Femdom/ts/humiliation Recovery

I just turned 18, and just felt like posting my Journay.

Started like everyone very young (12/13) a „friend“ showed me to it and jerked toghter, which he afterwards wanted to do it again.
I luckily declined because (im 90% sure of how he acted, he wanted more).

Then i started to Jerk daily, i was always known for being alone.
I didn‘t mind it, until it all just escalated i went so deep in the rebbithole, like texting strangers, hypno, femdom and basiclly every otherthing.

When i was 16? I realized how fucked up my mind is, when i was smoking weed with a friend and suddenly had these crazy/scary thoughts to do it with him.

I threw up after being so overwhelmed, also had an hardcore derealisation.

I really felt like going insane with the feeling of the derealisation and this fucked up Addiction, which took Control over me.

I realized how fucked up i am, and started going to Therapy and trying nofap.

I struggled so much and still to this day relapse and have these thoughts. But when i think about it, it’s been months (maybe years) i haven‘t watched These Crazy vids.

i just felt between all this sickness and shame, that this isin‘t right. And started putting myself first and cut all people off and just learn about myself, now im starting to feel being my „real“ self again.

Im still very afraid of relapses and ending up again in this downward spiral, i Need to stop living inside my head.

 

Try your best to keep yourself away from it. Try to make it as uncomfortable as possible. Its hard to make your brain understand which is really good for you, since it dosen‘t care about good or bad.

 

My Therapist said i should try watching „normal“ porn to try becoming aroused from Woman. But i tried today and all i do is picture me in a submissiv role. Its fucked up.