So how have guys been able to find a girlfriend?

How often do you PMO?

 

I wish I could find a girlfriend.

 

Is your issue P or M or PMO?

 

That's awesome!

As you continue to improve your life will slowly begin to change. It will happen.

 

I've had a few relationships. To be honest, I never planned falling in love, but when it did, I embraced it. To me, is better to let things run their course. Don't push anything and don't overwhelm yourself about it.

The current girl I'm dating, I met her last year. We started flirting and get closer this year's March and became a couple in August. We never rushed into it. It sort of just happened.

I wish you the best of luck! If you like someone, let them know. Nothing will happen unless you try.

 

Dont desperately search for women improve yourself and be patient; but don't be afraid to initiate and make things happen. Your fate is in your own hands.

 

To be honest the only really serious relationship I ever had was a girl I met while studying maths of all things, and we just kind of hit it off. If I could get a girlfriend while doing maths (which I failed miserably) then there's hope for anyone buddy

 

Not.

Seriously, I'm in the same boat as you. People keep telling me to be "patient" and to "just let it happen".
Well, I did that for a majority of my life and it did a fuckload of good to me. And when you're a 26 year old kissless virgin, getting older and older by the day without any sign of progress, being patient is the last thing you can afford.

 

Nope, lol.

 

Here's the problem with "finding a girlfriend" when you are an addict and your main focus in life is finding a girlfriend. One word: dependency.

If you somehow manage to find someone that is unaware that you are an addict, you WILL become dependent on their support. It will never be enough. They will become your "everything". This isn't healthy and neither of you will be happy.

Complete yourself and heal your self before seeking out a relationship. Then, it will come. No, just "waiting" and all the while pining for a girlfriend to "complete you" will never make it happen. Not a healthy relationship anyway. Be willing to put the work into yourself. The real work. Then and only then will you find a relationship worth fighting for.

Quitting your addiction is not enough. If you don't understand what I'm saying, do some serious soul searching because this isn't just about the addiction. It's about the empty void within yourself that you are trying to fill with your addiction and wishing that you had a girlfriend.

 

Perfectly stated.

 

I was able to get a girlfriend while on nofap. What I found is that I attracted someone who was just as insecure and didn't know herself just like me. Can't stress enough that it's truly better to work on yourself first before getting into a relationship. All of your problems and stuff will still be there with a girl. For me I now see the importance of growing as a person and truly loving myself first before trying to give myself to another person.

 

Many guys that do not currently have girlfriends and want one, fail to remember that you have had girlfriends, many girlfriends. Not only have you had many girlfriends, you have lied and schemed and given up everything to spend all of their time with them. When other girls would show you interest, you ignored them. You wanted to stay home and spend all of your time with the girlfriends you had. You didn't want anyone to see them, speak to them or even know you had not only one girl but several women.

The only problem, and I think you've figured it out by now, you girlfriends weren't real. They were only on your computer screen.

Now you want to break up with all of your past girlfriends and they are very possessive. You want to move on to find a new girlfriend but since you've been slaves to your old girlfriends, you new real girlfriend would only serve as a replacement for your possessive ex-girlfriends.

Deprogram yourselves first, get the other dysfunctional girls out of your system. Allow a new girl to meet the men you could have been and will one day, relatively soon, become. A woman deserves that!

 

Well said!

 

Beautiful stuff, this kind of advice should be a closed sticky thread and retitled "BEFORE You Go Searching for a Romantic Partner" or something like that.

 

The issue with this is that you were probably looking for "signs" that the woman was into you. This is a misnomer. Their attraction is a reaction to your behavior. They are unsure until you give them a reason to be sure. If you are unsure about yourself, you can bet that she's not going to react by being attracted to you.

Instead, you keep looking for signs and there might be some in the beginning because you have natural chemistry. However, chemistry is only as strong as both of the people that share said chemistry. If you doubt the chemistry, she will doubt it too. So, you may have had situations where you "thought that she liked you", but then later you ask her about it and she says, "No, I was never interested."

Of course, she's going to say that! What's easier? Telling someone that you never felt that way or going into the messy truth of, "Well, I thought that I liked you at first because of how you made me feel the first time we met. Then, as I got to know you better, I realized that you were really unsure of yourself and you no longer made me feel that way anymore. So, I did like you... but now I don't."

If she told you that, she would have to make herself very vulnerable and also she's probably scared of hurting your feelings / stringing you a long even further. She figures that telling you that she just never felt that way makes a clean break of it.

Coming from the perspective of "Does she like me?" Of course not, she doesn't know you yet. The healthier mindset to take is, "Hmm, I've got some physical attraction for her, but do I like her as a person?"

This is a big problem with porn addiction. It wires us all to think of value in terms of "hotness". Sure, physical attraction is important, but the real deal is when you are attracted to her personality.

I've made this analogy before, I'll make it again, because it works:

Think of your attraction as a car. The ignition is your physical attraction for the person, but the gas is her personality. Yes, you need the ignition to start the car, but have you ever tried to start a car that has no gas? It doesn't go ANYWHERE. That's where focusing on physical attraction gets you because looks fade. The soul is what lasts. If you don't like her soul, you don't like her.

 

There are so many variables the play into a guy and a girl being interested in each other but if you were placing large amounts of your time into porn then the girls were saved from you breaking their hearts because as you probably know by now, any girl versus PMO would have lost. When you have purged the porn from your system, allow the new you to see and be seen. There are enough guys on NoFap who have shared the level of increased confidence to do many things, including talk to women. Will that mean that every woman will want to talk to you, no, but it does mean that your chances of meeting a woman that you will have a connection with will increase.