Why you can’t overcome your approach anxiety ? because you refuse to fail. Because you associate getting rejected with failure Embrace imperfection
I approached a woman on the street today. In a direct way. I was with 2 friends and I noticed you. I told her that with a big smile. She told me she was in a relationship. When a woman has a good reaction when I make a direct approach but she tells me she is in a relationship, I like to try to find out more about her relationship. I usually ask her how long she's been with her guy. That's what I told her, she told me it hadn't been long. But that she was a serious girl. I told her that it was good, that she had good values. This kind of compliment to a stranger, you can be sure that you're doing the women's day again, if it's sincere of course. After that, I continued the conversation. I asked her what she was doing. She told me she was going to a tattoo parlor. I told her about my addiction to sports ahah. The interaction was very fluid. At the end, she asked me for my instagram. There are 2 lessons to take away from this interaction. - When a girl tells you she's in a relationship, but reacts well to your approach, don't eject yourself. Try to find out more about the relationship. - Don't go against the girl. When she told me she was a serious girl. I completely accepted the fact that I was never going to see her again. I kept smiling and said to myself that it was okay to be interested in her and to ask her questions. This communicates a detachment. Between this very direct approach and this detached, caring behavior. Besides, she told me that I was very enterprising with her. I've been working on intention, detachment and caring for 4 years and this compliment really made me happy.
Something you can work on that keeps you from going out and talking to women, having relationships with them: Anxiety Approaching a woman without stress, having a drink with her without anxiety, being completely in the present, is possible. It takes work, but it is possible. And that's what makes it possible for you to be totally free to be you. Because all the blocks you may have are related to anxiety. You don't have a problem when you live in the present. How do you get to that point? Meditate. I'm not talking about meditating a few minutes a day, but several hours. Right now I meditate 4 hours a day and man, there’s a huge difference Eating clean. Working out 3x/week Doing these 3 things will give you confidence, energy and almost all your insecurities will disappear. At least it did for me. I don't claim to have the universal answer to dating, I just share my experience and what works for me.
I don't use guided meditation. No music. I just sit and watch what happens now. Whether it's inside me, and outside. If it rains I listen to the rain, if there are voices I listen to the voices. I put my attention on my breath. Meditation is just looking at what is happening now. It's terrible when you are used to having distractions. You feel like your life has no meaning. But if you're comfortable staying with yourself for an hour, doing nothing, just watching your breath, you can do anything
TINDER GUIDE Tinder should not replace meeting people in real life, but should be a bonus. There is nothing wrong with using tinder. On the contrary, I find that it adds diversification and you can meet women easily, without making too much effort. But having a good tinder profile does take effort. 1. the pictures On your first picture, you must smile. And your face should be visible. If possible, take a picture outside. The smile is the most important. The number of guys who do not smile. How do you want to make women want to meet you without smiling. It is impossible. No selfies, try to take pictures in different environments. Don't be afraid to put yourself in the best light. Show women that you take care of yourself. 2. The bio Add lightness to your description. Keep it short, describe what you want in a light tone. Mine is: Do you prefer the left or right side of the bed? 3. Your interests Tinder has set up fields to fill out to describe your interests, if you smoke, if you like sports. It's not for nothing. Don't say it in your bio, fill in these fields instead 4. Instagram It's always more reassuring for a woman to see that you have an instagram account, and that you have a life outside of tinder, with friends and activities. Connect your instagram account to your tinder account 5. How to approach a woman on tinder Super simple. No need to talk for weeks with her. No need to be original or find something interesting to say. Most of the time, you won't have anything to say except the truth. You think she's pretty and you want to go for a drink with her. That's it. I usually send something like: Hi, I'm looking for a cool girl to go for a drink this week, what do you say? Or something similar. But I never waste my time talking to a woman I may never see. I propose the date very quickly, usually after the 2nd or 3rd message. Your time is precious, don't waste it. You know what you want and where you want to go.
This is the best, most detailed and simple, and to the point guide for Tinder I’ve ever seen. On all the past dating apps I’ve tried, I only took selfies or a picture of myself in the mirror haha. I have no Instagram account either. Also, no Spotify account with music or anything like that. Also, most of my pictures were always just at my house. Also, I would send a lot of messages, wouldn’t get to the point of trying to meet up. Usually any matches I did get, the girl would either not respond, or she would delete the match very quickly Basically, my old profiles were pretty much exactly the things you say are not good to do here lol Maybe it’s time for me to get an Instagram and rejoin society and start having friends again. I guess girls feel more comfortable talking to a guy who is a stranger if he has friends and a social life besides the dating site, just like you said
Hey man, thanks for your feedback and honesty To share my experience, 2 years ago, I didn't have an instagram account. And when I created an account, my goal was to make friends, and meet people, without necessarily having women. It's very reassuring for a woman to know that you see people other than dates, and that you have a "normal" life. Approaching women in the street is not normal. Nobody does it. But if you are a normal person and you communicate that in your personality and through your social networks, then approaching women on the street becomes incredible. Meeting women in general becomes amazing, and much easier. Of course creating an account when you don't know anyone is very uncomfortable. People will see that you don't know anyone. But as you go along, if your goal is to make friends, you'll get there I've been wanting to share this tinder guide for a while. I also want to show that dating isn't just about talking to women. It's a set of things you can do to feel better about your life and to grow alongside it.
For sure, yea over time I could start accumulating friends and stuff, and make my social media accounts look better. With a focus on making friends, too. anyways, thanks again. Have a good day Spirituss
Thanks for sharing! Your posts are incredible. So generous and positive. Your desire to help others be free is wonderful and I'm interested and grateful to see your new comments. So if you don't have social media (like Instagram) and you approach women with a relaxed, warm energy, with an open heart and a clear mind, they will still not trust you?
hey man, thanks, it makes me happy to read that! I think not, it is not mandatory. I know guys who don't have instagram and are doing really well. But I think instagram is an amazing way to express yourself. When you approach a woman (who is in her 20s) and everything is going well, usually she asks for instagram. I don't think I've taken a number in a year. Approaching women on the street is not normal. Like I say no one does it, and women may find it weird. Even if you were great when you approached her. She goes home she's like ok this guy was cool but what else do I know about him? I just have his number. I'm not saying it doesn't work. But having an instagram account is a bonus. And it takes the pressure off. This girl is one of your friends and family on instagram. She'll see what everyone else sees. When you take the number, there can be unreasonable expectations. Even when you ask for the number, often in your tone, there are expectations. Because a phone number is associated with "let's meet for more." Instagram is a way to add normalcy into something abnormal. And that's the cheat code. You go up to this girl, tell her you like her, with a good attitude. And you take her Instagram. She didn't see it but not for a second did you communicate performance anxiety, from start to finish. She'll go home, she'll have had a good time with you. And moreover she will see that you have friends, that you do sports, that you take care of yourself. Who the fuck is this guy who approached me on the street. It's not just the guy who came to ask me for my number, he has a life on the side. He didn't come to take my number, but to meet me. That's the big difference.
It's been said but this does sound like one of the best guides out there! On one side, I don't like the idea of advertising my life on social media as a way of proving I have social skills. Whenever I try something new or get a beer with friends, there's never any posing for photographs. I find the app narcissistic and potentially addictive. However, I can see how women, being more social creatures, would appreciate somehow being able to gauge our social life. I could imagine with a certain mindset, one could add a small number of pictures each month without too much negative effect. I don't think tinder, or any social app, is ideal for meeting people. But I do like how we can get experience dating from it. And yes it's possible to meet a great girl, I have seen examples of good couples who met on these apps. I would like to add 3 things that helped my experiences from a NoFap recovery perspective. - Limiting time swiping in one session. Say for 5 minutes while you have your daily coffee. Otherwise, the novelty can be problematic for recovering porn addicts. - Put your phone on greyscale (should be somewhere in display or accessibility settings). I tried this for a few weeks and the more provocative pictures weren't as triggering. - If unsure about your pics, you can try photofeeler.com. It's free to use if you rate other's pics and get yours rated in return. Sometimes we need a bit of third party tough love to find out what we may be doing wrong. And you'll also see while rating pics, that plenty of women are not fashion and photography experts either!
Regarding money if it is important when dating, if the women wants long term relationship it is important. If you dont have money but a nice body, cool character they still might be interested but usually for sex but not long relationship. Some women do choose despite you having nothing to build together with you, they want sex with you, spend time with you and build future together. It seems you have very few women like this, that is my experience.
Thanks, Spirituss, very well explained! Now I can see it much better from the woman's point of view. Also good to know there are some guys who do okay without Instagram.
Telling your interest to a woman must come from strength, not from desperation. Imagine two guys: - one takes care of himself every day. He eats healthy, does sports, tries to be better every day while trying to be kind to himself. He overcomes his fears and tries to grow physically, mentally, spiritually. - The other guy doesn't really have a goal in life. He hasn't had a girlfriend in a long time. He only goes out on the street to have a relationship. These two guys are going to say to a woman in the street, exactly the same thing: I noticed you, I had to come and talk to you I can tell you that the perceived value, the attitude, the well-being will not be the same. One will say this sentence knowing that he can lose this woman, everything will be fine, he already works on himself to know how to live alone. He talks to this woman but he is already happy alone. So he can allow himself not to use any technique. Just being present with her, enjoying the moment and bringing good vibes. Nothing is forced. The other needs a relationship. He sees game only as a way to get results. It's like begging. And this need will be expressed both verbally and non-verbally. And women hate it. Because it's selfish. He's not going to talk to women to give and meet girls he likes, but for his own personal desire. That's why needy, overly nice guys are hated by women. Not because they are too nice. Kindness is a strength, only if it comes from the right place. But because behind this kindness lies a great need to be loved and receive attention. And when you get ghosted by a woman after a date, it's often because she perceived that you expected too much from her. Not because she is mean, or antipathetic. I want to take something from you, that's what you communicate without realizing it. Expressing interest in a woman is fine, even amazing. But you need to work more deeply on the relationship you have with yourself. If you are afraid of loneliness, explore loneliness instead of trying to avoid it and using women to fill that void. Otherwise, anything you say will not be perceived as authentic and coming from someone who has a good self-image. In the other case, you won't have to worry about "what to say". Because it will always be calibrated, and always in accordance with who you are. Another way to express this idea. You tell a woman you like her, but there's nothing behind it. You are already happy. Nothing more beautiful than that. And this is what creates fulfilling relationships
@Spirituss , like you said, it is about giving and taking, what value can you add to her life and vice versa, the least we men can do is, take good care of body and health, have goals you are working on, respect her, respect yourself. Show her what you can offer, if she is not satisfied with what you have to offer we gotta respect the woman choice and move on, keep improving yourself, untill you meet a woman who is satisfied with what you have acheived and the value that you can add to her life and vice versa.
I would like to add, please try to sleep consistent, with consistent I mean, if your body needs 7 hours per day, try to sleep 7 hours a day every day. Some need more some need less, find out for yourself how many hours your body really needs, don't force yourself to sleep 6 hours if you need 8 hours, thinking that by sleeping less you have more hours to do things. I made one mistake my whole life, I did not sleep consistent, kinda sleep deprived myself, forcing myself to sleep 6 hours, I need 7-8 hours of sleep, waking up always sleepy. Feeling tired and sleepy at work reguraly, feeling not good and stressed out. After changing this, wish I knew it earlier, I feel a lot better and enjoy work and life more. Sleeping consistent is important if you want to learn some new skills faster, good sleep helps with storing new information in your brain so you retain more information in the brain.
I approached a woman on the street today and got her number. I asked if she had instagram and she told me she wasn't into social networking which is pretty rare. I approached her in a direct way saying I noticed her while walking with friends. She asked me what I wanted with a smile. I told her I don't want anything, I just wanted to talk to you. Which is the verbal definition of "I don't need you but I want you". I didn't want her number, I wanted to meet her. Which laid a solid foundation to start the interaction. I don't remember exactly what I said next. It was pretty fluid. She was interested so in those cases the conversation is often easy to make. Right now I'm on top of my game so that plays a pretty big role. I sent her a message this evening. I said "hey it’s 'my name', that was cool Lets go for a drink next week if you are available " I still haven't an answer but anyway even if she doesn't answer me, with the ease I've acquired, I have no doubt I'll meet a woman in the next few days! Now I need to keep going
Update from yesterday She responded saying she was motivated and that I would tell her about the day. I am happy because she is very pretty. An approach in 3 weeks and a date. Approaching women on the street is really cool when you feel good about yourself. You become aware of the behaviors that women don't like and you allow yourself to not have those behaviors anymore, little by little. Women like men who assume they like a woman, but are already happy on their own. They don't like dependent guys who are afraid of losing her. It's a detail but in my message, if I had replaced the "if you are available" with "if you want", it would have changed a lot. Of course I didn't write this consciously. It was very quick, I don't think when I send the messages which proves that I give very little importance to the result. But at the same time, in my mind there is no doubt that I like her, she likes me, so why not skip the steps?
