Am I a lesbian or do I have HOCD?

Well that is one of the reasons for rebooting, to see what the default wiring is so to speak.

I've known someone who has sexual trauma from her father and starting around her college years she was only interested in women for like 15-20 years or something - although it was butch women only. Needless to say that changed later.

This sounds rather telling, but of course you are the one that knows yourself best - at least once we kind of break down these inner walls that divide us within ourselves.

I think I speak for many here in the community that we are more interested in supporting you in exploring who you really are, whatever that may be in terms of your sexual orientation does not matter. In that sense, exploring fantasies in terms of getting off is not our goal here, but integration, being a whole person and healing is.

 

It sounds like you might be both bisexual and suffering from HOCD (homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder). Also it seems that your current relationship might need to change if you aren't aroused. I'm not an expert of course.

 

I agree with ongoingsupport, you need to reboot first, before deciding. PMO addiction can make us do things not in our nature to get the high our body wants. Many times we keep looking for more and more hard stuff, different genres to keep that high going. Well all that stuff can impact our world outside the computer. I would suggest first freeing yourself from PMO.

 

I was thinking of the mental block part and the terrible anxiety, that it is trauma related. I am more interested in peoples mental health, as I said it doesn't matter to me what peoples orientation is but trauma is no good for anybody.

 

When both persons have some kind of psychological issue it makes it all the more complicated, and although I wouldn't jump to any conclusions this statement might mean there is something going on with him.

 

So @Ruth any solution for your problem, yet?? Let more people pour in their thoughts on it.

 

Many of us have, from porn, acquired tastes which we didn't have before porn. Many who have recovered state that those acquired tastes go away after some time away from porn.

 

It is possible you can be together but the relationship will just change. That's all healing is, our relationship with ourselves change. Us coming to a healthy place with ourselves may mean our relationship with other people will take a break, end or just change, whether they are SOs or someone else. There's a lot going on, probably too much to predict what will happen at any given point in the process but ultimately it's about everyone getting to a healthy place.

 

I think that's evidence in support of the idea that you're not a Lesbian, just some one who's watched/watching too much porn.

 

Stop watching p, journal regularly, and revaluate how u feel about it once a week. You are not alone in this. And sometimes healing means we discover what we thought we wanted isnt what we want at all. Goodluck

 

I was more sexually attracted to gay porn which made me wonder if I was gay, and the nofap explained P.I.E.D. that might be what you are experiencing.

 

See, I've a food for your thoughts. Have sex with your boyfriend and analyze each and every mood and action you do. Try to take pleasure in whatever act you do while doing sex. This would yield in you a sense of belongingness and you will love to have such pleasurable moments with men rather than deriving them in another female. I'm not saying it's bad to look and praise female's beauty and shape but this thought should remain for the time being, and that you should not crave for it.

 

Can you imagine yourself with a woman in the future? Can you imagine yourself cuddling with a woman and being passionate with a woman? If this thoughts make some inner peace in yourself and make you feel happy than you should maybe try it, but if this thoughts make you feel anxious, then it is just OCD. So you have HOCD, you probably have some kind of PIED and you developed ROCD because of that. So I always tell to the people, you are what you want to be. It is simple. If you would ve more happier as a heterosexual, then you are, if you want to be gay, you are, everything else is just pure overthinking. I had HOCD for 2 years, and was feeling like shit, but i knew what I want to be, and I after many battles I won against. But then i got ROCD and new battles were up to fight and I won them too. That was all because of non existent libido, and erections. So just stay away from porn and be what you want to be.

 

Porn can change sexuality.

Many men on this forum are straight, but they struggle for example with transwoman porn - men who, before watching porn, considered themselves 100% straight, porn brainwashed them. Just one recent example of a guy who is totally into girls and would never ever ever crave cock, but after watching porn he did: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/porn-induced-hocd-please-help.147478/#post-1211300

I read comments of lesbians in another forum who watched gay-men porn and wondered why they now get off to men, if they are lesbians anymore. Maybe they were even brainwashed by porn to believe they were lesbian in the first place.

And there are many more porn induced sexual desires, I myself experienced it to desire something that I previously despised after watching porn. The pornsites are flooded with lesbian porn, so it is no miracle to me, that many women are influenced by it.

There is sexual predisposition from birth, but I believe porn can influence people more than they realize.
The fact that you were previously only into men and now you ask if porn rewired you plus you now feel uncomfortable about it may be proof for that harmful influence.