18 year old battling porn addiction

Deleted Account · Feb 15, 2019

Oh btw guys when I said I was having sex with these girls, I wasn't viewing myself from a screen, but rather from first person. So, maybe performing in my sleep is a step towards getting rid of this.

Deleted Account · Feb 16, 2019

porsche4life said: ↑

I am an 18 year old heterosexual white male that is trying to quit PMO. I am senior in high school, but I mostly take college classes at the local college. I am very good student and a swimmer. I am not lonely and have friends, but none are struggling with the same issue although they also watch P. (perhaps some also have this addiction, but simply don't care)
I just joined this community today after a very regretful relapse yesterday. I have done all the research about this topic and read many nofap stories, but what I currently need is encouragement and support from others with the same problem. I didn't tell my parents about this addiction because they would be very disappointed, especially since they always expect the best of me and are strict.

NOTICE: this is a long story.

So like many others my addiction started with me looking up pictures of naked women when I was 12 during the summer before going into 7th grade. After a couple of days a told a friend on the swim team who was about 2 years older about it and he told me about that one site all of us know. I watched it all summer until the fall when school started and our internet became limited. So, 8 months later we got unlimited internet and I again started watching P. So I continued watching several basic genres such as regular P, lesbian, milf, incest, and sometimes hentai, until I got bored of them at about the age of 14 and 7/8 months. Now going back to that older friend and that summer when I was 12 and first discovered P, his brother (who became my former best friend ,we are the same age) told me about how his older brother got caught watching transwoman P by his dad by looking at the browser history. I didn't know what it was at the time and was like wtf is this so I went home and search it up on the P site. Well, my first reaction was surprise followed by disgust and I turned it off and didn't look at it again until the spring of 8th grade when I was 14. I would watch it sometimes but mostly stuck to my usual P until it really became boring and I started escalating to watching transgendered people during november of 2015 of my freshman year in high school. I knew I wasn't gay but something kept bringing me back to watch it. So when I joined a new swim club which required me to car pool with my former best friend, his uncle reignited my religious feelings that I've lost at about the age of 10. After some thought I concluded that Satan was manipulating me into watching transgendered people so in the beginning of June 2016 (15 yo) I decided to quit P all together. Also, my PIED started to progress which is another reason I decided to quit. Although I quit P I still MOed to instagram models.
So jumping to may of 2017 I was trying to quit MO when I friend of mine said oh if you don't fap you have a higher risk of prostate cancer and he also encouraged me to again watch P. Well, my dumbass listened to him and I started watching it again. I again started with vanilla genres and watched P only once in 2 or 3 months until November when it started to become more often. Then comes summer 2018 and I am going to the gym coming home sometimes PMOing to vanilla stuff, but one night when I was watching youtube I saw a video pop up about thailand nightlife, I clicked it and eventually saw some ladyboys. I wasn't really aroused, but when I searched up thailand nightlife the next day then there was a specific video regarding ladyboys. They flirted with this one dude and acted really slutty which aroused me. About a week later I decided to go look at the transgendered person section of the site and I immediately was disgusted and closed it. However, the arousal I felt when they flirted with that guy on YouTube subconsciously bugged me and in October I quickly peeked in that section again before being disgusted. Now jump to December of 2018 and now vanilla is too boring for me and I went to the transgendered person section, I looked but didn't click on any video because I was disgusted and then i went back and PMOed to straight stuff. So then I started searching why this is the cause I tried to look to God but knew that he gave men free will and that I myself needed to find a cure. While looking most of the sites just told me to embrace this fetish and one even had pics which I MOed to. Finally I found what I was looking for and it was a video on YouTube by Noah Church, who is an inspirational blogger who used to be a porn addict and now helps out others. From there I started my research and found out about the dopamine addiction and how pornographic material gets more extreme over time. So somehow I managed to go 24 days without PMOing but excessive edging finally got me. Then I tried another 7 days but relapsed to transgendered person ig pics. Week later, yestersay I watched transgendered person porn which gave me that dopamine kick but made me feel like shit. I slept bad and my brain felt overstimulated. I have slight PIED but not anywhere near what it was when I was 15 and quit.

I have had good friendships with girls and some I asked out, but was unfortunately unsuccessful due to outside reasons (not PMO). Also, my school doesn't really have too many girls that are smart and decent looking so I am sort of out of luck. I do not think that I should pursue a relationship with someone less intelligent because I don't feel compatible with them even if they're pretty. I am virgin and currently I am too busy with school to pursue a relationship, but would like to get sexual experience. However, this is not the reason I want to stop PMO because I've read stories of other users and I don't want this addiction to take over my life like it did for them. Also, I do not want to ever meet a transsexual because I view them as men with severe psychological issues (my personal views not meant to offend anyone) and if I have sexual contact with them I KNOW I WILL REGRET IT for the rest of my life. Like I said, I would like some encouragement and support from other members so I can finally finish this addiction off for good.
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It might be harder for you because you are only 18 years old, but you have read my story, you know what could lay ahead. It is easy for me now, because I'm tired, because I need to live life now, I simply can't keep that shameful loser life going on, but you might not have the insight to generate the necessary strong mindset around this to kick it off your life. Well, listen to me, we are but the result of the choices we make, your current self is just who you brought yourself to be, and your future self depends on the choices you make every damn moment. It's never late to start making good decisions, especially for you, being so young. So you should really take this train, make the good choice, quit porn. I know you don't want to think of yourself as a 26 years old masturbating to other people having sex in the darkness of your room. And it's even worse if you've got a couple and you do that, not appreciating that especial person who gives herself to you.
Build today the man that you'll be tomorrow.

Deleted Account · Feb 16, 2019

I'mJustAChoice said: ↑

It might be harder for you because you are only 18 years old, but you have read my story, you know what could lay ahead. It is easy for me now, because I'm tired, because I need to live life now, I simply can't keep that shameful loser life going on, but you might not have the insight to generate the necessary strong mindset around this to kick it off your life. Well, listen to me, we are but the result of the choices we make, your current self is just who you brought yourself to be, and your future self depends on the choices you make every damn moment. It's never late to start making good decisions, especially for you, being so young. So you should really take this train, make the good choice, quit porn. I know you don't want to think of yourself as a 26 years old masturbating to other people having sex in the darkness of your room. And it's even worse if you've got a couple and you do that, not appreciating that especial person who gives herself to you.
Build today the man that you'll be tomorrow.
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Thanks a lot man, I quit once I can do it again.

Deleted Account · Feb 19, 2019

Day 10. Currently experiencing a withdrawal headache. I got a flatline yesterday night, but I might not have it anymore. I can't tell though because I'm extremely tired due to the headache.

Deleted Account · Feb 24, 2019

Day 15, I've been so vulnerable this entire weekend to relapsing even if I kept myself busy and was extremely tired. Right now my brain is trying to grip to the dying pathways, but I need to stay strong. SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!!!

Deleted Account · Mar 1, 2019

So, it's day 20 I'm in a flatline, but I still have some urges. Today at lunch I got incest ideas stuck in my head and I thought of what if I had sister what dirty deeds could we do together, but immediately tried to stop because I knew was porn induced. The reason this fantasy didn't arouse me though was probably because I'm in a flatline, but I definitely had an urge to masturbate which I quickly put down.

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18 year old battling porn addiction

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