A new Fapstronaut saying hello.

21 hours and 37 minutes of my new life. I've tried to go cold turkey on the no porn drive for a long time. I arrogantly thought I was strong enough to do it without help. What I came to realise is I'm not yet strong enough to do it alone. It has cost me money, relationships, a loving family environment - twice. It, no my addiction and weak morality, has cost me everybody who ever loved me. The woman of my dreams hates me, I literally BURST into big thick rolling tears without warning, in TESCO, driving, with friends, listening to music, reading, gardening. It's damaged my self confidence almost beyond recognition. I have been told I'd need a circumcision due to the physical damage of done to my foreskin. I was so scared of ED I have myself porn-induced ED! I WOULD LOOK AT PORN AND EDGE FOR HOURS EVERY DAY FOR YEARS. When I look back at how much I've wasted and thrown away over the last 35 years its probably nearly a decade of that. I'm nearly 50 and have very little to my name. I have thousands of people who would testify that I was a liar, cheat, insubstantial, fake, secretive, and all those other wholesome adjectives. I subscribed to a path of destruction and committed myself to a dedicated life of meaningless harmful disrespectful pathetic depravity that took time and energy away from real life as well as time and energy to cover it up.
I no longer want to have the tyranny of pornography anywhere around me. I'm taking it one minute at a time because that's how tough it is for me to stop this. Hopefully minutes will become hours and in turn days, weeks months and eventually I'll have lost count because it is removed, deleted, triple shredded, burned and buried. I want the person I was to be unrecognisable to the person I am. I ask for your help and support in making it stick until it becomes me.
Thanks
Craig

 

As I was welcomed to the site someone said, stay away from porn - duh kinda why I'm here. Stay away from YouTube - no I only watch camping, prepper and bushcraft stuff on there and other web stuff like Facebook. I hate antisocial media so that's no problem either. It's a PMO problem, I recognise my triggers and do my utmost to avoid them. If I feel the need for speed I hit the panic button on here or look at my 90 day countdown counter or the panic button on NF Companion a great app.

 

By the way i bought a chastity cage and posted the lock number on FB. I think that's a massive accountability step. It's a meaningless message to anyone who doesn't know what it means.
I'm starting my 90 days today now I know how hard I'm going to have to work on myself.