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Are you open?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Deleted Account, Jul 9, 2018.

  1. I Could not bear it otherwise, for sure.
     
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  2. jfromcr

    jfromcr Fapstronaut

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    @firsttimentrial, if you aren't open with her, you will not rebuild trust. I know this is not easy, because we want our SO to treat us well in our struggles. But, if you aren't open then her mind is left to figure out what is going on for you, and like all of the women my wife works with she probably goes to some very dark places.

    Take the risk of being open, or you will continue to diminish the trust between the two of you. You don't have to go into great detail about the struggle you are having but she needs to know what is going on. For example, when I run with my friends if we see a woman out running, I tell my wife about it. Just so she knows, then she can ask about the situation and feel safe.
     
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  3. Healed!

    Healed! Fapstronaut

    And yes, this is abuse, even if you desired it. A 13 year old cannot grant consent to an adult.
     
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  4. Thanks for your input guys. You are good examples that this can be done!
     
  5. I have not opened up to my wife about what it is that has caused us some small troubles. She is aware of my PMO. She is aware of my problems at times and is very understanding and supportive. I sum it up to that I am just not 100% right now. I have also been dealing with a lot the past year in a half from a tragic life changing experience when a friend was killed in an accident. I have a lot of struggles with that as well which often diplay the same symptoms I have from PA.

    I feel I'm on a good path, personally so just trying to keep that going at this point.
     
  6. Sorry to hear about your mate, a car accident is so sudden which is tough. Keep it up bro!
     
  7. Hi. I am also from Ireland, what part? It would be good to have an Irish accountability partner.
     
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  9. Hi Irishguy, I am n the north coast, looking at Scotland as I type this. Where are you from?
     
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  10. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    Get it out. Secrets kill. My wife has left the Church and filed for divorce, and I'm left in a valid marriage without my spouse.

    Don't become me.
     
  11. If you don’t mind me asking what was the nature of your P addiction? I’ve told my wife about it but not that it was SSA. I plan to but not ready yet. I don’t think she’d leave me if she found out but if she did I’d give her annulment on the grounds I was what I was (bi attracted) before we were married therefore it was invalid b/c married her not revealing it.
     
  12. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    You can't give her an annulment. That's not what an annulment is. An annulment is a declaration that the marriage never actually existed and has to do only with the circumstances at the instant of the sacrament. Nothing that happens after the wedding can make a valid marriage invalid.

    If you intended exclusivity, permanence and openness to children and if she would still have married you if she had known you were bi, then you've got no grounds.

    For that to make your marriage invalid she would have to pretty much care more that you are straight than about you personally - she would have had to have formed the intended condition that her husband is heterosexual. She has to have wanted to marry a straight man, more than she wanted to marry you. The quality has to be more important than the person at the moment the marriage is attempted..
     
  13. Yes but I with held that so at the time I married her It could be invalid that’s why I asked were you honest with her prior to being married about yourself?
     
  14. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    The marriage is valid, from all information I have, and I'm not interested in looking for "a way out". I'm married. Full stop.
     
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  15. Does that mean celibacy here on out?
     
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  16. TheManDude

    TheManDude Fapstronaut

    I am very open about it, I have a female friend who's very supportive and I've told her almost everything about my addiction and the kind of things that I used to watch... if I have a relapse I would go to her to talk to someone but if I had a GF or a wife I probably be as open as I can, I mean she would be the most important person in my life.
     
  17. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    It means chastity, which in this situation is continence.

    Celibacy actually means not being married. It has nothing to do with sex
     
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  18. @AllanTheCowboy, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Why did she leave the Church?
     
  19. AllanTheCowboy

    AllanTheCowboy Fapstronaut

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    Probably because her pagan friends treated her better than I did.
     
  20. It's too bad she judged an entire church on the actions of one of its members.
     

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