18 year old battling porn addiction

I am an 18 year old heterosexual white male that is trying to quit PMO. I am senior in high school, but I mostly take college classes at the local college. I am very good student and a swimmer. I am not lonely and have friends, but none are struggling with the same issue although they also watch P. (perhaps some also have this addiction, but simply don't care)
I just joined this community today after a very regretful relapse yesterday. I have done all the research about this topic and read many nofap stories, but what I currently need is encouragement and support from others with the same problem. I didn't tell my parents about this addiction because they would be very disappointed, especially since they always expect the best of me and are strict.

NOTICE: this is a long story.

So like many others my addiction started with me looking up pictures of naked women when I was 12 during the summer before going into 7th grade. After a couple of days a told a friend on the swim team who was about 2 years older about it and he told me about that one site all of us know. I watched it all summer until the fall when school started and our internet became limited. So, 8 months later we got unlimited internet and I again started watching P. So I continued watching several basic genres such as regular P, lesbian, milf, incest, and sometimes hentai, until I got bored of them at about the age of 14 and 7/8 months. Now going back to that older friend and that summer when I was 12 and first discovered P, his brother (who became my former best friend ,we are the same age) told me about how his older brother got caught watching transwoman P by his dad by looking at the browser history. I didn't know what it was at the time and was like wtf is this so I went home and search it up on the P site. Well, my first reaction was surprise followed by disgust and I turned it off and didn't look at it again until the spring of 8th grade when I was 14. I would watch it sometimes but mostly stuck to my usual P until it really became boring and I started escalating to watching transgendered people during november of 2015 of my freshman year in high school. I knew I wasn't gay but something kept bringing me back to watch it. So when I joined a new swim club which required me to car pool with my former best friend, his uncle reignited my religious feelings that I've lost at about the age of 10. After some thought I concluded that Satan was manipulating me into watching transgendered people so in the beginning of June 2016 (15 yo) I decided to quit P all together. Also, my PIED started to progress which is another reason I decided to quit. Although I quit P I still MOed to instagram models.
So jumping to may of 2017 I was trying to quit MO when I friend of mine said oh if you don't fap you have a higher risk of prostate cancer and he also encouraged me to again watch P. Well, my dumbass listened to him and I started watching it again. I again started with vanilla genres and watched P only once in 2 or 3 months until November when it started to become more often. Then comes summer 2018 and I am going to the gym coming home sometimes PMOing to vanilla stuff, but one night when I was watching youtube I saw a video pop up about thailand nightlife, I clicked it and eventually saw some ladyboys. I wasn't really aroused, but when I searched up thailand nightlife the next day then there was a specific video regarding ladyboys. They flirted with this one dude and acted really slutty which aroused me. About a week later I decided to go look at the transgendered person section of the site and I immediately was disgusted and closed it. However, the arousal I felt when they flirted with that guy on YouTube subconsciously bugged me and in October I quickly peeked in that section again before being disgusted. Now jump to December of 2018 and now vanilla is too boring for me and I went to the transgendered person section, I looked but didn't click on any video because I was disgusted and then i went back and PMOed to straight stuff. So then I started searching why this is the cause I tried to look to God but knew that he gave men free will and that I myself needed to find a cure. While looking most of the sites just told me to embrace this fetish and one even had pics which I MOed to. Finally I found what I was looking for and it was a video on YouTube by Noah Church, who is an inspirational blogger who used to be a porn addict and now helps out others. From there I started my research and found out about the dopamine addiction and how pornographic material gets more extreme over time. So somehow I managed to go 24 days without PMOing but excessive edging finally got me. Then I tried another 7 days but relapsed to transgendered person ig pics. Week later, yestersay I watched transgendered person porn which gave me that dopamine kick but made me feel like shit. I slept bad and my brain felt overstimulated. I have slight PIED but not anywhere near what it was when I was 15 and quit.

I have had good friendships with girls and some I asked out, but was unfortunately unsuccessful due to outside reasons (not PMO). Also, my school doesn't really have too many girls that are smart and decent looking so I am sort of out of luck. I do not think that I should pursue a relationship with someone less intelligent because I don't feel compatible with them even if they're pretty. I am virgin and currently I am too busy with school to pursue a relationship, but would like to get sexual experience. However, this is not the reason I want to stop PMO because I've read stories of other users and I don't want this addiction to take over my life like it did for them. Also, I do not want to ever meet a transsexual because I view them as men with severe psychological issues (my personal views not meant to offend anyone) and if I have sexual contact with them I KNOW I WILL REGRET IT for the rest of my life. Like I said, I would like some encouragement and support from other members so I can finally finish this addiction off for good.

 

Thanks man, I hope you the best of luck as well and it is good you became aware of this addiction much earlier than me. When you say hypno videos are those the sissy hypnosis that many people are hooked on?

 

Man from what I've read about sissy porn I hear it is a lot worse than transgendered person. Just start your recovery immediately before you start having thoughts of becoming one which has happened to other guys. Currently I just finished my 2nd day, was busy with school and had a swim meet. However, the urges come usually on the weekend at night which is when I relapsed the last two times. Even if I'm busy the whole day it can happen. So I just need to control that better. I told my best friend today about the addiction and told him to quit now before getting into more extreme genres. He watched BDSM before but hasn't watched it in a year so I told he needs to stop now before it gets worse like it did for me.

 

thanks for the advice, but I already have noted that it is one of the things that messed me up

 

The funny thing is in October I had no ED and now I got it back from escalating with porn.

 

So, this is my day five and I have no desire to look at porn. However, yesterday I went out to Wendy's with a bunch of friends and this one girl was acting really slutty which made me horny (I don't like her though). I now have an urge to MO but I know I gotta stay strong.

 

Thanks for the support.

 

Just reading and being envy that you've raised this consciousness level at your age .Live your life .Don't fall Into that P-Trap.Doesnt matter how sweet it's in the beginning it gets sour real quick. Wish you all the Best.more days more yays(willpower)#stay strong

 

Dankeschön. Ich kenne ein bisschen Deutsch.

 

Bitteschön .

 

So, last night or should I say at 4 am this morning I had a wet dream. I don't know if it should be counted as a relapse due to this small porn element. This is how it went:

So I am dreaming and this screen with P website pops up. There are two different vids, one with a blond girl and the other with a petite brunette, but there's no guy in the video. I click on the first one and realize I am the guy having sex. So I finish off the blond girl and move on to the brunette one or should I say the next video. This time around I am also having sex and I cum four times. After I cummed the fourth time I woke up because I was actually cumming in real life (cummed only once).

I was fighting to stop this dream as it was happening, this was my first wet dream, and also the first I ejaculated without stimulating myself. However, the fact that I had to click on my phone screen to have sex with these girls bothers me. Should I count this as a relapse? (btw I don't think it's related to webcam because I haven't watched it in years)

 

So should I count this as a relapse or not?