(TRIGGER WARNING) I DRINK MY CUM, WATCH BESTIALITY, SUCK MY DICK ETC

thanks man I appreciate it.Dont get me wrong , I m not glad that anyone has to go through stuff like that ( unless they genuinely like it and are happy with it) nor do I wish it for anyone. But it is indeed a relief to know you are not alone. kindof Puts the shame to a rest.
and yes! I m giving up on porn, its just a tough drug to get rid off but I believe I ll make it this year.

 

This is something I ve come across so much time on LOA . Its so fucking true, tho simple as it sounds, controlling your mind is difficult and most people never even realise they are victim to their negative thoughts. I m trying to achieve it through meditation, hope I can. I did a short session today and tbh I just got frustrated at how much my thought wanders and gave up. Hopefully it gets better with time.

its okay man, no problem. XD

I spent the day out with friends, went out to watch the new king vs kong movie. Then spent the day out talking having fun. nofap is much easy when you are out and engaged. Its how much control you have when you are alone at home with an active internet that matters. (tho i dont belive that's not the best scenario at this stage but boy I wanna get there!)

 

ikr! I was feeling like shit at the time I wrote this. Now I feel much better tbh.

 

okay so an update, I should have actually written this yesterday but I just kept putting it off, so here goes.
I m on day 6 today, that means I got through the 3 day barrier that I ve been struggling with for a lot of time. so yay!

I had planned a reward for my 4th day, nothing fancy, just a day where I ll be making some flavor popcorn for myself and eating em on the rooftop. I had planned rewards for day 4, day 8, day 14 cause those are my barriers.
But I didn't reward myself yesterday, cause i did mess up a lil bit.
so on day 3 went well without major urges, I went out most of the day, my hs friends and I booked a turf and went out playing football, that was fun and refreshing. Spent a lot of time catching up with them and it felt great! As an added bonus we all went eating at a place which I used to go out often with my ex in the past. I ve read somewhere that after a breakup, its good to revisit those old places with some new people and refresh the memories so its no longer "our old place", and yep that works lol.
But I m not proud of day 4, I woke early morning, horny as hell and was I literally scratching pillows to keep myself from relapsing. I kept going back to sleep only to wake up later to struggle again. At some point I did something weird again.
I was lying on bed with an erection and as I looked out the open window I saw awesome moonlight. This is embarrassing af but In the past I have walked around nude in the moonlight outside the house at night. It must be the adrenaline rush, the feeling of being free with nature, and the kinkiness that's making me do it. Plus fantasizing I m doing it with a girl adds to the pile. but its always been an embarrassing feeling afterward, and it leaves me tensed thinking about if any neighbors saw it, maybe filmed it? my life would be ruined ofc! and most of the time I cant stop myself even tho I know what's coming afterward ( I must be some adrenaline junkie of sorts).

heesh its tough to say it out loud. This the first time I ve opened up about it anywhere!

Anyways, I saw the moonlight and I was reminded of what I used to do and out of habit I wanted to do it. I hadn't brushed so there's my excuse to sneak out of my room. so skip forward, I did strip down late night. I did touch my thing. That much I did. but luckily, maybe due to the fact that I ve been meditating for the past few days, I could snap into my senses and think of it rationally. I asked myself "What are you doing?? haven't you done this before? same place, same situations, and have you been happy later on? Look at yourself rn, arent you nothing more than a horny teen kid flashing in the night?? is that what you want for yourself? Dont you have to go running today morning? (I had made plans to go running in the morning with a friend), wont this cancel that plan? " and just like that I felt disgusted and got flaccid fast and went back to sleep.
I woke up early and went running and that was the best thing ever!! Oh man I love running in the morning, let me try to share a picture I took.

But.... the glorious morning led me to feel overly proud of myself that day, and tho I was fine and disciplined till 11 am I got lost in yt after that. Made the mistake of watching favourite science channels like kuzergat. I agree the content is well informative,but too much of anything is bad and it makes me lose focus and forget what is important to me currently. I did end up peeking at kinda arousing things on yt but luckily caught myself before seeing any nudes. afterwards I stopped yt but I was in a trance of till 5pm watching 3 movies ( two of them simultaneously- changing channels during ads). I liked both of the movies but I couldn't feel good about watching it cause I didnt earn it. Had I worked my ass of for a week and then watched a movie I would have felt good.
Hence I skipped my planned reward for that day and I ll do it on day 7. I plan to do a dopamine detox then, so it will perfectly align with making popcorns lol.

 

day 5 was good. No major urges. The day was unproductive tho. I had planned to study but stuff happened.
I spent the morning at a friends house after dropping of my bro for school, and later another few of my friends called up and we went for a movie that afternoon. I m bad at getting out of things like that. ( always a part of me wants to go tho I know it isn't the right time). It was an okay movie but we did catch up a lot in the evening.
On the bright side, one of those friends had recently got a puppy dog and I ve set him up to get me one too. I think nofap will be easy if I have a lil puppy to look after *fingers crossed*

oh and I must ask, staying out of watching porn is one thing, but what about irl triggers? there were a lot of hot girls at the cinema and I found myself staring inappropriately often.I feel pervy to do that plus I fear I might get urges from that and end up relapsing at home. Is this just a phase that will pass? or should I be more careful??

 

ik I pray I haven't done any damage yet. If so, I just will have to deal with it cause its the result of my own actions.

This is very handy indeed. And they've put it out more deeply-Its not just rl women but billboards, tv ads, magazines, it all adds up. I think I ll start training right away. Thank you for that.

and I did a lil search of my own and I found a funny idea that seems to work really well, It says to just imagine the hot girl farting and all the urges would fade away like 'poof' lol

 

LMAO!! Awesome advice haha

I'M DEAD!!

 

I appreciate it man! thanks! but mind ya, I m the kindof person that hears stuff like that and gets cocky, push my limits and relapse
I still havent rewarded myself lol, tho its cause I ve not got a chance to do so.