0 peekings in 90 days. Let's do this.

Hello everyone, I just relapsed. I thought I wouldn't regret and guess what. I regretted it (surprise).

Half an hour ago I read my list of all the things I would win if I stopped watching P, things that with long streaks I have gained and I've transformed in an ultra-version of me: super high energy, strong confidence, charisma, much more happiness, brain at almost maximum capacity (attention, intelligence, creativity and more)...

I read this list and I RELAPSED. Why is that? Well, I did some peekings this week, but specially today, and the key is that once you peek, you're done. That peeking will lead to another future peeking, and more intense than the previous one.

And without realising, you're trapped.

No matter how many "benefits" you read about how you can improve. It's too late.

I usually say to me: "It all boils down to 10 seconds of pleasure. It's not worth it. And then, the negative "symptoms" for days. Don't do it." This usually helps, but when you are trapped, you're trapped for good. What I mean is:


Peeking is the freaking key in my case. Peeking is the smallest movement towards disaster. It's like that smallest piece falling and pushing bigger and bigger pieces.


A month ago, I made a pact with myself. I would count the days without a single peeking, or I would reset the counter. Strangely, that was the easiest 20 days streak that I achieved by far.
Then I relapsed because I had difficult times on work and my social life.



I relapsed on:
- 21 of December 2023
- 11 and 12 of January 2024
- 20 of January 2024.

I want this one to be the definitive one. I want to tell you my progress here. I tried this once before with a different account, but I had to delete it because I thought its anonymity was compromised.

I'm not going to use it daily. I will only tell you what I think it's important or relevant in my path, and I hope it helps you too

I wish you all the best. Let's eliminate the peeking for good, guys.

 

Just like you said, man... You think you will be fine and you will stop escalating, but it's the opposite. You have escalated with a simple peeking of seconds, and the next step it's easier to reach, and so on.

Mind is only looking for those 10 seconds of pleasure in the end. Because peeking without "O" or pleasure, is almost torture to me.

I hope we can eliminate that silly act and and let 2024 be our year.

By the way, I'm feeling a bit 'brain fogged' because of the relapse, and less energy. It's time to return to the meditation to mitigate this...

 

That is a good advice, but because of my work it's difficult to limit it . However I have reached very long streaks practically using my PC all day, I think it's totally possible when the commitment is strong and you don't fall into 'innocent' peekings.

 

Amazing text (the first post of the discussion I mean). We are not much aware of that dopamine rush with a little of fantasizing, but it's true that it has to rise however small. I will practice it and I hope it works. Thank you!
(I tried to reply your message but it didn't allow it, don't know why)

 

Everything is good in relation to the recovering in these 4 days. The previous long streaks made their job and I recovered the energy, wellbeing and confidence in 2 days more or less.
No cravings for now, I try to block the thoughts of curiosity for new material, or the memories from past videos, and from time to time I try to think it's all a dopamine trick that blinds us from the super-benefits, and it's working to keep the door sealed.

 

I'm having serious cravings these 2 days, a week after the relapse, as always. What a real trap this dopamine thing is... And again, when I have the cravings, everything else doesn't matter and it's difficult to focus on my hobbies and enjoy.
But I have to, I won't allow to go back to the non-energy, apathy and mentally handicapped.

 

I wrote this on a different thread from this forum, I want it to have it here too:


Unfortunately, almost a year has past and I didn't recover yet... And I feel bad about that, life happens fast and I could have more than 300 days of "no PMO" by now. I just remembered these days that I saved your post, and I read it again and remembered all that I wanted for my life.

I think life is testing me on this. It's like my "life test", I feel it that way. Because no matter what I do to look for love, life won't let me have it.
It's like it's telling me: "You are not ready yet. You need to recover and be at your maximum. Then you'll find love."

I'm not wasting any more time. No matter how bad are those mental porn images/videos, I'm going to counterattack everytime with my wishes:

- That my body does not automatically overreact to sexual desire when I am with my future partner (I want to think much more about connection than sex, not wetting my underwear when I'm with her, eliminate premature ejaculation, etc.). To be in control in that sense. My last relationship broke into pieces because of this high sensitivity and my "handicapped" brain.

- I want to give up the sex I have known so far. To give up porn and masturbation and its symptoms of unhappiness, to give up that incomplete sex that I have never been able to enjoy. The only sex I would like to try is the sex I have when my brain is fully recovered and I do it with a feeling of union and love for my partner.

- To be at 100%, and this way to be able to maintain a love relationship without insecurities, enjoying and making my partner enjoy, and also really connecting emotionally with her.

- That in a few months my body and mind won't ask me for porn anymore.

- Be truly happy. As I was when I reached long streaks.

Thank you for inspiring me in these thoughts, JJackson. I hope I have relapsed for the last time. I will read this everyday.

 

Everything is going well, porn cravings are not that intense anymore, but the libido is there and pretty high I must say.

So what I mean is that I have almost no automatic mental fantasies, but when they occasionally show up, I automatically tell myself: "I DON'T WANT THAT". And I think about my previous broken love relationships, and that it was partly my fault, because I wasn't at my peek. This strengthens my resolve.

These days I feel A LOT of energy and motivation. This is how life should be.

Something funny: some days ago I dreamt that I was trying to peek on the PC, feeling no pleasure (I would have felt it and waked up), and it seemed like I had been dreaming about it for HOURS. My brain trying to get any possible dopamine and failing XD

 

Today is specially difficult. Libido is high, porn cravings are back and mind is playing tricks to peek. Before, I would think: "Well one peek won't hurt me much, it's not enough to give me enough symptoms immediately." That was true, but that peeking would lead to another and we all know the rest.

But that's not all. I have another counterattack now:

"This peeking of seconds WILL connect those neural pathways, I'll be taking steps backwards just in seconds, I'll keep having high sensitivity and I will unconsciously focus on sexual desire instead of connection."

I think it's working because I REALLY want that change in my life and because I'm forcing myself to be conscious of what is at stake. And if I don't peek, I'm out of danger.

 

Day 31:

Cravings are all around, but I don't care. I have made another 'pact' with myself: now that I have reached 31 days (and I have never reached more than 39 days) I won't peek in another 30 days.

I am seeing changes, like the sensitivity is smaller and like it's a bit more difficult to get excited when some mental images happen. Because of this, I can't wait to see what changes will bring when I reach 60 days. This is uncharted territory for me. My motivation is high because when I relapsed, I couldn't see changes in sensitivity and I would have to wait another 40 difficult days to see if I would lose sensitivity beyond that. I want to see what changes in energy, happiness and brain performance will occur too.

Now it's the time. 21st of March, here we go.

 

Day 36:

These days are hard. Sometimes I feel EXTREMELY horny, however I'm not falling because I'm aware of what happens at the end of those 10 seconds of pleasure: dissatisfaction, unhappiness, disabled brain and no control of me in my social relations.

But obviously the brain is telling me: "YEAH go peek, it's awesome, the pleasure is so high and you can collect all your favourite videos and feel the pleasure your entire life if you want". But that is SUCH a lie... The proof is that I've ALWAYS regretted it SECONDS later, seeing the trap behind it at that precise time, and understanding that I don't want to do it anymore (until next arousal comes up, of course).

I only want to feel good. I hope the brain rewires soon and the cravings disappear soon.

 

I have bad and good news. Bad: I peeked a bit yesterday and it affected me more than I could imagine. I had tachycardia even without feeling pleasure, drained part of my energy for the day and I have rested worse than most of the nights.

So that particular challenge '0 peekings in 90 days' is broken.

But I am starting to learn that the most important thing is that this thing STEALS our ENERGY with a single peek. And without energy, we are NOTHING. No happiness, no personality, no emotions, no movement, no dreams, no life.

Good news: changes are real. My penis is not overreacting and the pleasure has reduced. This was one of my main problems, I could feel pleasure sooo easily and highly that it was not healthy at all. Maybe it was because of something I heard about the 'dendrites'. And this change appeared after 30 days, if I stop doing the wrong thing until 90 days, it will be a huge step in my recovery.

Another great change: cravings are not that bad now. I peeked because I was fool and out of curiosity with something, but I have passed the period when I felt extremely horny. Maybe it will occur again, but I hope not.


Anyway, I have promised myself that, if I do another SLIGHTEST peeking, I'll reset the counter and I will tell about it here. This is the only way to recover and get serious about it.

Now it's time to not overthink about it, enjoy life, enjoy my passions, follow some dreams and connect with people.

I hope you guys are doing it great. Keep it up!

PD: Please future me, read this everytime.

 

One should not peek if one wants to remain happy and full of energy. Maybe you don't "MO" in the end, but anyway the damage in doing so is real... That is what I've realized.

The thing is that when you have an addiction, it's like you have another mind that only cares about dopamine. It doesn't care about the benefits and damage. And it usually wants to take control of the "main" mind. It will tell you to peek, and if you do so, it will be so much easier for it to take control totally.