27/90 Looks like a lot of people dropped like flies today. There must be some kind of sun flare or something Here's a story that I think some might appreciate. I had some unbearable urges earlier, so I started singing in my house. The breathing that goes with singing is rejuvenating. I decided to go out to the gym, and got on the phone with my brother. I was thinking "cool, my brother can distract me from the urges." A little bit into the conversation, he called my faith a lie and ridiculed me for believing in Christ. Ouch. He hung up, and I was in my car, upset and angry. I had wanted to lean on him because I was thinking it would help with my urges. It left me feeling worse. I went into the gym, and I got onto a stairstepper next to a girl. I tried to say something to her, but she didnt respond. At this point, I felt rejected and lonely. I can be pretty sensitive. But in my head I was thinking "how dare she! I was just being friendly!" Then I wondered why she didnt respond. I thought maybe she gets hit on by a lot of men who have no class. I cringed at the thought, and told myself, "why do men have to be that way?? They are ruining it for guys like me who just want to TALK!" But then I had a voice in my head. It said "you didnt really want to just talk. You wanted her to make you feel better about yourself." I felt silly, because that was exactly what I was doing. Then I hear God say, "you should be leaning on me instead." He took my burden and made me light, and I'm excited to be sharing this. Just as he promised, He led me to Him.
Day 4/90, Praise God! The weekend is coming, wife out of town, when I usually struggle. Hope to stay strong this time. One day at a time.
75 days done...yesterday was a tough one, but I made it through and accepted the difficulties as part of the ongoing process of healing...it can be very hard work at times to let the urges be there without acting on them, and to accept our pain, but when we get to the other side of difficult urges without acting on them, man what a great feeling! Keep going, don’t give up, don’t ever give up!
Relapse yesterday! Working late on computer, a bit tired and that was enough to watch a photo, and then a video, and so on. 11 days for my first time in the challenge. Now aiming 20 days at least Re-start!
Day 8 of 90: Feeling better, got decent sleep and the pain in my privates is less severe so that's good I actually experience some pain when I masturbate from a testicular cyst on my left testicle(Don't ask me how it got there, no clue), that's partly why I want to give up this habit, that and it's just a bad habit from childhood I wouldn't mind growing out of Whenever I feel that aching I get anxious thinking maybe I relapse somehow but it's probably normal part of the process for me Have a nice day
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