My Journal. The weaker I get, the stronger I become.

#Day 1

Hi everybody sad day to me, I relapsed. My P is not on the screen but worst with girl neighbours that I've saw and got trapped like with P. I want to win this battle against me. I'm in anguish and pain on my heart and feeling like I betrayed everyone I know. There's no way I can block this windows so I have to stop watching on my own which makes things even harder.
I know i'm giving a bad testimony on my own neighbourhood and that's killing me inside, I just hope that God in His supreme love and mercy will grant me the strength I need to defeat this goliat.

I haven't lose hope.

Like the band newsboys says :
"Oh lord, I'm a different man You gave me a second chance
I was lost, I was fallin' apart. But you came along, and you hit the restart"

I'm not giving up so easily so please brothers PRAY FOR ME !! I NEED YOU !

I've read Galatians 6.9-10 (ESV): "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith."

It's on my signature now so I remember not to grow weary of doing good, and not to give up so I'll reap. In the meantime I'll be trying to motivate and help others to overcome as I do it too.

I've started this journal to see the path i left behind me and to see the hand of the Lord and his Grace as I walk through it.

Paul also said in 2 Co. 12.7-10 (MSG):

"My grace is enough; it’s all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

And I've never felt weaker so now It's time to win this with God's strength!

 

Thanks for being there !! The worst part is that I had issues with P and I overcome it -not so long ago- with Lord's help and time. This, as you said, is the worst !

Sadly I can't put screens right now but so I started to be conscious of every time i walk there i bounce my eyes out, trying not to look. I've got that from a fellow fapstronaut. But as soon as I can I'll surely add some screens !!

 

#Day 2

Yesterday I was tempted and glanced a bit through that window. I didn't see any girl. But couldn't help thinking "that's her shadow maybe she's there, wait a second and check it out" so I left immediately! I'm starting to look away every time, or trying at least. As i can't afford putting screens right now I'm taking the advice of @Tao Jones form Every Man's battle of bouncing my eyes out of there. Hopefully "out of sight, out of mind" as they say.

I've also decided to do 15 min workout since I don't do sports at all. I want to start balancing my life step by step. So I've dusted off my TRX and trying to do it with youtube trainer. Will see how that goes for me. lol

As Proverbs 16.9 says (MSG): "We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it." So I'll trust he will give me the strength that I so desperately need (Psalm 27). You don't need to use your force until you've to lift something up, or getting up from the couch. In life it's the same, God's shows us His almighty power through us in our weakness. That's how we'll get out of the swamp of sin (Psalm 40.2; Col 1.29; Eph 6.10).

 

#Day 3

I started that workout. Not bad for the first day I'm getting up really early so I can pray read the Word and do my excercise before work. Not easy I admit but totally worth it that is keeping me up more than coffee lol

I just read this :
-----------------------------------------------------
Psalm 6 (MSG)
A David Psalm
6 1-2 Please, God, no more yelling,
no more trips to the woodshed.
Treat me nice for a change;
I’m so starved for affection.

2-3 Can’t you see I’m black-and-blue,
beat up badly in bones and soul?
God, how long will it take
for you to let up?

4-5 Break in, God, and break up this fight;
if you love me at all, get me out of here.
I’m no good to you dead, am I?
I can’t sing in your choir if I’m buried in some tomb!

6-7 I’m tired of all this—so tired. My bed
has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
nearly blind, I squint and grope.

8-9 Get out of here, you Devil’s crew:
at last God has heard my sobs.
My requests have all been granted,
my prayers are answered.

10 Cowards, my enemies disappear.
Disgraced, they turn tail and run.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The sincerity of David on this Psalm opening to God like that is really awesome. I think we all are in this fight. "Starved for affection" of some kind maybe, some of us maybe "beat up badly" begging for the love of God to be free. Maybe you're not crying on you're bed for that, maybe you do. But you're not alone. I know I'm not. God is there. God, is always there not to judge, or to fight with you but to help you to "break up this fight" that is killing us.

Have faith. Know that God listens that He will answer your prayers. Note that David never gave up, he kept fighting though he was badly beaten up. He didn't quit, he went for help to the One who helped him to fight Goliat. God answers and He will "break up this fight" until our "enemies disappear" and "they turn tail and run".

That's my pray for today that we can all achieve that.

 

#Day 4

Thank you for reading this. Thanks for being there and comment is so inspiring, and needed too!

Thanks man! That's great advice I'll do that for sure.

 

#Day 4

Started to do some excercise each morning to get through this. It hurts ! ... a lot. But it is worth it !! I feel much better just to have the power of doing it.

This is a short entrance to check in. To sum it up this 4 days I've been tempted a lot, and talking to someone about how ashamed I was to lust for girl neighbours that may noticed that i was staring through my window. Then I received this advice "DO NOT ADD SHAME TO IT, FOCUS ON OVERCOMING".
So i'm doing that I know i'll win this war.

I'm not alone. As @BiaForce said many of you are there in this with me so we can help each other.
But let me add that "If God is for us, who can be against us." Rom. 8.31 The creator of the world is there to help me AND you to do this. Do not hesitate on looking His help too!!

God bless everyone, and guide everyone out of this swamp (Psalms 40.2). -btw U2 has a song about this Psalm -

 

#Day 5

Almost there to match my las streak. Yesterday was a great day, did some workout -still hurting btw-. Then going work i've tried something different. Someone recommended me to sing praises while driving to get my mind and heart set on the right place, and wow that really changed everything. Going back I've heard some preachings and It really helped me a lot through the day. It kept me focused. I'm gonna try everyday and see how it goes. Music plays a very important roll for each christian, is not that you sing like a rock star, but that you express all that you are to your Lord on praise and worship before Him.

Also I've memoized this verses :

Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.
Prov. 23.17-18 (ESV)

For those of us who believe in Christ, sometimes the things can get blurry along the way. And the indulges that we allow are due to "envy" to the sinners activities. We think we can do it better without God, we are so full of pride. Truth is that we can't, and that's why we are here. That's why you're reading this. If you believe in God, He won't let you down. He has a future for you, here on earth and then with Him on His glory. That's our hope. That's why we are here, seeking to do things God's way this time.

If you don't believe, or just believe that God's is not doing nothing, just let me give you some piece of advise. We are the ones who defrauded Him, we allowed sin into our lives and we are to deal those consequences. But He is so real, and His Love for you is so big, that everyday you can seek for Him. If you're here, thinking that you're dying inside, just put your pride aside, and seek for God. He will give you life, He will revive your heart. And you'll be glad. (Psalm 69.32)

Yes I'm here too, I've failed Him, so many times. But He is so faithful, so merciful that He forgives me, every single time that I repent. He helps me to get back on my feet so I can try again and do it better this time. The difference is not that christians are better, we are sinners too. But we have been forgiven for Christ Himself 1st John 1.9 says that if we talk to Him in pray confessing our sin He will forgive us. Then we can learn of our mistakes, and work harder to change that it made us fall.

God bless you everyone. It's my pray that the Lord uses this journal to help others on their way to recovery and to meet Him as Saviour.

 

Thanks a lot for your words. I'll certainly look for them !

 

Amen !! Thanks a lot !

 

Thanks for your experience! That helps a lot. I've been trying to avoid lookin or out of the place as much as I can at those times, not an easy job, but I'm trying.

 

Thanks ! Great analogies there ! I've stopped all that TV, video games, Facebook, or YouTube. And I'm working on building on hobbies too. God bless you !!