Can't take husbands 16+ year porn addiction

I'm sorry you're going through all this. It is so hard and painful. There is a lot of support for you here on this site, and for your husband if he joins. It is a good place to start, that and yourbrainonporn.com. Firstly know that you can not make him stop, he has to choose to stop. You can help, but he has to make that choice. This has been an ongoing struggle for 15 years of my relationship with my bf, he has only recently been honest with me and given up p and m. So many times in the past he said he'd stop and keep doing it. Things are different now and changing, but it brings a whole new set of struggles and pain. But at least he is working on the honestly and keeping p out of our lives. But so much damage has already been done and I know that the scars are permanent. But if he wasn't working so hard to make things right there is no way I could have stayed any longer. What you need to ask yourself is if nothing changes is that something you can live with? Can you deal with slip ups and relapses as long as he is putting in the work to change and beat this PA? It isn't easy, but you need to know your boundaries and keep yourself safe. I would also push him to get into therapy and join a SA group.

 

I am so sorry this is horrible to hear! You were so young when you married it’s likely this is the only relationship you’ve known and it’s likely always been unhealthy. You are beautiful I don’t know you but I know you are. I was in your situation and I know how that can feel. No matter how pretty you are it will not stop his pmo addiction it has nothing to do with you. One addict on here told me the best thing when I joined and this advice sticks with me always. If the most beautiful woman walked off the screen and into his life he would still pmo! No person can compete with the variety that porn provides. But as women we are socialized to think our worth comes from our beauty and that’s very sad. Replace pmo with alcohol. Would you blame your looks or age if he were an alcoholic? Or a drug addict? Unlikely so there is no reason to do it now.

There are couples on this forum who have saved their marriages longer than yours so it can be done and I know those people will reach out to support you. But your husband has to want recovery too and it sounds like he’s currently in denial. Even couples where the addict is fully on board struggle a lot . And you can’t force him. You can encourage him you can and should set boundaries and give consequences, you can and should take care of yourself and your kids and put that first and you can and should leave it it’s too much for you.

It’s hard to say if your husband’s interest in underage girls is something he always carried with him or something he developed as part of his addiction . Many addicts turn to more and more extreme genres to that do not reflect their actual preferences. It’s about increasingly needing higher stimulus to get that high. It’s how drug users start off with only needing one hit them needing 25 to get the same feeling. He could also have always had this deviance and got married thinking it would change. To me it’s odd as a newlywed to only have sex once every two weeks. Not to be too forward but are the girls he looks at developed? If not imo that’s more of a problem than if the girls he looks at are just young it’s less likely he’s a pedophile . I don’t think that matters with reference to how you feel but in terms of levels of concern if he is one you have children to really worry about and crimes. Just possessing it in the us is a crime. Protect yourself. Get counseling and ask for and accept th support you need. Hugs.