Asked a co-worker for undie pics

It sounds to me that she knew you are into her and tried to use you to make her cover her shift. I think she is at fault too but she will probably never admit it.
I know a few guys that have been used as lap dogs by women that just wanted to be friends. I knew one of the women and she admitted that if she needed a favor she would always ask her guy friend that is really into her (I know the guy). She said it was nice having options and rather than cutting off contact and letting the guy get on with his life, she would bait and hook him. To me it just seems cruel when some women do this. Not saying all women do this but those that do are probably lacking self-esteem issues and enjoy the extra attention even though they don't feel the same.

I may be a bit cynical because my now ex-wife really abused my generousness when I was trying to win her back after I found about her affair. Looking back I am disgusted at how pathetic I was caving to weekend luxury cruises and gifts after she cheated on me. She really manipulated the situation to her benefit and although that pathetic phase was over fast I had spent over 15k in about a month.

I recommend finding another job or cutting whatever relationship is left between you two. Safe yourself the pain and move on.

 

She's giving you mixed signals. Those are absolute torture. I once knew this one woman who I would tease, and she would tell me off, then a week or two later she was teasing me in the same way she told me not to tease her.

I wish you luck with those interviews! A new job will help you escape that unhealthy work relationship.

 

I guess the real question is: what would you have honestly done if you received the pictures you curiously asked for? You're committed to a PMO challenge. Would you have given up those 35+ days? Based on what you've shared, it seems like you enjoy flirting with this girl. Otherwise, you would have put your foot down on Day 1 by telling her to stop doing what she's doing — end of discussion. Your addiction is probably causing you to entertain the idea that one day there might be an opportunity (i.e., the night in discussion).

But than you ask for/expect an apology? Seems a bit off to me. I'm in no way shape or form saying that her antics were right — she was clearly drunk and trying to use her leverage over you in the heat of the moment. But how many times did you honestly and vigilantly tell her: NO, I AM NOT COVERING YOUR SHIFT (period) (i.e., be a man/alpha about it)? She has NO CONTROL over you, unless you in that moment or in the past have forfeited or given her control. She's not at fault because its completely up to you be firm on your objective — that should not be debated. As an addict we are going to be tempted — after all, we are members of society — we are not marooned on our own little addict island away from temptation. Succumbing to triggers is our fault and only our fault. Irregardless of how seductive you perceived this girl to be, it's your responsibility to stay the course. As a result, I'm less concerned about your picture-request (you called it disgusting, I call it a symptom of addiction) and more concerned about your contradicting actions.

P.S. I hope my response did not come off as combative. It's been a long day and I feel as though my grace has been worn to the bone.

 

Like I said, I hope my response didn't come off as combative. Rest assured, you are doing great, Brother. Let me repeat that: You are doing great, Brother. Life gave you a test. Some would say you hit a bump with the whole picture-request thing. But did you PMO? According to you, no. In my eyes that is victory. It may not feel like you won in that situation, but you did.

In addition, I'd like to add one more thing I didn't mention during my original response: you said you're looking for a new job because you dislike the current one and because of this little mishap. I recommend that you take some time before making this leap, that is, if your decision is completely based on this "embarrassing" situation. As addicts, we are prone to running and jumping from thing to thing because that is how we cope. Our natural instinct is to FLIGHT not FIGHT during a hard situation. I'm not asking you to fight people, but at some point running is going to cause more harm than good. I'm asking you to fight for your objective. If that means staying where you are until the dust settles, so be it. You are an addict and the world is not always going to accept or understand what you are going through. Be the man you want to be and stay the course. Fight for your new life. Good luck, my friend.

 

Give people an inch and next time they take a mile. Don't get into the habit of letting people take advantage of you.

I don't mind doing a favour for a co-worker (switching a shift), but if they refuse to return the favour in the future, I'll never help them out again.

I would stay at that job. Don't back down and let her win and take a pay cut. Use this as an exercise in changing your life for the better. In not giving women absolute power over you in various forms (favours, porn, etc.). Seriously man, stand your ground and don't let other people decide your actions. You decide. You have the power.

 

I get that this girl has been giving you mixed signals.... but OMG asking her for "undie pics" was a bad decision!! That is a fire-able offense! That is sexual harassment! No matter that she is giving you mixed signals, you slipped up!! Especially if you texted/emailed that to her! I say this not to make you feel bad or guilty or afraid of what will happen, but you have to be more disciplined than this! I also say this as someone who has made mistakes with women at work in the past. Hope that this doesn't lead to consequences with work/career, and by God, don't do anything to make it worse! Learn from it! Good luck! And good job on your 38 day streak!

 

Hmm, i think she is not to blame. She was (probably) drunk and wanted you to cover your shift. You asked for those pictures, she did not.
If you really didn't want to take over that shift, you could have said 'no' resolutely. Instead, you asked for those photos. You cave in because you saw an opening to fulfill your need for erotic material, not because she was pushing you. If, for example, a guy asks you to show your dick, would you cave in after he asked you 30 times? Probable you would get mad after 3 times asking
Dont blame it on someone else but only you. The same is with drug and alcohol addiction. Even is someone puts narcotics in front of you, you are taking it. It's not nice that someone puts it in your face, but you take it. I'm a former hardcore user and i have learned that the only one to blame is you cave in, is yourself. Take responsibility for your own actions. The other thing i learned is that you need to relapse a lot before you get it..
And if you are really seeking for another job so you can avoid seeing her, porn addiction is not your only problem. That is called fleeing. Be a man, give her your sincere apologie and dont flee. I can honestly say, based on my own experience, once you start fleeing, you end up fleeing all the time. Once you stop fleeing and start to take responsibility you most likely wont get youself in this kind of situations and if so, you wont need to flee.
I hope you won't read my mail as if i'm offensive because that's absolutely not what i want.

 

I agree, I think it is good to give yourself options, just in case, so yes good luck with your interviews But don't rationalize what you did by comparing what you did to the worse things other people have done. Because no matter how small the thing is that you did, you are still leaving it in the hands of her to be able to lodge some kind of complaint against you, and then you're done. It sounds like you understand the kind of deep doo-doo you are potentially in, and I don't want to hammer you over the head about that. The point is that whether you remain at your current job, or end up getting a new job, don't make the same mistake again. Really, best of luck!

 

I commend you for your (rigorous) honesty. Without even knowing, you just performed a 9th step:

“Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

I may get some fire for suggesting this but: it may feel uncomfortable, but you should really make an amends to the woman as well. It doesn't matter if you're right, or she's right — that's completely irrelevant at this point. State your peace with her and move on. It may be awkward and cringe, at first, but in the end you will never have to carry that energy around again. That is invaluable.

Proud of you for your progress. Keep it up.

 

Congratulations on the new job! You are brave for admitting it to your boss!

 

Cool, are you in the program as well? I am

 

Nice! Yes, I am in AA. Nice to meet you!