19 Days in..Tough

Hey everybody...

This is my first post, I've started the NoFap challenge and...damn....Today is a tough day. I've been using p since I was 16 or so and I'm now 38. I've been realizing lately how much it distorts my day to day, clouds my emotions etc. It's been a long road to get here and I would really like to hit the 90 day challenge.

I've been feeling pretty depressed lately, kinda up and down. But I know that part of this challenge would bring this stuff up, because p is a way to bury all those emotions you don't want to deal with. I do some contract work and it's been a little slow so I'm a little freaked out. I usually always end up getting work, but I worry. That combined with the NoFap challenge is rough.

But I'm really determined to take the high road here and come out ahead.

JDF

 

Ya I hear ya..Thanks for the encouragement. It's very weird when you get rid of that comfort. I almost have these kind of ghost pains lately. Like "Usually by now I'm feeling like shit from PMOing" Just being able to wake up and not have that regret on my mind is a gift.

Also I'm religious (warning) and I read this passage in my inbox: "you have not passed this way before" The basic idea being that God can take you out of your comfort zone and push you to new heights. It felt relevant to my current struggle so I'm sticking to it.

 

Just checking in today. I do feel better today, not so dire.

I did have sex with my girlfriend last night, which was a very different experience since I haven't PMO'd or MO'd. Kinda awesome.

Just still taking it day by day, I know this addiction can be sneaky. Thanks everybody for your support.

-JDF

 

Checking in again today.

I went out last night and had some drinks and saw a movie with my gf.

I could feel the urge to PMO after having some drinks. (I've had past experiences when drinking has led to many instances of PMO)

Anyway, just going day by day here, staying positive and keeping my eye on victory.

-JDF

 

Alright, checkin in here.

Still waiting for some work to come through, which is frustrating. Frustration can lead to PMOing but I've held tight.

I think I've always had a difficult time with having faith in things. Such as if I have work not coming through right away I tend to swing to the "It's not going to work out ever".

I think a lot of this has to do with how I respond in times when things aren't going my way. PMOing very much used to be a way for me to deal with that, in reality it got me no where.

Anyway, going to stay positive and focus on victory..

-JDF

 

Checking in here..

Feelin a little crap this morning but not too bad. Went and saw my therapist last night. Who I haven't actually seen in a while since I started NoFap.

Basically I feel like the thing I'm dealing with here is a little more boredom. In a sense it's like I'm seeing things a little more like the way they are, not masking it with fapping.

This gap in my work has me anxious but I think it's definitely heightened because of my NoFap. Like I've had gaps before but now I'm actually experiencing it.

In the grand scheme I don't think it's a big deal, it just feels like it is for some reason. I just have to be ok with the idea that things don't have to be hitting on all cylinders all the time.

 

Hey all,

Almost hitting 30 days here of no PMOing, getting stoked.

I was really tripping about work and finally something came thru. The world wasn't going to fall apart imagine that. Just got to work on having faith with things unseen.

Keep up the good fight folks..

 

Alright, made it to 30.

Last week was probably my hardest week yet. My work picked up so that is helpful.

Here's something I've found with the addiction: it's sneaky.

You will have urges when your happy, sad, bored. excited, tired etc. I think the key for me lately is to not bargain with it in any way. Don't reward myself for doing good by PMOing.

Just basically don't give myself any excuse to fap. Embrace the pain and grow from it. Know how to be comfortable in periods of anxiety, anger etc. Use it to your advantage..

Don't try and change the situation let the situation change you..

Keep up the good fight friends..

JDF

 

Looks like you got it figured out JoeinMD, keep up the good fight sir!

 

Hey Folks,

Just checking in.. almost hitting 40! Since no PMOing...

Kind of feeling a general depression, nothing really bad just a low level moody feeling. It's less of an up and down and more of a slow rise.

I haven't really stuck to the "hard 90" I've mo'd a couple of times. But in general I do agree that total abstinence would be the way to go, otherwise it does slow down recovery a bit.

Regardless, I'm going to keep up the good fight. This is the longest I've gone without porn in, i dunno, 20 years? That's just crazy...

Going to keep up the good fight and staying positive...it's a good day.

JDF

 

Ya I could, I think I'm using the right counter though. PMOing is watching P, Ming to O.

Otherwise I could post an additional counter saying...I haven't MO'd for x amount of days...