I care about him a lot and love when we have good days. But they became almost non existent. For both of us. Who's guilty in that I have no idea. I can not answer your question.
Jez, it's madnesses. Can't believe, really can't believe all of that. I can not reflect my emotions. I feel nothing. I guess it's a shock. Or I entered these grief stages. If I did I'm definitely in denial. I feel numb. "This stage may also be characterized by a sense of shock or numbness at what has happened, and although you give the appearance of normality, you may, in fact, only be going through the motions". Well looks pretty much like it, right.
One day at a time, @Shockedbuddy. Just know that whatever emotional stage you're in, it will eventually pass.
I'm numb now, still packing my things to take out from our house and move out. Still can not believe that it's so ruined between us and that to stay addicted is more important than to stay and BE with me. I'm actually losing nothing now. If he is still choosing porn and this cycle of not even being here in real world, so what I'm to lose, the shadow of another person? In my case I have nothing shared with husband: no kids, no home, nothing at all. I pay my bills by myself and do not depend on his money at all. So the key being with him was always be with him, because I love him. Bad treatment, neglect, avoidance, all of that makes no sense when you share with a person only one thing: Love. If there is none, no reason to stay, cause makes no sense. Oh well, that is still killing me. I'll go continue packing
@Jolie, thank you, dear. I'm fine It's been 10 days of living outside our house. Husband came back from the journey and asking to fix things. He seems to be honest, but I feel that the cycle would repeat again, so did not made any decision to come back or start over with him. Time would show what to do. I'm just enjoying the summer, my family and friends, and my work. Cheers from the sea side