Asked my wife what I can do...

Yea maybe, its more of how i acted toward her becuz of my pmo brain more than the pmo itself.
She used to say that i used to not be so needy emotionally and i was more laid back.
This was before i told her about the fact that I had been using mainly M but some P as well to calm my feelings.
I guess my personal battle to dump PMO made my mood swings strange to someone who wasn’t in on it

You sure are whiny and depressed (annoyed)
You have been quitting WHAT! (Angry)
THAT’S why you have been acting sexually toward me the way you have (realization, more anger)
NO I’m not impressed with your progress! I didn’t think you had this problem to begin with!
I can’t believe you!
No I don’t want to talk about it.
Don’t tell me these things.
Ignorance is bliss. Deal with it on your own.

Definitely makes my douchebaggery clear.
It makes more sense when i run through it from this point of view.

I think all the advice about giving it time is probably the best.
I really have some stuff to make up for!
Nice to have a place to hash it out though, so thanks guys.

 

I kind of wish I didn't care so much. I come on here and get a little jealous of how the PAs on here are serious about recovery and working on it and want to be better for their wives.

 

No one knows the answer to this, but if you are a better man for YOU, it will make you feel better, and it certainly invites the opportunity for her to come around.

Ever hear of Kintsugi pottery? Barbara Bloom says, "
“When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.”

It really can be a lovely metaphor for relationship recovery. It takes time and great effort to make the repair, especially depending on the extent of damage.

This is a good article about repairing relationships and the Kintsugi metaphor:
http://www.thecenter4relationships.com/repair-no-matter-what/

I'm sorry about that. Trauma is a beast. Both my husband & I have trauma from childhood, and here we are, in our 50s, now fully seeing it and the affects of it. I have a great deal of trauma from the past two years, too. If you have some unresolved trauma, it certainly can help to address it and try to heal.