Being single for almost 11 years isn't good

Why? Why would you be single for 11-years if you want to be with someone?

Once I got over the awkwardness of being in high school (45-years-ago) and learned a bit about how to be more comfortable with myself I was always pursuing women for the reason of not wanting to be single. There were a few dry spells, but none lasted for more than a year and I was dating during those times trying to find a girlfriend to call mine.

Can you elaborate on why you are struggling with this problem?

 

I hate to be hard on you, but you are overthinking this. Go out. If you see yourself as a loser and failure, people will pick up on it. Women may feel some pity for you, but that is not what you are looking for. Be around people, including women. To start, have no agenda other than to start conversations. Don't expect anything from anyone in return. Give genuine compliments when appropriate and just chat with people about anything. Your confidence will grow, and you won't see yourself as a loser. At some point, probably sooner than you think, you'll click with a woman and ask her out. Don't put pressure on yourself. Expecting to get a gf tomorrow when you are feeling this way is only going to lead to disappointment.

Edit: Dance classes are an awesome way to meet women, btw. There is always a shortage of men, and you get to build your confidence while learning another skill/talent that women love. win/win

 

Sorry, but you have cursed yourself. As therapists will tell you, don't let anyone rent space in your head (your ex.) Maybe you should see a therapist/consoler and discuss your feelings of depression and why you feel like you are a loser.

The one trait a woman wants from a man is confidence. Build up your confidence and more women will find you attractive.

Good luck, and seek professional help if you are able. They can progress things along much faster than doing it alone.

 

Therapy is a good thing if you are in a position to do it. Helped me tons.

 

I have similar feelings. There's nothing more I want than a girl to call my own. But I think as the other replies said, we need to develop self confidence and a healthy self esteem first. Once we learn to love ourselves, these things will probably come really naturally!

Good luck to you friend. Be strong and be there for yourself.

 

What worked for me in times of self-doubt was to "Fake it until you make it." In other words I approached women like I was the most awesome guy in the room, even if I felt ugly and lacked self confidence. What I learned was that if you keep a nice smile on your face and complement the woman, hopefully make her laugh a bit, you ARE the most awesome guy in the room.

Good luck

 

I agree with this, with one caveat. If one is not truly trying to change and remove porn from their life, this will lead to failure and further disappointment. I mean really pushing themselves and truly effecting some change, not someone that is still relapsing every day and then feeling bad about it. That person is still in denial about what is happening, at least at some level. The shame and disconnect between our current real self and what we think other people see will come back to haunt us and ruin things. If one is making true progress and trying to go out and get a social life and a girlfriend this IS the way to do it. It takes guts and will build confidence. It can snowball in a positive way. If one is using porn a lot and trying to fake it, he is going to feel like a fake until there is at least a little self control and positive change.

 

I also agree with what you say. Essentially when we are PMO addicts or any type of addict we are bringing baggage into a relationship. The best relationship that you can bring to someone is one where you are your best-self.

Good luck, don't watch porn, and enjoy the pursuit of a girlfriend. I often found the chase the most fun about dating. It's exciting, challenging, and should be an exercise in growth.

 

helpful thread this is, i can relate to this tho not this long, i actually got a romantic interest some couple of months back, but i wasn't into her, she really liked me, i just didn't find attraction, now that i look back at it, it could be my porn fucked brain looking for the unrealistic standards of P, would you guys advice me to just get into a relationship with any girl that shows interest in me even tho i don't feel psychically attracted to the her, am physically fit, i work out regularly, and i can talk to girls if the opportunity presents itself, just basic conversations, like questions ,compliments, once it starts getting deep tho i lose my shit and ramble

 

I also had the same experience. I tried to replace porn with a relationship and it was very difficult for myself as I was dealing with a lot of negative emotions. Even though the young woman was crazy about me, I did not feel worthy of the love and ending up ruining the relationship. Decided from that point that I would get my act together and be stable before I tried again.

 

Hey man, I totally understand where you are. After my divorce, I went through a very
rough time with loneliness.

But despite the other good suggestions the other guys here say, I must run opposite of the pack.

My feeling is that if you feel lonely, you have a self-esteem problem, so if you go
out and approach like that, it's not going to get you very far.

The best thing to do is to rebuild the self-esteem first, through working and fitness.

You need to spend a year or two, and go out, and kick butt in life.

Then you'll come out with a new confidence in yourself that is real and natural, not an act.

That's what confidence signals to women, that you are a winner. You have to win in
order to be a winner.

And it's hard and it will suck, and you will feel like crap, and get very frustrated at the
process.

But it's the right way to do it. If you build a house, make it with brick, stone and concrete,
not with sticks and mud.

Then one day you'll be on the other side of some good accomplishments and the
depression and loneliness will be gone, because you built that inner sense of value.

 

I also have had the same experience. Focused on bettering myself, making some money, and working out. Women notice when a guy has his act together. Sure does make dating easier.

I will also mention @ArtOfOld , that I find more women attractive now that I am porn free. It's not that I lowered my standards, I just see the beauty in people and can appreciate a woman for more than just her body.

 

Exactly what am being cautious about, i wouldn't want to rush into something that'll later regret, relationships aren't something to take lightly, i believe it's the P tho, referencing what @newman_unleashed said, i know it'll get better, during my last streak of about a month and a half, every woman looked attractive even boys looked attractive, i believe it's the fucked up dopamine receptors, because if we look back at our ancestors, a woman was just a woman, all that mattered was spreading your genes, as long as the woman is healthy, i'll see what happens once i get a reasonable streak going

 

I'm a 24 year old with a useless degree and no career. Until I'm back in school, or actually get a job and have basic independence, I'm not going to date. I fooled around with a bimbo when I was 21, "made out" and all that, because I was sick of people making fun of me. I'm not even fat or ugly. I'm years, and YEARS, behind everyone I know, socially. I wouldn't even know where to start.