Anyone else have a "humiliation" fetish in femdom and recovered?

I've struggled with fem_dom and it progressed to gay BDSM. You can read my story at https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/ulysses-resists-ongoing-journal.356154/page-2#post-3727523. See also the post prior to that one.

 

Yes I have recovered. It’s possible!

 

Understanding what you got from it is worth understanding. For me it was a drug where I could let go of control and escape my negative mind but it also affirmed negative core beliefs. Subconsciously I felt guilty and ashamed I guess. It was a way of sabotaging a life I didn’t think I deserved. Also it gave me a rush of danger and excitement.

 

That's a good description of what attracts us to BDS_M. I'm very interested in the negative core beliefs and also how it was a way of sabotaging the life you didn't think you deserved. Can you elaborate more on that?

My negative core beliefs was that I was made to be abused. Abuse = affection. Enduring abuse makes me strong. I think there was even a feeling that my abusers cared about me (big lie). Yes, I didn't feel I deserved nice things, kind people, or respect. I was constantly living with a poverty mindset.

What I came to realize:
The damage by all the bullies in my life is untold. It has literally robbed me of my strength, will, and masculinity. It created a strong fetish in me to be further sexually exploited by the same bullies. I see now, it’s all the same evil spirit. There are no friends with that, or compromises that will not also rob me.

The mentality and spirit of someone who wants to dominate is basically someone who wants to rob you of your very humanity to boost their own monstrous ego. This is the same bullying attitude and sociopathic mentality of all the bullies I’ve encountered as a kid and adult. These people want nothing more than to dominate, control, harm and make them selves feel powerful or in control by making you weak and controlling you. They aim to to ultimately destroy the lives and family of others. I need to stand my ground with all bullies, even when they are my boss. I need to tell them plainly; you will not have power over me. I am not your play thing that you can dominate in order to boost your perverse ego.

 

Sorry to hear youve gone through such pain.
I lost someone very special to me which has really affected mine and my families life. So I think subconsciously I’ve always thought how can I get on and enjoy my life and have the right to be happy.
Yea I’ve felt that energy from narcs, psychos etc I understand what you mean by that one spirit maybe that is what’s meant by satan. It’s definetly the opposite of empathy. The porn industry is full of it. There’s a good saying “Power over another is weakness disguised as strength.

 

You need to think about what is the root of your fetish to be able to eliminate it for good if you find it problematic. When did it develop , why , why is it negative and so on.
To defeat your enemy you need to know it

 

In my opinion you have to name it and claim it. That is what worked for me. Tell your therapist about it or whoever you feel close to. Holding onto it and keeping it a secret gives it its power. Once you come clean about it and shed the light in it you essentially takes its power. Also if you take any elicit drugs stop because it damages your brain and stops you from moving forward .
Also move forward. Fill your brain with new thoughts ( read books, learn, travel) so you don’t keep recycling old damaging thoughts. This worked for me

 

OK.
The first thing to do is to ask 2 questions:
1) Why am I contact "dommes"?
2) How does It my relationship with this "dommes"?
I'm struggling with contact girls and dommes too. We must understand the cycle. In my case, It's lack contact with girls.

 

I'm into femdom in general and humiatrix videos were some of my first gateways to the genre. I won't speak for you, but for me, it wasn't productive to my self esteem.

Like it or not your primal brain is getting off to beautiful women mocking you. Fun in the moment but I think it subconsciously makes you feel worse. Some of my worst feelings were after finishing to humiliation porn videos.

Also, sorry for your loss.

 

I think femdom can be linked to wanting your mum to look after you and take control, so you feel safe. It’s a way to let go completely as an escape from stressful life sometimes if you have a lot of pressure and responsibility

 

I'm not so sure of many people wanting to be in those situations with their mother

 

I was definitely into that stuff. To me personally, it didn't matter what "flavor" of porn I was into. I needed to stop, cold turkey. It's not nicotine, so I didn't need to slow down with porn, I needed to get completely rid of it, immediately. In my experience, it's no different that quitting any other form of lust addiction. We need to physically and literally train our bodies to live by the fact that we do not need to lust to survive. The 12 step SA program is easily the best tool out there to help with that.

 

Is it really an issue if I just feel like I'm more of a submissive guy, due to the fact I'm smaller, small p, pe issue...
Do you guys think it's because of porn or is it just my natural place? Is it a bad thing?

 

what u being submissive or u having a small PP

 

Wanting to be submissive because of my stats

 

Porn can have effect on your sexual preference . The only way to know how you truly feel is to abstain for a decent amount of time and then see how you feel

 

Exactly . Same here. Still trying to get out of femdom

 

Good luck my friend

 

Shame reduction is supposed to help! There’s a book called daring greatly might be worth checking out