Am I being lead on or should I give this person the benefit of the doubt?

Well, nice job at least going out on the date with her..

I’m not sure what to think about this.. do you like her after meeting her in person?

I’d say just remain calm no matter what. Also, just talk to her more and see if you can both meet up again in the future, even if it’s just as friends

idk I’m really not good at giving advice on this. I also kinda feel like if she really liked you a lot, she wouldn’t have said this “friendship phase” thing to you

Not sure what to think about this OP. Only time will tell what her actual reasons are for saying this

 

This is a very good sign. If she wasn't interested, she would have found a way to end the date long before four hours.

She has a lot at stake too. She might be worried you won't like her.

Key thing is is "spoke to her mom". Mom is probably alarmed about how excited she was after the date, and is putting on the brakes. Overall, a good sign.

Women are less likely to be concerned about looks than men are. If you make sure your teeth are clean, you've had a reasonably recent shower, and - this is key (which I learned long after it was relevant to me) - wear stylish shoes that are kept in good condition. And not just trainers. Dress shoes. This alone puts you ahead of the thundering herd.

As a non-muscular white guy with a funny walk who is married to a black woman, I can assure you that sex appeal is in the eye of the beholder. You don't have to be attractive to all black women, or even most of them. You only need to be attractive to one of them.

Yes, it will be disappointing if it turns out that way, mostly because all of the terrible things you will be telling yourself it means. "I'm not attractive, I'll never find anyone, it's hopeless, etc".

So if I could go waaay back in time and coach my younger self, I would encourage him to learn to work with the mind through meditation, preferably with people connected to a lineage like Zen or vipassana (insight) meditation. If you can dial down the the self-talk and learn to take it less seriously, then it becomes possible to take the risk getting friend-zoned for the reward of finding a mutual attraction.

It's easy to give advice. I couldn't do it when I was young. I went ten years between relationships. Looking back, I can see how many women were interested in me; I simply couldn't recognize it. So I totally get it. Do her a favor and give her a chance to get to know you. You might like what happens.

-EK

 

Her mother seems far too much involved in her life for my liking. Maybe it's a cultural thing but why on earth would you have your parent to pick you up from a date?

 

I am not a woman, but I do know that women have to date more careful than men. She didn't know him really, and she probably wanted the safety net of knowing her mother would be there to pick her up if she got uncomfortable or felt unsafe. He seems like a nice person, but if he wasn't her mother would know pretty quick to call the police if she came up to pick up her daughter and she never showed up. I think as men, we don't need to think about safety as much.

 

This! All of my kids(all adults) keep location on their phone so I can see where they are at any time. Same with my husband and I. Having worked law enforcement our entire careers, people kill people for literally no reason and every single day. People get in single car accidents and no one knows. Having lived rurally, people get injured or lost. Each of my kids text me and tells me when they are going on a date and where. Including my son. My daughters and son have been taught self defense and gun safety/control.