I know what 86 days feel like. This is my motivation to go further. I also know well what 0 days feels like. This is my motivation to continue
Had a near miss this morning. I got frustrated while trying to import some photos from my camera (Windows 10 wasn't cooperating). My mind immediately went to edging behavior - looking for temporary photo files on my computer, which was one of my ways of looking for porn when I used a filter program. Lucky I didn't find anything and I snapped out it. This is a perfect example of how I have used porn in the past to medicate myself and escape when I'm feeling negative emotions. In these situations I have to remind myself that whatever problem is causing my distress will pass and is not worth wrecking my recovery over.
It will take time to make up what I gave away in a mere matter of seconds. My longest streak is 86 days. My previous streak was 65 days, i think. Recovery is progressive but it takes time. I will feel better each day that passes.
Thanks persona! This has happened to me so many times with technical frustration issues. In fact this has specifically happened with importing photos from my camera, like you said. It has happened a few times on this streak even, where the urge was so great and stayed that way until I got the technical issue fixed. I think the key to that is to be mindful about what is going on, and ask yourself which is more important- keeping your streak, or getting that mind-numbing issue fixed. And if your answer is the second, can it at least wait till later? Just stop, do something else, calm down and tackle it again when you feel more balanced.
Today is day 2. I feel like giving up but that's bullshit. It will be some time before i feel better. I want to get away from where i am but only time can do that for me.
Weird day today. On day 9 now. About to hit 10. Almost gave in. Went to an adult chat site. Haven't been to one in 9 days. Logged in. Then my wife wanted to have sex so I left. She saved me.
Checking in on Monday morning. I nearly fell off the wagon over the weekend and this morning - stress, lack of sleep and lack of exercise being the largest factors. Managed to divert my attention onto other things. Can't believe I'm about to cross 60 days and that I considered (briefly) throwing that!
Yesterday night i relapse. Today i woke up having a dream reminding me how much better life was before all of this.I was out in a classy place for a drink, financially stable and with confidence, surrounded by lots of friends and beautiful women i knew..the only differece is that one of those girls propably had covid and i felt i had to leave this place, lol ..latter i had a small fight with a boucer on another bar..yeah that was my dream. i woke up feeling bad with myslef and my current situation and that sucks a lot atm.I know those memories should motivate me to try harder but i don't see that happening today.It's Monday anyway, traditionaly a very depressing day for me.
Tough weekend with surging urges. It's that threshold that needs to be crossed and I am struggling to do so. Just last week, I blocked sites on my devices for the first time ever and that proved to be my savior. Sadly. it wasn't will power that prevented me from fapping, but the hassle of trying to overcome the blocks. I'm glad I made it through and now going day by day trying to keep myself busy and never alone.
I must remember how i feel right now, and remember that i will always end up here if i continue my behavior. I must also remind myself that i will never have to go through this shame again should i remain abstinent.
Shame is no good. You won't make it if you're beating yourself up with shame after every reset. Failing is normal. It's a matter of just getting back at it again.