Are you open?

I did once in Australia years ago. I felt awesome getting in and out of the water fully naked and on display!

 

Same sex attraction, ok got it. Does your wife know about that? Is it something you have explored now or in the past in a physical way? I can see why the discomfort in being open about the porn type or open in general with your wife.

 

In a physical way as a teen and then again more recently. I started online porn about 10 years ago and the occasional glimpse at a guys manhood turned in to exclusively male porn a few years later. I think at the time I felt less guilt as opposed to watching women.
Wife knows nothing about it, it would kill her!
I always had curiosities but I understood that all men experienced this during their teen years!

 

I definitely had curiosities that I acted on as a teen a few times. I ultimately found I preferred women exclusively. I think this will be an unavoidable discussion at some point. I can't imagine how that conversation will go, but depending on your ultimate intentions and life goals there may be a way to work through it and stay married. The porn, gay or straight, has to be dealt with though for sure and that is probably the first step.

 

Thanks Max, did you have any attraction to the men or male anatomy in the porn you watched beyond your teenage years?

 

No. The men in porn just become imaginary stand ins for me with the women they are with and I don't even consider them. I most would be I consider how inferior I am to them physically, lol. Another reason why porn is damaging.

 

I hear you! I wish I was more like you. It was the size of these guys that always got my attention. Seeing a small one now sort of grosses me out!

 

Mine knows about the porn addiction and one day I plan to reveal the SSA business but I need to get more secure.

 

Did you get sexually abused/used as a young man?

 

Not sure - that sounds stupid but I sort of did in a public toilet when I was young but I was there out of curiosity and I suppose I wanted something to happen

 

My priest said Communion is not a reward for holiness. It is a remedy for sin. He encouraged me to keep going to communion but come to confession often. I try to go once a month. And happy to say the last time I went I told him I had t watched porn in 23 days but still had fantasies about men.

 

How young and did it happen?

 

I think I was around 13, old guy told me to get into his cubicle, I did and he proceeded to play with me. He was so fucking old and I didn't feel like I had a choice so I must have been young. I felt disgusting after. I've never told anyone this before!

 

Those experiences are something that throws us off for sure. You need to unpeal how this kind of thing effected you.

 

Thanks man, I had blocked this out until now but maybe its something I need to deal with. I can feel it affecting me already!

 

Are you in an active, physically sexual same sex relationship? If you are not I think you are fine going to communion with confession as needed. What I find interesting is the lack of strictness on the straight laity as well. I don't subscribe to the idea that homosexual behavior is funtimently more sinful that any other unprescribing sexual behavior. The straight couples having sex and living together would need to stop that behavior too, to receive communion. Instead of rempantly condemning the "gays" for even just thinking some thoughts they aren't acting on.

 

No. Married with SSA

 

Everything you said is perfectly fine then in my book regarding communion : ). I was just seeking clarity.

Do you find it a terrible burden or a incredibly difficult struggle?

 

No. It’s not unbearable. His grace is sufficient. It is a cross I bear and not the only one. but I think of it as mine and as we all know, Our crosses are our glory in the end. It makes us humble and realize our dependence on Christ’s mercy and love. We are redeemed already, but not yet completely.

 

This is great. I admire your willingness to sacrifice and endure some temporary suffering for the sake of obedience. It's wonderful that He also supplies the strengh to endure.