I'm so sorry to hear that. It must have been hard for you. Maybe this childhood is the reason you PMO. Maybe it causes you to look down on yourself. But you are not a loser. We can get through this addiction! It's possible the molestation caused your anus fetish. One thing I'll say is don't say it's just light and doesn't really count. Just because it wasn't consistent doesn't mean it wasn't real. Stay strong my friend.