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So how have guys been able to find a girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by zxcv, Oct 28, 2016.

  1. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Guys listen! A wise man is speaking!
     
  2. F50C137YZ

    F50C137YZ Fapstronaut

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    Aw dude, thanks! Wisdom comes from experience and being open enough to learn.

    I have failed many, many, many times, by staying in the mindset of feeling like I needed someone, including this past year. It took me that long to realize these things.

    I'm finally in a place where, even if a lovely woman came into my life right now... I would have to tell her that I can't really be in a relationship of any kind other than friendship. It's a real bummer, but I have to be realistic with myself. I am just starting to get better and it wouldn't be fair to drag anyone into this with me.

    Have you guys taken a look at some of the posts from girlfriends and wives of porn addicts? It's heartbreaking, absolutely heartbreaking what it does to these people, both the men and women. This is what really got me thinking about all of this.

    I am a very empathetic and sensitive person. I used to read all of these posts and really want all of these other guys to find someone because I know how painful it is to pine and wish and never seem to be able to get attention from a woman, let alone get a date or form a relationship.

    However, reading these posts from women about their partners and their feelings. It offered a window into how I could really negatively impact someone else's life in the state that I'm in. That wouldn't be fair or right.

    Now, every time I start to slip into that mindset. I go and read another post by a
    woman in a relationship with someone like me.
     
  3. Thug Life

    Thug Life Guest

    PersianWifeFinder.com
     
  4. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    I haven't actually read stuff like that, but I do know that this happens. That why it's one of the main reasons that I went on nofap.
     
    F50C137YZ likes this.
  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Although I obviously don't know your story, I knew your words came from experience. Those were not words of someone who has read some good books but have lived the first half of a really great but painful first half of his book but is now about the turn the page the next chapters which look so much better.

    That's why I wrote what I wrote.
     
    WarriorScarr and F50C137YZ like this.
  6. Brian Griffin

    Brian Griffin Fapstronaut

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    Also, it`s impossible to find a girlfriend if you jerk off all day instead of socializing. Let's be true,only going to gym and the grocery store won't help you find a girlfriend that much(even tho you have a slight chance of finding a girl)
    Look at yourself. Find what you like. If you like playing the guitar, go to group guitar lessons. Wanna cook? Even in my town we have dozens of cooking classes. You have no idea? Go to charity work and I guarantee you will meet lots of people. The thing is : don't waste your time. Go out and rock the world! :D
     
    Clerk373 and Porn Free Wanderer like this.
  7. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    See, this advice gets thrown around a lot but it contradicts the advice give about a dozen times before in this thread.
    Advice 1: Don't do things just to get a girlfriend.
    Advice 2: Go out and socialize.
    Okay, but the only reason I'd go out and socialize is to find a girlfriend...otherwise I have no reason or interest to do so...
     
  8. Brian Griffin

    Brian Griffin Fapstronaut

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    Ok , I got your point. What do yo think about writing to girls on fb? You could try to write to 3-4 simultaneously and go to dates as often as you can. But,I recommend you to write to girls you saw in real life at least once, FaceBook can be very misleading .
     
  9. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    I don't really use Facebook anymore. And neither does anyone I know, really. It just seems to have...stopped. And online dating isn't really my thing either.
    I mean, I don't really think I need to go out more, I am at uni every day. But I obviously don't just chat up random girls there.
     
  10. zxcv

    zxcv Fapstronaut

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    So then talking to girls that you've known in real life is a good idea then?
     
  11. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    What so many are telling you is your way doesn't work very well. If your main reason for doing anything is to get a girlfriend, you will find eventually that you did it for the wrong reason. You can obviously keep your current mindset and if so, you will see where that eventually gets you.
     
  12. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Yea, I do fully understand that. But what I'm saying that I won't do any of those recommended things naturally and am thus feeling a bit lost.
     
  13. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    OK. That piece of information was lost from what you've been saying. This changes things.

    It's not that you don't want to follow the advice given, you don't know how to do that well.
     
  14. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Why not? That would be the perfect start for you! If you have confidence issues talking to random girls (I have no idea, just assuming since that's the recurring theme for so many of us guys here), then again this would be perfect for you because it's easy to relate to them instead of random girls on the streets or in clubs and bars. Just ask them about their classes and other school related stuff.

    You gotta get the wheels moving if you want to change something in your life. And it's been said by a bunch of other guys here, but ease up on the whole wanting a girlfriend so bad thing. It only makes you think in a desperate manner, which then translates into acting desperately, which is probably one of the top turn off for girls. I know this because I have lived it first hand, and when I look back at how I acted I want to slap some sense into the old me, but when your addicted to pmo and don't know how to talk to girls it only makes sense that you come across as desperate since for me girls were like a rare species of animal that is almost never seen. So yeah I acted in ways that made me look weak and desperate for them since they were giving me attention that I rarely got from girls.

    If it makes you feel any better I kissed my first girl this summer, and I'm 29. Yeah you read that right. Do I care? Nope, because I can't go back in time and change things. I can however start adopting a positive mindset and start changing things for the present and future, and that makes me excited as ever to know that my life is finally moving forward. I know it sucks to not have a girlfriend, as I've never went past a couple of dates with a few girls, but just keep your head up and focus on bettering yourself and finding a place where you are happy with yourself. Naturally if you become a positive person girls will be attracted to you. But you have to put in the work.
     
  15. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Because I think that's pretty rude. And it's just not something one does in my country. I know the US is a lot more open in that regard.
    And yes, you're assuming correctly ^^'

    I know that but it's really, really hard to act accordingly.

    I'm trying but I feel like I'm stuck in a loop a bit. To better myself, I'd need some confirmation from someone that I'm not shit. But to get someone to like me, I'd have to better myself first...

    I've read that soooooooo many times, it's starting to sound like nothing but an empty promise :(
     
  16. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Be careful of whom you choose to obtain that confirmation you seek. Don't bypass many giving you the confirmation you seek only the pay attention to the one who doesn't give it to you.
     
  17. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    If you notice, no one says how long you need to have a positive attitude. The reason is because you can't have a positive attitude until you get something. That's insincere and fake and people will either eventually see through it or immediately see through it, especially girls! Your attitude has to have a permanent positive shift. That doesn't mean you won't have negative seasons on your life but general attitude being positive will be seen. Realize people are watching you when you don't know it. People see the difference between how you are when you are not in front of their faces and when you are.

    If you try to be positive for a short time, it's going to wear off. You're going to get tired of doing it revert back to a neutr to negative person. A personality shift may take you some time to achieve. What makes people typically positive is those people generally don't change their behavior based on their situations. When things are great, they are a silver lining. When things begin to improve, they see how great things can become. When things are great, well, things are great. When the cycle begins again, they remember that things were once great and can be again and begin to work towards that.
     
    Clerk373 and SyrusDrake like this.
  18. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, that was a really insightful comment...even if I'm not quite clear how to act upon it. But I did bookmark it in my emergency folder.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  19. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    You begin one moment at a time and increase it until you reach one day at a time. Allow each day turn into a week at at time. Then weeks, turn into months and into years.

    What are you doing in these time intervals? You are appreciating everything that you have and not focusing on those things that you do not have. I'm not saying you won't notice those things that you do not have but you don't focus on those things. When you think about those things you don't have, begin focusing on the things you do. That's how you begin having a positive attitude.
     
    Clerk373, Sailor93 and SyrusDrake like this.
  20. SyrusDrake

    SyrusDrake Fapstronaut

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    That sounds so reasonable but seems to go against everything I've done for the past decade or so ^^'
     
    D . J . likes this.

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