A tip a day keeps the P away (66 TIPS IN TOTAL)!

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What you need to know about willpower: The psychological science of self-control
Willpower and Financial Status

Psychologists have found, as within all areas of life, from overeating to resisting alcohol, people’s purchasing behavior has been shown to be subject to willpower depletion (the more they use it throughout the day, the more they buy on impluse too). In experiments that studied willpower depletion and impulse buying at the University of Minnesota, subjects who had exerted self-control in the task, were later on willing to spend considerably more than participants whose self-control hadn’t been run down.

Financial decision-making may be even more challenging for people living in poverty. Research showed that financial decisions that are quick and easy for richer shoppers, are likely to represent difficult tests of self-control among people who are financially insecure.

Therefore, poorer shoppers, would likely experience a greater depletion of their willpower as they faced repeated, difficult financial decisions. This is the reason that many of their decisions in general are worse, contrary to popular believe that poorer people have less willpower than the rich from the outset. And in fact, it was found that poorer individuals were considerably more likely to consume food and drink while shopping than were richer individuals—an indicator that financial decision-making had run down their self-control stockpiles.

If people in poverty are more prone to willpower depletion, then perhaps reducing the number of difficult decisions they must make can help maintain their stores of self-control for future decisions. In a Harvard Business School research done in the Philippines, they offered the customers bank accounts, where they can withdraw their funds only after they’d reached a target date or target savings amount that they themselves had chosen. After a year, participants who enrolled in the accounts saved 82% more than customers who had not opened the special accounts. Eliminating the decision of whether to spend or save helped customers avoid willpower failure.

Source: American Psychological Association Article on Willpower
https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/willpower

 

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What you need to know about willpower: The psychological science of self-control
Strengthening Self-control

If willpower is truly a limited resource, as the research suggests, what can be done to conserve it?

• "Avoiding temptation" is one effective tactic for maintaining self-control. The “out of sight, out of mind” principle applies to adults, too. One recent study, for instance, found office workers who kept candy in a desk drawer indulged less than when they kept the candy on top of their desks, in plain sight.
• A helpful tactic for improving self-control is a technique called “implementation intention or advance planning.” Usually these intentions take the form of “if-then” statements that help people plan for situations that are likely to foil their resolve. For example, someone who’s avoiding P might tell himself, “If I feel the stress built up that leads to watching P, I will instead go out for a walk within 15 minutes (or whatever suits the situation).” Having a plan in place ahead of time may allow you to make decisions in the moment without having to draw on your willpower.
• Tapping into "High motivation" might help overcome weakened willpower—at least to a point. When one feels low, he can revive the "why" within him and how can exerting willpower will help a cause greater then himself.
• "Regular exercise of self-control" helps; ie. having a plan flexing your willpower muscles can strengthen self-control over time. Regularly exercising willpower in one area, leads to better willpower in nearly all areas of their lives. In research after research, those who had exerted self-control by performing certain exercises (have a plan of action), were less vulnerable to willpower depletion in follow-ups. For example, in a study it was found that smokers who practiced self-control for two weeks by avoiding sweets or regularly squeezing a hand-grip, were more successful at quitting smoking than those who performed two weeks of regular tasks that required no self-control, such as writing in a diary.
• "Eating regularly" to maintain blood-sugar levels in the brain may help refuel run-down willpower stores. (But don’t let the term “sugar” fool you. Healthy meals without refined sugar are actually better than sweets at keeping blood-sugar levels on an even keel, experts say.) Dieters, who are aiming to maintain willpower while cutting calories, might do better eating frequent small meals rather than skipping breakfast or lunch.
• "Focus on only one single goal at a time"; the evidence from willpower-depletion studies also suggests that making a list of resolutions on New Year’s Eve is the worst possible approach. Being depleted in one area can reduce willpower in other spheres. In other words, don’t try to quit smoking, adopt a healthy diet, and start a new exercise plan at the same time. Taking goals one by one is a better approach. Once a good habit is in place, you’ll no longer need to draw on your willpower to maintain the behavior. Eventually healthy habits will become routine, and won’t require making decisions at all.

It seems likely that with clear goals, good self-monitoring, and a little practice, you can train your willpower to stay strong in the face of temptation.

Source: American Psychological Association Article on Willpower
https://www.apa.org/topics/personality/willpower

 

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Good Questions to Ponder When the Urge Hits (I suggest you make your own version; write it, and look at it):

If you give in now, what will happen, as a consequence, without fail, as always?
You remember, don't you? Like every single time you've done this, don't you?
After the fall, you won't feel so good anymore, right?
Won't you feel a crushing sense of guilt, and a failure?
Won't you have the weakend sense that you can't ever beat this?
Won't you feel shameful if you admit this to your AP or close one?
Won't you feel worried about covering your tracks and the telling signs?
Won't you feel as a fraud for telling your children/ others of how P is bad!?
Won't you have that feeling of being impotent / stunted teenager / worthless?
Won't you become overwhelmed by the comeback of the reality that you tried to escape? It didn't vanish you know!
Wouldn't the simple things, and good things, suddenly feel burdensome and you'd procrastinate on them?
Won't you want to be socially isolated from the closest ones because you feel so weak?
Won't you have feelings of self-loathing and negativity return with a vengeance?

Now the big question: IS IT WORTH IT??

Thanks to @Ketherlonk !

 

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Inspiring Ideas & Words of Encouragement:

• Whatever uncomfortable feeling that is pushing you to P (to release/ ease up), remember; it will pass.
• Normal life has work stress, boredom, worry, fear, and relationship problems; facing them is better than P.
• You only have to use the bit of strength you have been given for this moment; it is enough.
• Resisting temptation is a heroic deed and a good thing; it gives you power to LIVE LIFE!
• You only need to stay sober from lust today (this is what you have in your hands); wrestle life, don't run.
• Persist and resist the urge; restful sleep awaits you at the end of this day, you would sleep with a SMILE!
• Your brain needs dopamine when you feel the urge: there are many other ways you can give it that thrill, good and clean and pure! Get up from your desk; stretch; go talk to your loved ones; make some coffee; have a snack.
• Know that you are free to take a break from work or any stressful situation, for as long as you need; take it!
• Work, deadlines, results, deliverables , people, pressing situations -- all these, as everything, shall pass.
• You have to really want to succeed in this fight,you have to give it all that you need to be successful.
• Whenever you're feeling down, count your blessings! Remember all the good things in your life: your beautiful loved ones, your stable work, your good health, your nice house, and everything that you CAN BE IN THE FUTURE.

Thanks to @Ketherlonk !

 

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DO NOT QUIT YOUR EFFORTS TO QUIT (wise words from someone who's been free from PMO for 1000+ days)!

1. Take the punishment.
   
2. Put in the time, the work, the sacrifice, the pain.
   
3. You would if you were building a house.
   
4. You would if you were building a business.
   
5. You would if you were building your skills at something important.
   
6. You would if you were building your career.
   
7. And in this, you are building yourself!
   
8. Give yourself what you would give a house, a business, a skill set, a career, and more.
   
9. Give. Give, and give again.
   
10. Give until you have nothing to give, and then find more to give.
    
11. Never stop.
    
12. Give and keep giving.
    
13. Give yourself whatever you must, so that when you are built you can give yourself to the world.
14. Keep hope!

Thanks to @AllanTheCowboy !

 

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Nothing's impossible. It's what you decide your limits are.
—Lori-Ann Muenzer

Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
—Albert Einstein

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
—Theodore Roosevelt

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance."
-Alan Watts

It's not the absence of fear, it's overcoming it. Sometimes you've got to blast through and have faith.
—Emma Watson

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.
—David Brinkley

“You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.”
-Abraham Lincoln

Thanks to @jk243 & @One Eyed Owl !

 

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You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day.
—Marian Wright Edelman

How you handle failure determines how successful you will be.
—Muffet McGraw

The only states of mind that should be tolerated:
-Acceptance
-Enjoyment
-Enthusiasm
—Eckhart Tolle

"The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts"
—Marcus Aurelius

Thanks to @jk243 !

 

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Do not be limited by what others expect of you, but reach confidently for the stars.
—Shirley Ann Jackson

"Most things I worry about never happen anyway"
—Tom Petty

If you know you are on the right track, if you have this inner knowledge, then nobody can turn you off... no matter what they say.
—Barbara McClintock

“Self-Conquest is the greatest of victories. Mighty is he who conquers himself”
—Bruce Lee

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
—George Santayana

Thanks to @jk243 & @One Eyed Owl & @Wolfyoufeed !

 

(50)

A word of wisdom from a veteran with over 600+ days of NoFap

Various withdrawal symptoms may cause people to think rebooting isn’t working, but stopping this addiction means tolerating the discomfort

A very big thanks goes to @Buddhabro2.0 !

 

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Now there are many (natural) sources of dopamine other than the harmful non-natural P, here's a list:

• Setting and achieving goals
• Problem solving
  
• Meeting up with friends
• Eating delicious food
  
• Playing games that are fun
  
• Watching something you love
  
• Sports
• Hobbies

Dopamine is that feeling of excitement you get when you do something you enjoy, or when you're about to do anything you enjoy. When you do something in the list above, there's always a sense of anticipation before you do it... sometimes, the anticipation gives you more pleasure than the thing itself.

That anticipation, that build up, is all dopamine. And for activities that give continual enjoyment, (i.e.meeting up with friends or getting immersed in work, as opposed to eating) that also means continual dopamine, though of course it trails off after a while if there's no variation/novelty. Novelty is king when it comes to producing dopamine.

Dopamine is also that sense of achievement when you finally complete something you worked hard for, like finishing off a hard task at work, or finally reaching a goal.

Ironically, the feeling we're getting right now from achieving such a great streak, is dopamine. This is also why a lot of people struggle to meet their goals... they get a big dose of dopamine at the start and the end, but nothing in the middle, so they struggle and sometimes quit half way through. Novelty and change renews the energy to go on and on..

Big thanks to @x_Nocturnalis_x !

 

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I will speak about my goal and motivation and action plan (optimistic7, me, speaking here):

1. I read the "dopamine nation" book summary (mentioned here in an earlier post), watched its videos, and follow its steps; so I started with a written plan of actionable steps for new daily habits (do this, stop that)
2. Part of the steps is joining an accountability group (or having an accountability partner); started by joining here
3. I understood, and planned for a 66 days to change this habit (my success threshold), now at 50+ (I'm close)
4. Know and do is what I learned, so for each day I am learning something and applying it every day (my journal).

Up until now its working because I am working, I am close to getting to my 66 days habit-changing goal, then I'd say thanks to NoFap, leave the forum and wish everyone success, and continue with my new habits and take my documented file and re-visit my notes to keep up the habit; and seek other new habits.

Hope that my journey / way helps anyone

 

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Nice words by a 190+ successful veteran (with usual editing)

• The journey was hard: I had sleepless night, I felt lonely, I was stressed, it was like there was something I was missing; I became so alone and broken. The journey was not easy.
  
• If your not ready to go through fire accept the thought that your less of a complete man.
  
• In as much as the discomfort of this journey persists, the benefit are also glorious.
• There were significant and magnificent benefits: Attraction from everyone around me socially and professionally, high retentive memory, superb academic performance, increased productivity, an increasignly manly psyche, being more smart.
• People will want to befreind you, and they will tend to see "something" in you which you can't figure out.
• It's a journey filled with tears and glorious joy and I love every single part of it.
• I had many failures but I trully never gave up.
• Lastly, my message to all the people: nothing is impossible, success is not about age or wisdom, it's never too late, and the perfect time is now.
• Be positive, set big goals and accept your failures and move on.

A very big shout out to @The Conqueror 414 !

 

(54)

21 Steps Summary to Quit P

1. This method is simple, it requires thinking deeply as a base.

2. It is based on the workings of the internal frames and ideas of the mind (ie. how you think). Simply put: if you know the facts, and change your thinking, you would find it easy to quit P and stay that way for the rest of life. You have to pay the price for freedom, and you have to work to make this work.

3. Addiction is fueled by frustration. Frustration is one of the reasons why we keep coming back, surprisingly. Something that makes you miserable cannot give you pleasure! Thus, P cannot be enjoyable.

4. Fear is the biggest obstacle to quitting P; it’s the irrational fear of missing out on something beautiful. The fear of being miserable and stressed out, with nothing to help you cope; fear of losing that release that comes in the end. Fear is the “root cause” of being addicted, its the hook that keep you an addict.

5. Fun fact: the fear, frustration, anxiety and boredom that are all actually caused by P consumption. You fear all those, while they are created by P; that’s where P and all addictive habits and substances gain their power (in your mind!).

6. Start with asking yourself and writing down the answers to those three questions:

• What is P doing for me (how does it add value to your life)?
• Am I actually enjoying it (think of the whole experience; before and after)?
• Do I really need to go through life sabotaging my mind and body?

7. The beautiful truth is that all P does absolutely nothing for you whatsoever. Let me make it quite clear, it’s not that the disadvantages of being a user outweigh the advantages, it’s that there are zero advantages to looking at P.

8. Most users find it necessary to rationalise why they use P, but the reasons they come up with are all fallacies and illusions. You should remove these fallacies from your thought pattern once you identify them.

9. Life as it is, is not as hard as we think while on P, those feeling and anxieties are created by P withdrawal and dopamine imbalances. Life is way easier and enjoyable with a clean mind, yet many give in to the irrational frame of mind and think that P makes life “easier / more bearable”! Really, since when did anyone increase their success and get better after a P session?

10. P being the powerful drug it is, hacks the natural dopamine reward mechanism within us. P induces the urge / rush, when one gets his fix and becomes high, only to be followed by the crash where one hits rock bottom, and where one suffers pain, and seeks relieve by the very same P drug. This is 100% the addictive cycle, and it is called the trap.

11. To overcome the societal brainwashing, one has to know and belief the following:

• P doesn’t fill the void; it creates one (feelings of insecurity and worthlessness).
• Quitting P doesn’t mean giving anything up, because it didn’t add anything in the first place (that is a mere illusion).
• It’s nice to be free, spiritual, productive and healthy (that is worth fighting for).
• It’s nice to be fresh, clean and empowered to face life (which isn’t miserable when you are free and acting rightly).

12. Advantages of being a P user: [ ].

13. We’re about to remove this brainwashing. It isn’t the non-user who’s being deprived, but the user of P who is forfeiting a lifetime of:

• Health
• Energy
• Wealth
• Peace of mind
• Confidence
• Courage
• Self-respect
• Happiness
• Freedom

14. What do P users gain from these considerable sacrifices? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, apart from the illusion of trying to get back to the state of peace, tranquillity and confidence that the non-user always enjoys.

15. Using rationality makes quitting P easy. Reverting to rationality when facing illogical thoughts, makes it possible to quit P for life. It’s a mental, simple and straightforward path. This makes you stop instantly and not look back. Nothing else would cut it (consuming P less has the same negative effects, it’s a destructive drug).

16. It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult. Stop junkie behaviors around P; abandon social media, P substitutes, arousing movies and scenes, taking with other P users and anyone in your circle that glorifies the addiction of P or addictive behaviors.

17. Remember that you are not “giving anything up”. You are only “gaining positives”. This frame of mind would put everything in perspective.

18. Don’t associate quitting P with external false incentives such as getting more social power, winning in relationships with the opposite sex, excelling at work etc. These are all external goals that takes time, and are circumstantial. Quit P as a gift you give yourself, to enjoy life and be a better person!

19. The method in nutshell:

• Make the decision to stop P use here and now (cold turkey).
• Don’t dwell on it; rejoice your new life and wait for good things to happen (however long it might take).

20. The Instructions:

• Keep an open mind.
• Start with a feeling of elation.
• Ignore all advice and influence that conflicts with method.
• Resist any promise of a temporary fix.
• Get it clear in your mind: P provides no genuine pleasure or crutch and you aren’t making a sacrifice. There’s nothing to give up and no reason to feel deprived.
• Don’t wait to quit, do it now!
• Make a decision never to watch again and never question it.
• Remember there is no such thing as just one peek.
• Never watch P again.

21. The Affirmations:

• I’m free from the slavery of P.
• It’s easy to ignore my thoughts about P.
• Bye-bye thoughts, bye-bye urges. Oh, there go my cravings.
• I focus my subconscious mind to overcome P addiction.
• P steals my time, energy and vitality.
• Beating P gets exponentially easier day by day and in every aspect.I enjoy and value my P-free, strong, happy, light and easy lifestyle.
• If I look back and think about my progress, it gives me great joy and pride in myself.
• Every time I see other P users I get more motivated to see myself break that chain.
• All that pent-up energy is healing my body and mind. Then, I can do more productive and challenging work towards my values and goals.
• My brain is getting back in correct shape, getting exercised by me not doing what I was previously doing.
• Now all that pent-up willpower is being used to handle lightweight stresses and strains of life.
• Great, I’m free and no longer a slave!

​

Enjoy

 

(55)

Two Relevant Quotes in Fighting P.. for the Wise..:

It is no longer enough to automate information flows about us; the goal now is to automate us. These processes are meticulously designed to produce ignorance by circumventing individual awareness and thus eliminate any possibility of self-determination. As one data scientist explained to me, “We can engineer the context around a particular behaviour and force change that way… We are learning how to write the music, and then we let the music make them dance.”
-Shoshana Zuboff, author of The Age of Surveillance Capitalism: The Fight for a Human Future at the New Frontier of Power.

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it."
George Santayana

Thanks to @Awedouble !

 

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My personal thoughts (optimistic7) on the question of "is will power on its own enough to quit"?

Well I do understand where the holders of this idea "all it takes is will power" are coming from; most people think along those lines. We all abstain for "logical" reasons; yet the problem is when one falls back its for all the "illogical reasons" that are embeded much deeper in their psyche / plus the reasons in their physical brain (cravings / dependancy/ etc).

Will power, as proven by psychologists, is inherently "limited reserve" - "limited amount", that's why for most people it is never enough to overcome complex addictions. Where is the will power with the millions and millions of relapses? Saying that the person lacks will power, and if he wants he will just stop; is right to a degree, yet it doesn't tell the whole story.

Yes one needs will power to "initiate" / "resist"; but what more does he need to do to "fend off" / "protect" against every single internal and external issue that will "bombard" him and his "will power" afterwards? This complex deeply-embedded web of reasons that will "make it so easy to just let go.. this one time.. one time cannot destroy everything can it?"; will power will not withstand this for long, and so the rabbit hole scenario keeps replaying itself again and again.

I am speaking from my experience of course, yet again, I have to admit:

• People are all different; and how P affects them also is different.
• There are people more addict-prone; they are others who are addict-proof (from the very start).
• Some are learners, some are more experimental, some figure it out as they go along, some make use of others experience.
• There are people who with no plan whatsoever, and no knowledge even, just decided to quit, at once, and succeed at it like a breeze!
• Psychology and human beings is COMPLEX, and this P problem just shows that in a COMPLEX world.

Best

 

(57)

On the importance of planning:

Will power is a must throughout the journey to overcome P addiction; before, during and after. No one can do without. The plan is for the "trouble points", and they are many and mostly diversified based on each and every ones' particular situation.

You, for example, might replase due to "chasing a certain feeling"; then you might need a plan for that. Others might need a plan when they "feel low", or "get that urge", or "get angry", etc.

Plans serve a purpose, they give us direction, help us understand our thought process, avoid the pitfalls, etc. Plans help us deal with the "complexity" inside us and around us beforehand.

The P monster is a monster that attacks our "weakest points" on so many levels, and have been doing so over the years, both spiritually and physically, and to overcome such a deep embedded monster, one needs to methodically get to the root, extract it, replace it with something else, etc. etc..

As a person who learned from the experience of others, this is what worked for me; I tweaked their steps to specifically suit my case. Thus I reached "my plan".

Best!

 

(58)

Calmness is the rarest quality in human life. It is the poise of a great nature, in harmony with itself and its ideals. It is the moral atmosphere of a life self-centered, self-reliant, and self-controlled. Calmness is singleness of purpose, absolute confidence, and conscious power, ready to be focused in an instant to meet any crises.
~ William George Jordan ~

When adversity strikes, that's when you have to be the most calm. Take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on.
~ LL Cool J ~

Through perseverance many people win success out of what seemed destined to be certain failure.
Benjamin Disraeli

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

Better to fight for something than live for nothing.
-George S. Patton

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.
Henry Ward Beecher

Success doesn’t just find you. You have to go out and get it.

Thanks to @Calm @jk243 !

 

(59)

“Happiness is a work of art. Handle with care.”

“There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there’s only one way of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have a fairly good time.”

“Life is made up of compromises.”

“Beware of monotony; it’s the mother of all the deadly sins.”

“If only we’d stop trying to be happy we’d have a pretty good time.”

— Edith Wharton

 

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“If you can change your mind, you can change your life.”

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”

“Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.”

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

“Thoughts become perception, perception becomes reality. Alter your thoughts, alter your reality.”

— William James

 

(61)

“Life is a journey, not a destination.”

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”

“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.”

“Always do what you are afraid to do.”

— Ralph Waldo Emerson