Day 100: I failed. Worst day of my life

Hey, Man! Don't be so mad and suicidal! Take a moment and think about your life dude!! You are a human and we humans do struggle A LOT! I've been thinking about ending it all too, but man, seriously, why would I surrender this soon? We have tons and tons of moments to live still and we aren't even near to the half of our lives! Today it may seem like nothing is worth living for, but trust me, you will be fiiiiine, some of us are so sensitive and it leads to so much negative thoughts sometimes.

 

You don't even have to feel my words right now, I often do not feel courageous or fine or with hope either, but I give myself time to seek the feeling, and I always find it, and it will find you too, man.

 

Just re-think about everything that is happening to you right now, you might feel overwhelmed by the fear or the sadness, but if you look closely to the events that are happening to you right now, they are just a drop into the ocean, man.
Days are just days, they are a small tiny piece of what a whole life looks like, just say NO whenever you have these kind of thoughts, and allow yourself to see the rest of your life and to start healing your soul. It truly has to be worth it, we just gotta make the decision to keep living...

 

100 days is a phenomenal achievement by any standard and you should be proud of yourself. Relapse only equals failure if you let it. I've done 14, 45 and 90 something streaks and I've always regretted it, you feel shit now but remember how invincible you were at the peak of your streak? The energy, the confidence, it's still all there up for grabs, but you know as a fapstronaut it won't come easy, and that's why you do it. It's never too late to start again, and PIED isn't incurable. Look into alternative natural products to supplement your recovery, I take L-dopa daily to help with dopamine nourishment and libido, strong stuff. Ginseng and other natural products will also help with sexual function.

Stay strong bro, cos that's what us warriors do, we stand fast. Especially in the face of adversity, we say "FUCK YOU" to this stupid addiction and go at it again, and again. I know you can do it, you already proved it. I guarantee there is more success for you in the future, because you are part of NoFap, and I personally look forward to hearing about it.

 

Suicide or even thinking about is not a option! Think about it you already made it 100 days, and I still struggle to get even up to 20 days, and my record is only 18 days, but when I always fail I don't think about suicide, I always have the chance to learn from the relapse and then come back stronger, just try again and don't worry that you are still on day 0,1 or somewhere early day still, just be happy that you already made it to 100 days and you have the chance again to finally quit pmo

 

Suicide - a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It is for the weak, you made it 100+ days already which is very hard. You have accomplished something many cannot, so take solace in that, and NoFap on!

 

Good to hear from you, man. You scared the hell out of me when I read this post, don't ever do that again haha.

 

Well I can relate to this, at least up to a point, cause 7 years ago (after being single for 1,5 year and PMOing with a fanatical zeal) I entered my current relationship and encounter PIED.
I'll share the part of my story which I believe proves that patience and belief in the no-PMO effort will give you what you want sooner or later.

When I tried PIV with my SO I suddenly realized that something was "broken". I even thought about taking medication but she convinced me not to ( I was 21 and it was an idea born out of fear and insecurity). She was right cause after all, the problem was not only physical but psychological as well. All that anxiety destroyed my confidence in my libido and caused ED every time I tried PIV. I couldn't quit PMO at the time but I greatly reduced the frequency. Went from 2-3 times daily to once every 2 days. Around 2-3 months later we managed to have PIV. It took some more months but I managed to reach a point where during PIV or BJ/HJ I would stay hard enough. I still lacked that feeling of being "hard as steel" but it was something I could live with. I also thought that I wasn't a teenager anymore as an excuse in order to console myself.

This went on for 7 years until I joined this site and started my current reboot.
Today I reached day 45 and so far I've seen a noticeable improvement in the quality of my erection. In your case I'm sure it'll take longer cause as far as I understand, you tried rebooting immediately after the "hardcore PMO" phase.

Long story short, it took 3 months without hardcore PMO to have an erection, around a year to have a decent erection that wouldn't go "up and down" during PIV, 6 years of "reduced" PMO to build up the courage to quit, and 45 days without any PMO to notice a slightly better erection.

One of the main advantages of no-PMO is clearly psychological. Knowing that I haven't exhausted myself with PMO, I'm confident that I won't have any problems with my SO and that confidence contributes to the improvement I'm experiencing.

A very important piece of information is that I have 0 confidence in general. I don't believe in myself. I don't even believe that I can believe in myself no matter how hard I try. When people tell me "You just have to be confident and believe in yourself" and expect things to magically improve,I want to write that phrase on a brick and throw it to them. If I could believe in myself and be confident, I wouldn't be in this situation to begin with !

But I strongly believe in science. And science has proven that a male that used to have a healthy sexual life before PMO, will be healthy again by abstaining.
Knowing that, I strongly believe that abstinence from PMO will give me back that "hard as steel" feeling that I crave so much. The only thing I have to do is be patient and convince myself that things will be better when that abstinence is hard to bear.

P.S. During these past 6 years, in order to stay hard enough I had to fantasize about P or else I would lose my erection. After starting my current reboot I've noticed that a number of times I retained my erection and O'd without fantasizing which was a very positive and unexpected result.

P.S.2. It may not look like it but apart from the improvements, the past 45 days are a mental nightmare. I've come really close to PMO a lot of times even though I'm in a relationship where I get sexual "release". That's because PMO addiction is not based on your sexual urges but on the habit created in your mind. The thing that helped me resist the most, was my belief that scientifically speaking, no-PMO would give me what I want.