Being single for almost 11 years isn't good

Having a job is key. It doesn't matter what you do as long as you have some money to spend on your date.
Good luck

 

If you live with toxic family members, even if it’s your parents, time to get away from them. At 18 as a male, you’re a grown Man, time to make your way in the world and support and provide for yourself.

 

That’s a huge Milestone indeed. I didn’t feel human until I actually got laid for the first time. I think I was 20 or barely 21 at the time and some chic was scoping me out inside the drugstore. Finally I felt human and not like Quasimodo, lol.

 

No offense, guys, but the main reason you are attaching to women like this is because
you are young. You haven't pulled back the curtain to see that the mighty wizard
is just a midget.

So my kind suggestion for your consideration is before you get yourself tied down
and imprisoned to the whims of somebody you may come to hate,
try living your life, rebooting and being good at being "you" for a long while.

What I am trying to say is to discern between who YOU are and what you
think you want.

 

It sounds like you don't feel loved if you don't have the attention of a woman. I totally get that. We were made to love and be loved. It is in our DNA. We need to see and be seen. I felt exactly the same when I was scrolling through FB the other day, seeing pics of married couples, couples having kids, all people I knew from over 10 yrs ago when they were single. And here I am, seemingly at a standstill. It got me bitter.

However, I cannot help but think that, if we define our worth or value by whether or not we can get attention from the opposite sex/get laid, we will always be under the control of others. If my worth comes from whether I am single or not, then my worth is dependent on another person's choice to be with me or not.
I think this is a very shaky foundation. Don't get me wrong, again, it is a blessing to be in an intimate relationship (so I hear).
But to let that define your worth and value is not right. You are more than that.
This low self esteem is what gets us hooked into porn in the first place. And even if we progress into real relationships, if our self esteem is put into those, what happens when they fall flat? This is why guys implode all the time when they break-up or get dumped. Because they let the relationship/woman define who they are. Arguably, yes, having a real relationship is levels better than porn. But at a higher level, You are not defined by porn OR real relationships. Those are secondary.
Remember, you are more than that. Have some self respect. You were uniquely created to bring goodness, beauty, and passion to the human race.

I think we are at a point in society where so many men feels worthless bc we have put our worth in how women see us.
This is important, of course. To have a loving relationship. But it is not primary. And it puts all the control into the hands of another person.
We have dumbed down what it means to be a man. To get laid and score girls.
What happened to integrity? Honesty? Courage? Self discipline? Virtue?
Maybe we gave up on those because we don't really believe we can attain them. We thought 'those are too hard', so we settle for the 'just get laid' mindset. But deep down I think as men we know are made for more than this.

Sure, some might say it's a win, graduating from porn to hooking up with girls in real life. But when your worth is in that, it still doesn't recognize what you were truly made for.

All the best bro

 

Amateur, try being single for 27 years.

 

I agree with your sentiments bro, but where I differ is that the reality of men never experiencing so much as a kiss from a female is so damaging emotionally at least as a typical young man.

 

i got youth traumas. grew up pretty isolated with games, cannabis and porn.
I liked it alot. Than later my friend bought houses and got married. I realised i havent build up anything.
Now i am realistic about my self image and that aint very good..
Gonna go for semen retention now and at least replace sex lust pleasure into the search for finding a connection chemistry so my soulmate women. i am getting 39 in May, and i tell myself its not to late to change my life. I will quit porn. And i will find a women thats like me for who i am.

 

yeah keep telling yourself that.... thats conditioning yourself if you say that every day..
the day you will tell yourself you are worthy, change your daily patterns. And build up your life. Put in effort.
eat 3 fruits everyday at least. work out a little, even if its just a little! tell yourself in the mirror that during your porn reboot, you are going to form the man you want to be, you will be you, and you will be good enough.
Just stop spraying your dna between the matras man. And quit the lone wolf nonnsense.. Talk to people. if you wanna be somebody you gotta keep talking. to everyone. If you talk about any crap , but you make people happy, people will like you jsut for that. Get social skills! start by talking about the weather.

 

Compared to the most prolific, robust, chill, pahsitive streamer of all time? Nobody is.

 

I wish I could do this but I feel of it isn’t genuine it won’t be meaningful me as others said I always thought getting away from PMO to be a first before actually seeking this type of relationship last thing you want it is to hurt a future gf by telling her you watch P. Doing this will only make her feel unloved and inferior

 

i must say i ment it in a good way. I always wanted to come over really though. very cool. And it still hurts to say i need attention. I want to be loved. Telling you this makes me feel pathetic. Thats why i wanted to say that stuff about the Lone Wolf. I alwasy considered myself that way. Me the lone wold. where i was always a lonely wolf. But i always hit around me. i do have a strong backbone. Just opening up to kindness and deeds of love hurt me from the inside out. i always shoved away love. good luck man!!!

If you feel insulted, that was truly not my intention! Namaste!

 

I totally understand you, I can`t connect with a woman no matter how hard I try.
Partially I think it`s because I had my heart torn in half, and burnt to ashes.

To be honest with you even though I`ve had sex with a lady when I was 19.
It`s been 22 years since I`ve done it again.

I know pornography is a sin that feeds my inner demons, but the deeper issue is that I`ve been hurt badly.
I always believed that I would find my ``Rebeca`` and marry, but as it turns out.

There`re many factors that go into a relationship, unfortunately for a huge part of my life.
I gave all my money to evangelical leaders, and now I`m paying of a huge family debt.

I feel unsecure, and ashamed around women I also haven`t matured intellectually very well.
I have low IQ.

 

I respect your apparent motive, but I totally disagree.
Religious people always pitch the ``higher-ideals mantra`` as if there is some secret to life or greater goal to be attained.

King Solomon, said partially this comes from ``envy of others`` one wants to be a ``Apostle`` the other wants to be ``Bill Gates``.

The truth is the Book of Ecclesiastes explores all this and states that these elusive desires are like chasing the wind; ``meaningless`` or like - smoke.

They seem beautiful, and intriguing, but are worthless..
It`s perfectly natural to be emotionally dependent of the woman you love.

And, there is no greater goal than ``To eat, drink, and enjoy the fruits of your labor with the woman you love`` wrote Solomon.

Perhaps if more people subscribed to his advice we wouldn`t have a so much greed, and broken-hearts in the world.

 

Of course, all the things you stated are blessings and good things to enjoy. I am just wary of a man putting his full worth in another, imperfect person.

Ecclesiastes does speak of vanity in this life. You are right. But you also forget his conclusion:

Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment,
including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.

Much of what we value is meaningless. But that does not mean ALL is meaningless.
Our deeds will be 'brought into judgement'.