31 Years is Enough

foptastic · Jun 15, 2018

I started the PMO cycle when I was only 12 years old. 31 years later, it has created an unnecessary burden on my family. Even though I am straight, I have drifted into gay porn as straight porn stopped doing it for me. I'm also disgusted by the fact that most porn actors are 20 years younger than I am. When I started, they were all older than me.

The worst part is that PIED has set in, and this has had a constant negative impact on my relationship with my wife. I have an amazing and supportive wife who accepts my addiction even though it causes her great emotional harm and has made it impossible for us to function in the bedroom.

I have nieces and nephews that are as old as the porn actors, which has given me a new perspective on the kinds of people who are being manipulated to perform in the porn industry... I don't want to support that.

I also have social anxiety whenever faced with an attractive person. I feel like I've just seen a video with him or her in it, and that is uncomfortable so I get nervous... almost like I'm going to get caught. The fear of being found out, especially for the gay porn, adds a lot of anxiety to my life that doesn't need to be there.

Lastly, I have two young children who have no idea this is going on. I fear the day that one of them walks in on a PMO session. This has to end. I sought out counseling to deal with this issue and my counselor turned me onto this site.

I am going to try a hard reboot to solve this problem. I want porn out of my life for good... the problem is that I'm fighting the other side of me that is always plotting my next fix. I'm like a heroin addict, only my heroin is porn.

Deleted Account · Jun 15, 2018

Motivation is key, look at these questions
1.Why do you want to quit porn?
2.What effect has it had on your life?
Now write down your answers to them put them were you can see it daily and review them daily it will help a lot with motivation

Deleted Account · Jun 16, 2018

foptastic said: ↑

I started the PMO cycle when I was only 12 years old. 31 years later, it has created an unnecessary burden on my family. Even though I am straight, I have drifted into gay porn as straight porn stopped doing it for me. I'm also disgusted by the fact that most porn actors are 20 years younger than I am. When I started, they were all older than me.

The worst part is that PIED has set in, and this has had a constant negative impact on my relationship with my wife. I have an amazing and supportive wife who accepts my addiction even though it causes her great emotional harm and has made it impossible for us to function in the bedroom.

I have nieces and nephews that are as old as the porn actors, which has given me a new perspective on the kinds of people who are being manipulated to perform in the porn industry... I don't want to support that.

I also have social anxiety whenever faced with an attractive person. I feel like I've just seen a video with him or her in it, and that is uncomfortable so I get nervous... almost like I'm going to get caught. The fear of being found out, especially for the gay porn, adds a lot of anxiety to my life that doesn't need to be there.

Lastly, I have two young children who have no idea this is going on. I fear the day that one of them walks in on a PMO session. This has to end. I sought out counseling to deal with this issue and my counselor turned me onto this site.

I am going to try a hard reboot to solve this problem. I want porn out of my life for good... the problem is that I'm fighting the other side of me that is always plotting my next fix. I'm like a heroin addict, only my heroin is porn.
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Hi. Welcome to forum!

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!

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31 Years is Enough

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