 minutes
-Studies 50mins x5

 

Day 1:

So far I'm started my morning with washing my face with cold water, I've listened to orthodox music while also doing meditation,
so for now the meditation is done and then cooked my morning meal which consisted of eggs and sausages, bread.

Now I'm Preparing myself for my studies, I didn't listen to music besides meditation orthodox chants or politics today and I will avoid that to clear my mind fully.
_
After studies are done, I will update with my progress.

First edit:
So far I studied for for 4 sessions in total
50mins x4 studies
10 x 4 rest

I will have now second meal and have walk outside to have clearer mind.

final edit: I will go to sleep and tomorrow I will do 5 hours, as I didn't want to overdo with studies.

 

DAY 2:

I was doing the same stuff, meditation in the morning and then now prepared meal and then right away studies,
but I also did workout yesterday and today is rest day.

What was done:
10 minutes of meditation
5 hours of studying

edit: I was also feeling a lot of urges, but I defeated them

 

Day 3:

The day started a little bit late, but I got in the studying and I even took 1 hour walk, tomorrow planning to take morning walk too and then also getting anki for flash cards to study in free time, to refresh the mind on theory.

What was done:
10mins of meditation
1 hour of walking
5 hours of studying

Edit:
I took cold shower for like 10mins

 

Day 4:

Another day with the same schedule, though it's becoming much easier to do it all.

What was done:
10mins of meditation
1 hour of walking
5 hours of studying

 

Day 5:

This is where I was starting to get incel thoughts, as I thought that women don't respect me even when I walked
they didn't give me path and I had to go on the grass to pass them as they were going towards me.
It right away makes me feel angry, though in a sense I don't want to create drama and conflict over such a thing.
Also another thing I was thinking how my face and how I overall look soy, even when I know that I'm stronger than average person.

What was done:
10 mins of meditation
30 mins of walking in the morning
30 mins of walking in the night, my shoes were dirty but I felt pain by walking in the other shoes so I went home
5 hours of studying

 

Day 6:

It feels like hangover, even when I haven't used any alcohol.
I think I exhausted my energy fully into all, though today is also rest day!

 

Day 7:

Studied hard and also I felt tons of urges, I went in the morning also for a walk. it seems games/music and overall dopamine intake can affect your state of your mind and as I would usually fill my mind with music and also play games.
The more negative effects I feel when I hear again such a things and experience, it feels more like brain fog taking over, so taking away noise pollution and also overall eating smaller meals, walking tons is beneficial for growth mentally.

What I did today:
1 hour of morning walk
5 hours of studying
10 mins of morning meditation

I'm planning to go soon for evening walk.

edit:
Did evening walk total, took 1 hour.

 

I mean I kinda accepted it, I'm virgin in my late 20's and I never was able to create real life relationships with girls or create them interest in me.
Though I'm physically fit and though my face is nerdy, so all that I do is improve myself and also go away from all addictions.

Though it doesn't mean that I should put myself down, I can still create for myself great life and doesn't need to be surrounded around intimate fantasy or even opposite gender.

 

Day 8:

I realized that I was hacked and there was hacker in my system, though I have been in hacker communities and probably also because of stuff that I might have downloaded
I had to work on the system mainly instead of studying, so I didn't even walk today outside or did anything else, but I have been strong on NoFap and I didn't break streak.
I will continue with new force tomorrow studies.

I also set up virtual machine and now my operating system choice gonna be Debian based, I've finally also organized my passwords and changed them and put them in open source password manager that doesn't store the data in their servers.
After I finish my IT support studies, I will go straight into Cybersecurity defense stuff and study hard,

I should protect myself more, though I will keep improving and moving away from degradation and also everything that might poison my mind and just go for knowledge.

 

Day 9:

I studied less and also was mentally exhausted from the day before, but I'm getting back on the track from the mishap that affected me.
I didn't have really urges so much today, though my mind is consumed with thoughts of what happened and how to defend my security better.

What I did today:

10 mins of meditation
3 hours of studying

 

Day 10:

Keeping the streak, also I've felt a little bit tired and a bit down, but as I went for a walk and I did a little bit of exercise I felt much better, as I didn't go outside for almost 2 days and it would take me back to hikkimori ways, as walking is overall good for health, though tomorrow I want to return back to 5 hours of studying and I need to properly start revising stuff.

What I did today:

Walking 1 hour
Studying 3 hours
10 mins of meditation in the morning

 

Day 11:

It was was day full of surprises, I've finished part of my studies which is 3/5 and then I will go into Cybersecurity right away.
I feel that my thoughts are more vivid and I care even less about women and such thoughts, I think obtaining of all the porn really is changing the mind.

I think I think even less sexually towards women as objects, I could say more that I don't even care and my own success is more important.
I even was gifted an pizza, as I've been studying hard and the person wanted me reward and he sent me money and said that I could get on which is something new to me,
but it seems that the more I work and do things, the better outcomes there are as I don't anymore dedicate myself of having pervert thoughts and I just fill my mind with useful things
and even inspire other people from my friend group to pick up studies, which is already impressive by itself that I could do something like that.

Sadly I didn't go outside, as there was tons of rain.

What I did today:
5 hours of study
10 minutes of meditation

 

Day 12:

It was overall stressful week, I took rest day and I bought pizza and I would usually never eat out, but it was also a gift and it was first time when I did and I ate at restaurant alone and I wouldn't be able to afford if I had to do it myself.
I took holiday today though I had an walk and I did the things around home.
I could say social wise, it's a win!
I will tomorrow study and then also after that do some studying and I might then go for longer walk outside.

 

Day 13:

I've been keeping the streak and studying hard, there was storm outside so I didn't go out and sadly there is terrible weather and also I've studied and doing my best.

What I did:

5 hours of studying
10 mins meditation

 

Day 14:

What I have noticed that using phone in the morning is terrible thing as you will most likely end up scrolling trough stuff and wasting time, the best thing is to wake up and ignore phone and prepare for the day and then right away study and the weather was still terrible, I even noticed firemen and also one tree has fallen too outside near the home.

What I did:

5 hours of studying
10mins of meditation

 

Day 15:
I felt quite terrible of not walking as much as usual and I went walking tons, I couldn't really study and I mostly did walks.
I think because of bad weather and all the time rain, I avoided going outside.
Though I went for a long walk with a friend and we discussed tons of stuff.

What I did:

6 hours of walking
10 mins of meditation