Day 26 Nothing much to say. Did some bench presses. Tried to join a volleyball tournament. Played for 30 minutes with a few people. Got rejected when trying to get their Facebook. The whole Volleyball tournament was risky since I went alone and without a team. The girls on the team seemed to be happy with me joining but the guys blew me out completely. I will take a haircut on Thursday. I look way too intimidating with my beard, shoulder long hair and 113kg.
Day 27 Been to the gym today. I notice that I am about to develop a gym addiction which I consider a good thing. I did some squats, some abs workout, bicep curls and military presses. I overheard three girls next to me talking about how when in high school, all the guys at the gym would put on a bunch of light weights and do really fast repetitions to look cool but the weights weren't actually that heavy. One of them proceeded to say "And here, some people bench my body weight like it was nothing". They were obviously talking about me since I was the only one doing presses. It feels pretty cool that girls are sort of checking me out in the gym. They never approach me but some of them seem to frequent the gym to look at guys. I think the fact that I am hitting the gym every single day dramatically increases my odds of having success with women. I should probably hit some of them up if they check me out like this. It is a breach of the social norm and it could backfire but I am considering at least offering a "Hi". My scale showed 112.9kg today which means I am steadily loosing fat. I went to the physio therapist and my neck feels temporarily better. I also found a really nice technique which made me breathe a little better. The student pub opens up again today. I dont think I am going because it would mess with my sleep schedule (havent decided yet) but I am starting to really crave social interactions. I am looking for new events daily on Facebook. After the gym today I have been a bit fatigued. I fasted for 18 hours. It is my 14th day in a row at the gym but I dont feel sore anywhere at all. I just cant wait to get another pump in most days. It is probably not normal but I have a theory that Nofap catalyses my gym gains. I am not doing a lot at once. Normally I do just one exercise but I am currently increasing my work load. Instead of training each muscle once a week, I do it 2-3 times a week. I may take a couple days off eventually. But it is fun having a gym streak going.
Day 28 I went to the student party yesterday. It was okay. Got a little drunk. My best period was the first hour or so where it wasnt too loud to hear people talking. I went around talking to mostly everyone. A few drinks in and when they turned up the volume a ton, I lost my ability to communicate. I ended up mostly observing people for the rest of the night. Interacted a little here and there. I didnt expect that I would be able to hit on girls left and right the first night out. Still I was a little sexually frustrated when I got back home and in a poor mindset. The emotional downswing after drinking made it a closer call than I would like. I surfed trough the urges again but I could have avoided them completely by not drinking. Some of the urges stayed until today also. I will be careful with the drinking from here on out. I dont need it. I dont really enjoy myself when I am drunk and I am unable to effectively communicate which is sort of the purpose with me hitting the club in the first place. I want to train my social skills. Did work out again today. 110kg deadlifts and 20 leg raises for my abs. I might take a few days off from the gym soon. 15 days in a row is a lot. I need to pay attention to small opportunities of interacting with people on my day to day commute. Today two girls took the spot right next to me at the gym. They did some really sus stretches and I almost bumped into them as I was moving plates. I probably should have interacted with them. I would consider even just a few words a successful interaction at this stage. I did say hi to a cute girl on my way home. She was petting my cat. She didnt reply. I am going to an outdoors even tonight. I think that may be an event that suits me a little better. I also registered to a sleepover in the woods with the hiking group this weekend. Just doing everything I can to get my social life kicked off. Been meditating once today. I didnt really feel like meditating but surprisingly I got pretty deep. Somewhere close to "the threshold" which is that place where I feel like my body dissolves and all I am is pure consciousness.
Day 28 I went on an event today called international bat night. We went out in the woods and identified bats hunting bugs. We saw and heard at least 4 different species. It was pretty cool. Pretty silent tour and I really felt the majesty of nature. The group was quite large, I counted over 30 people. Maybe 90% women for some reason. I chatted with almost all of them. I consider myself an introvert but I started off talking to one group and figured out that one of the girls are probably in my class. She was relatively quick to tell me that she has a boyfriend. Maybe my vibe was that obvious. I dont know. I pretended I didnt care and actually I didnt care that much since I didnt really know her. The thing is that I just made it my mission to chat with as many as possible. My voice is deeper than usual and I have a larger range of emotions when I talk. I also have this nice crisp every once in a while when I talk about something exiting. Tonight's event were really the type of event where I can mingle. I didnt use any creative pick up artist technique's or anything and honestly I dont think there is a lot to the whole pick up artist thing. With nofap, you dont need techniques. The drive just is there and I notice it more and more. My questions were pretty standard. Just an excuse to talk to people really. I asked them what they do in my natural deep voice. They gave me an answer I could work on for the most part. I asked something personal and tried to find any common interests to talk about. We were all watching bats in the middle of nowhere so we all had pretty similar interests. I talked to a pretty latina about an hour into the hike. She had given me a couple smiles and was standing close. She also seemed to be there alone so I asked her what she was doing. Turned out she was done with her masters in Biotechnology and was looking for a job. Chatted a little back and forth until I thought I offended her with my rusty social skills. About an hour later I sat down on a tree stub. I was talking to a Swedish girl and an American. The conversation was going okay but they seemed medium interested in what I had to say. No way to tell though since I am not a mind reader. I think a lot of people are just a little shy. The latina sat down next to me. Not super close but I thought it was probably not a coincidence since there was plenty of space elsewhere. I started talking to her again and she was responding with more enthusiasm. We ended up talking about Dracula and the mythology around him. Then we talked about South America and nature. That was towards the end of the tour. We went each to our own. I will probably never meet her again. But I got a nice confidence boost this evening. And I honestly never thought that she would be interested in chatting. Most of the people there wasnt that interested in chatting actually but when you say something like "Hi, whats your story?" to 10 random strangers at international bat night, at least one will enjoy talking to you. I truly believe now that if I repeat this with 100 more people that things will start to happen.
Day 30 I went on a trip with the hiking group yesterday. We were supposed to sleep in hammocks in the woods. It was raining heavily and I honestly didnt expect anyone to show up. I think we were about 15 people. I started talking to people right away at the meeting location. I had several good conversations. I talked a bit with a German girl. Probably for half an hour or so. I asked her what made her come to my country. She told me she loves Norway and have been on vacations here all here life and that she wanted to move here eventually. We small talked about a few different topics. She eventually asked me about my age and I told her (31). She told me she was 10 years younger than me. I correctly guessed 21. I had another conversation with two Danish girls. They didnt understand me at first so I talked a little slower. I understand Danish quite well. We talked for hours. I went back home at around 10 pm. It was a great evening out in the rain. Many of the girls seemed to give off clues that they were into me. I didnt talk properly with everyone but I dont think it will be the last time I see them around. I walked 9000 steps yesterday. My weight is at 112.2kg. Down 5.8kg since I started. I have started to track my weight each day and plotting it into my habit tracker. It is satisfying to see how performing my habits regularly compounds. I had a lot of urges when I got back home yesterday. I got trough it. It continued a little today although not as bad. The physical urges are stronger than ever but I have a lot of mental resilience. I have some vivid fantasy from time to time. All it takes is a second and I am triggered. Feels a little like I am going to explode sometimes but as long as I dont touch, the urges cant do much.
Day 31 It has been a calm day. I have been journaling a little and did over an hour of chores. I have updated my habit tracker with slightly more ambitious goals than the previous week. All the crosses during the first week is because I was getting used to the tracking and messed up quite a bit. My tracking skills improved the second week and I overshot most of my goals. I am now starting on my third week. I have already printed out a new spreadsheet for next week with a couple more habits to implement.
Day 34 Just counting down to school is starting up again at this point. I went to the club yesterday. It was a relatively slow night out. I talked to around 10 girls over the course of the night. Today I had a short interaction with two girls at the gym. I have been cleaning my apartment the last couple of days and it is looking nice and clean now. I am going to send out a few messages to friends and give them an open invitation to visit. My weight is at 111.4kg and I notice that some of my shorts are starting to sit a little loose. I probably need to go down a size soon. I am in a nice flow with working on my business. Currently on a 3-day streak. I do not intend to skip no matter the circumstances. It is high up on my list of priorities, right behind meditation and working out.
Day 35 Had some strong urges today but I snapped out of it and hit the gym instead. Another day done. I have meditated twice today for about 1 hour in total. I am really thinking about cold approaching some women while out walking. So far my conclusion is that I dont know if I can do it. That is on the street. It is the ultimate challenge to stop women dead in their tracks and convey that I am interested. I will attempt it soon but it will be nerve wrecking. School is starting up again in 4 days. I will have an easier time socializing there. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself here but I really want to overcome every trace of social anxiety. It requires me to be very alert as well. I usually wont have more than a split second to decide whether to approach someone or let it go.
Day 36: Relapsed. I have been putting too much pressure on myself the last few days and didnt listen to the warning signs. I started beating myself up for not having the courage to start talking to complete strangers on the street. I allowed my mindset to gradually weaken over several days without doing anything to fix it. I will continue as if nothing happened. That is the best ay forward. Focus on continuing my self improvement journey and not cancel any plans in the upcoming days. I will print out a spreadsheet for September and do my best to only have this one down day this month. I will start taking cold showers daily as an extra measure.
